THE  AUTHOR  OF 

'THE  REAL  DIARY  OF  A  REAL  BOY 


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REAL  BOYS 


Being  the  doings  of  Plupy,  Beany,  Pewt,  Fuzzy, 

Whack,  Btig,  Skinny,  Chick,  Pop,  Pile, 

and  some  of  the  girls 

BY 

HENRY  A.  SHUTE 

Author  of  "The  Real  Diary  of  a  Real  Bov,"  "Sequil,"  etc. 


ILLUSTRATIONS   BY 
F,  R.   GRUGER 


G.  W.   DILLINGHAM    COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS  NEW  YORK. 


Real  Boys 


Copyright,  1905,  by 
HENRY  A.  SHUTE 

All  Rights  Reserve, 
Entered  at  Stationers'  Hall 

Issued  August,  iQos 


Press  of  J.  J.  Little  &  Co. 
Astor  Place,  New  York 


TO 

THE  YOUNG  LADY  WITH  THE   PIGTAILS 

THE  PUG  NOSE 

AND  THE   CHEERFUL  DISPOSITION 

MY  DAUGHTER  NATHALIE 

THIS  BOOK   IS 

AFFECTIONATELY  DEDICATED 

HENRY  A.  SHUTE 


TO   MY   READERS 

"Were  any  of  you  born  in  New  England,  in  the  good  old  cate- 
chising, church-going,  school-going,  orderly  times?" — Stowe. 

IN  bringing  these  sketches  before  the  pubh'c  in  book  form,  I  have 
been  greatly  influenced  by  the  unexpected  favor  with  which  other 
books  of  mine,  relating  to  the  same  characters,  have  been  received, 
and  by  the  many  letters  from  those  who  professed  a  desire  to  know 
something  more  of  Plupy,  Beany,  Pewt,  and  the  others. 

The  books  already  issued  were  written  from  a  boy's  point  of  view. 
This  book  is  from  a  man's  point  of  view,  but,  I  trust,  a  man  who  has 
not  forgotten  and  never  will  forget  a  happy  boyhood  in  a  delightful 
old  New  England  town. 

Many  of  the  characters,  who  appear  before  the  public  under  their 
true  names  and  nicknames,  and,  I  may  also  state,  in  their  true  light, 
are  still  living,  and  all  are,  strange  as  it  may  seem,  my  friends. 

With  them  I  passed  many  of  the  happiest  and  most  eventful  days 
of  my  life,  and  by  the  recital  of  some  of  these  events  I  hope  to  inter- 
est you. 

Henry  A.  Shute, 

Exeter,  N.  H, 

June  I,  1905. 


REAL  BOYS 


CHAPTER    I 

"I  know  it's  folly  to  complain 

Of  whatsoe'er  the  fates  decree; 
Yet,  were  not  wishes  all  in  vain, 

I  tell  you  what  my  wish  would  be; 
I'd  wish  to  be  a  boy  again. 

Back  with  the  friends  I  used  to  know; 
For  I  was,  oh  !  so  happy  then — 
But  that  was  very  long  ago." 

— Eugene  Field. 

One  Saturday  afternoon  in  March,  i86 — ,  a 
small  boy,  twelve  years  old,  was  busily  engaged  in 
arranging  a  miscellaneous  collection  of  small  wares 
in  a  shed  in  the  rear  of  a  substantial  frame  house 
on  Court  Street,  in  Exeter,  a  little  village  near  the 
coast  line  in  southern  New  Hampshire. 

The  youth  in  question  was  absorbed  in  his  task, 
and  had  evidently  worked  hard  and  faithfully  to 
establish  himself  upon  a  firm  business  basis,  and 

9 


REAL    BOYS 

was  anticipating  retail  transactions  of  a  most  grati- 
fying nature. 

In  front  of  the  shed  a  smooth  board  bearing  the 
inscription, 


Fansy  Goods  and 

SwEATENED  Water." — Harry  Shufc. 


had  been  nailed  up  by  dint  of  vigorous  but  unskil- 
ful use  of  a  hammer,  as  the  dents  in  the  wood  sur- 
rounding the  nail  heads  plainly  showed;  while  the 
elaborate  nature  of  the  inscription  indicated  that 
however  painstaking  the  young  merchant  had  been 
in  his  efforts  towards  legibility,  his  spelling  was 
not  all  that  one  might  have  wished. 

Within  the  shed  a  long  plank,  propped  up  at 
both  ends  by  empty  barrels,  did  triple  duty  as 
counter,  bar  and  show-case  combined,  while  the 
rough  pine  walls  were  nearly  covered  by  a  most 
amazing  assortment  of  gaudy  and  impossible 
wares,  fastened  with  large  pins  and  small  tacks. 

Jacob's  ladders,  cunningly  manufactured  out  of 
long  strips  of  colored  paper  pleated  together; 
snappers,  of  oblong  sheets  of  whitey-brown  paper, 

lO 


REAL    BOYS 

and  folded  in  such  a  manner  that  when  taken  by 
one  end  and  vigorously  snapped  they  would 
straighten  out  with  a  loud  pop  (it  is  worthy  of 
remark  here  that  the  first  and  last  blank  sheets  of 
"  Godey's  Magazine  "  in  its  old  form  made  the  best 
snappers);  cocked  hats,  made  of  ingeniously  folded 
sheets;  paper  boats,  the  result  of  the  same  process 
carried  one  fold  further;  fly  boxes,  of  stiff  sheets 
of  old  copy-books,  this  invention  a  triumph  of 
mechanical  art,  and  I  am  glad  to  say  not  a  lost 
one  at  this  late  day;  pictures  cut  from  the  mag- 
azines and  the  "  Police  News,"  and  framed  in 
colored  and  gilt  paper ;  and,  lastly,  a  wretched  and 
remorseful  looking  pitcher  with  a  large  bite  taken 
out  of  its  rim,  and  filled  with  about  a  gallon  of 
sweetened  water,  the  quality  of  which  depended 
upon  the  persuasiveness  or  predatory  ability  of  the 
proprietor  of  the  establishment  in  accumulating 
the  necessary  ingredients. 

The  pitcher  had  been  carefully  placed  at  a  safe 
distance  from  the  counter,  as  the  wide-awake  mer- 
chant evidently  distrusted  the  self-restraint  of  the 
improvident  among  his  customers. 

Underneath  the  counter,  and  likewise  removed 
from  public  gaze  and  reach,  stood  a  large  box, 

IX 


REAL    BOYS 

partly  filled  with  bolts,  nails,  scraps  of  old  iron,  lead 
and  steel.  It  was  evident  from  the  contents  of  the 
box  that  business  had  been  brisk,  and,  indeed,  the 
boy  had  scarcely  finished  his  task  and  arranged  his 
goods  for  public  inspection,  when  loud  whoops 
were  heard  in  the  street,  and  several  boys  noisily 
entered  the  yard  and  clamorously  ordered  cigar- 
ettes. 

While  I  am  glad  to  say  that  the  tobacco  abomi- 
nations of  the  present  day  were  not  then  on  the 
market,  still  candor  compels  me  to  state  that  a 
considerable  variety  of  more  or  less  nauseous  com- 
pounds were  in  stock,  and  were  cheerfully  pro- 
duced by  the  salesman.  The  choicest  brands  of 
sweet  fern,  hayseed,  grapevine,  rattan,  corn-silk, 
and  mullen  leaf  were  on  sale  at  prices  ranging  from 
three  to  ten  nails  each. 

Sweet  fern  commanded  the  maximum  price,  as 
delicate  in  flavor  and  mild  in  effect ;  rattan  came 
next,  the  scarcity  of  material  keeping  the  price  up, 
while  the  concentrated  villainy  of  its  taste,  and  the 
common  belief  that  it  dried  up  the  blood  of  the 
smoker,  tended  to  make  the  sales  rare  and  the 
market  somewhat  unsteady ;  while  hayseed,  corn- 
silk  and  mullen  leaf  were  very  cheap,  as  the  mate- 

12 


REAL    BOYS 


rials  were  easily  produced  and  the  flavor  not  par- 
ticularly exhilarating.  Only  the  most  reckless 
youths    attempted    to    smoke    rattan,    and    they 


basked  in  the  evident  admiration  of  their  less 
seasoned  companions,  w^hile  their  mouths  tasted 
as  if  they  were  lined  with  hot  ashes. 

After  the  youthful  customers  had  made  a  care- 
ful selection  of  the  choicest  brands,  a  modicum 
of  sweetened  water  was  ordered  and  drunk,  and 
when  the  necessary  payments  were  adjusted,  which 
was  not  effected  without  an  acrimonius  dispute 

13 


REAL    BOYS 

with  one  parcliaser,  who  was  detected  in  the  at- 
tempt to  pass  counterfeit  money,  that  is  to  say, 
sheet  iron,  that  article  not  being  legal  tender,  the 
cigars  were  lighted,  and  a  general  conversation 
ensued. 

"  Say,  Fatty,"  said  one,  addressing  a  light-com- 
plexioned,  corpulent  lad,  more  fashionably  attired 
Ihan  the  rest  in  a  short  reefer,  blue  trousers  and 
rubber  boots,  "  have  you  seen  Pewt  Purington's 
store?  He's  got  some  Jacob's  ladders  made  outer 
gilt  and  silver  paper,  and  some  of  the  bulliest  fly 
boxes  I  ever  seen.  He  charges  more'n  Skinny 
does."  Skinny  was  the  young  merchant  before 
described,  whose  painfully  spare  proportions  only 
too  clearly  indicated  the  origin  and  startling  ap- 
propriateness of  the  name. 

"  Well,"  said  the  fat  youth,  whose  name  was 
Ned  Oilman,  "  Pewt  is  a  fraud  anyway.  He  skins 
ycu  every  time  you  trade  there,  and  his  sweetened 
water  ain't  half  so  good  as  Skinny's,  an'  he  don't 
more'n  half  fill  the  glasses,  'n  charges  ten  nails 
and  won't  count  crooked  ones." 

"  That's  so,"  rejoined  the  first  speaker,  John, 
who  rejoiced  in  the  sobriquet  of  "  Bug  "  Chadwick. 
"  Beany  Watson  went  into  partnership  with  him 

14 


REAL    BOYS 

last  spring,  'n  they  had  a  bully  store  in  Pewt's 
shed,  'n  had  a  big  trade,  and  they  failed,  and  Beany 
said  it  was  all  Pewt's  fault." 

"  Well,  you  ought  to  hear  Pewt's  side  before 
you  lay  the  blame  on  him,"  chimed  in  a  quiet  and 
pleasant-faced  boy,  known  to  his  friends  as  "  Pot- 
ter "  Gorham,  why  "  Potter  "  nobody  could  ever 
give  a  satisfactory  reason.  "  Pewt  said  that  Beany 
drank  up  all  the  sweetened  water,  and  what  they 
gained  on  cigars  and  other  things  they  lost  on 
sweetened  water,  and  that  Pewt  had  to  furnish  all 
the  molasses,  and  when  they  settled  up  Beany  owed 
him." 

"  Well,"  said  Fatty,  "  they  agreed  to  leave  it  out 
to  Nipper  Brown,  because  he  was  a  good  arithme- 
ticker,  and  Pewt  backed  out." 

"  Yes,  but  after  Beany  had  agreed  he  laid  for 
Nipper  and  told  him  he  would  Hck  time  out  of  him 
if  he  didn't  decide  that  Pewt  owed  him  thirty-five 
cents,"  retorted  Potter. 

"  Oh,  now,"  said  Fatty,  "  Pewt  had  invited  Nip- 
per to  supper  and  treated  him  to  corn  balls,  and 
Beany  knew  it." 

"  How  did  they  settle  it  ?  "  queried  Skinny,  as 
15 


REAL    BOYS 


he  finished  draining  a  mottled  teacup  without  a 
handle.     "  Did  they  have  a  fight?  " 

"  No,  Beany  stood  over  on  his  side  of  the  street, 
and  Pewt  on  his  side,  and  they  stumped  each  other 
to  come  over,  and  neither  would  come.  They 
didn't  speak  to  each  other  for  nearl}^  a  week,  and 
then  made  up  and  sold  out  to  Medo  Thurston  and 
went  snacks." 

"  Pewt  is  a  good  fellow  in  the  woods,"  added 

Potter,  "  and  sees  everything.    He  found  the  only 

oven  bird's  nest  that  has  been  found  for  two  years." 

i6 


REAL   BOYS 

"  Hullo !  "  suddenly  cried  Fatty.  "  Here  comes 
Whacker,  Puzzy  and  Tomtit,"  as  three  alert 
youngsters  entered  the  yard,  having  sent  a  few 
tentative  snowballs  to  announce  their  approach, 
adding  an  occasional  hideous  yell,  in  case  the  snow- 
balls left  some  uncertainty  in  the  minds  of  those 
assembled  around  the  bar. 

Whacker  and  Puzzy,  who  were  known  in  the 
family  Bible  as  Alfred  and  Austin,  were  Chadwick 
boys,  brothers  of  the  guileful  Bug.  Whacker  was 
an  extremely  straight,  slight  and  dignified  boy,  and 
derived  his  name  from  the  effect  that  a  little  couplet 
had  on  him.  This  little  couplet  was  of  a  slightly 
personal  nature. 

"  Chaddywhacker  chew  tobacker. 
If  you  die  it  ain't  no  matter," 

and  was  a  challenge  that  Whacker  always  accepted, 
whenever  the  scoffer's  prowess  was  not  too 
marked. 

Puzzy  had  been  christened  so  for  no  apparent 
reason.  The  last  of  the  trio,  Roswell  Thomson, 
owed  his  appellation  to  a  grievous  error  in  loudly 
proclaiming  on  "  speaking  day  "  in  school  the  little 
nursery  rhyme, 

2  17 


REAL    BOYS 

"  Tommy  Tommy  Titmouse 
Lived  in  a  little  house." 

Alfred,  who  had  undergone  severe  physical  cas- 
tigation  at  the  hands  of  his  teacher  in  school  that 
morning,  was  at  once  saluted  by  derisive  shouts 
of  "  Whacker  got  Hcked,  Whacker  got  licked,"  ac- 
companied by  pantomimic  writhing  and  contor- 
tions expressive  of  great  anguish,  by  his  com- 
panions. 

"  Ow,  now,  cheese  it,  fellers,"  said  Whacker, 
coloring  a  ruddy  hue.  "  Fatty  was  licked  every 
day  this  week,  and  you  didn't  holler  at  him." 

"  'Tain't  so,"  shouted  the  irate  Fatty.  "  I  didn't 
get  licked  Tuesday." 

"  Well,  you  got  licked  twice  Wednesday,  any- 
way," insisted  Whacker. 

"  Heuh,  I  didn't  howl  like  you  did,"  sneered 
Fatty. 

"  You  howled  good  when  you  tried  to  crawl 
through  a  chair  yesterday.  'F  I  was  so  fat  I 
couldn't  crawl  through  a  chair  without  gittin' 
more'n  two  whacks  I  wouldn't  say  much,"  retorted 
Whacker  contemptuously. 

"  Who  yer  callin'  fat  ?  "  roared  Fatty. 

"  You,"  piped  Whacker,  undauntedly. 


REAL    BOYS 

Whereupon  Fatty  walked  deliberately  up  to 
his  small  but  determined  opponent  and  roughly 
shouldered  him  out  of  the  path.  Whacker  va- 
liantly returned  the  shove  with  interest. 

"  Paste  him  one,  Fatty,"  shrieked  Bug,  de- 
lighted with  the  prospect  of  a  fight,  and  utterly 
regardless  of  the  ties  of  blood  relationship. 

"  Lend  him  one  in  the  eye,  Whacker,"  urged 
Skinny,  otherwise  known  as  Plupy,  cautiously 
emerging  from  beneath  the  counter,  his  counte- 
nance beaming  at  the  delightful  prospect. 

"  Oh,  hold  on,  fellers,  what's  the  use  of  fight- 
ing?" remonstrated  Potter,  the  pacific,  trying  to 
get  between  the  belligerents. 

"  Let  'em  alone,  Potter.  Give  'em  a  fair  show," 
yelled  Tomtit,  dancing  with  excitement,  as  the  two 
squared  up  to  each  other  in  true  sporting  style, 
with  many  "  Aw,  nows  "  and  "  Would  yees  "  and 
other  expressions  indicative  of  fell  design  on  their 
part. 

What  the  result  of  the  fight  might  have  been 
was  never  known,  for  a  vigorous  rapping  at  the 
window  caused  the  pugilists  to  quickly  drop  their 
belligerent  attitudes,  and  playfully  seize  each  other 
and  try  to  wash  faces  in  the  snow,  while  the  dis- 

19 


REAL    BOYS 

appointed  youngsters,  to  complete  the  deception, 
cheered  them  on,  and  laughed  with  well  dissembled 
enjoyment.  Then  Potter,  with  the  best  of  inten- 
tions, ordered  refreshments  anew,  and  Plupy 
blithely  crawled  beneath  the  counter,  hitting  his 
head  an  appalling  bump  in  the  transit,  and  peace 
prevailed  once  more. 

"  Tell  yer  what  le's  do,"  said  Bug,  yearning  for 
excitement,  "  It's  just  bully  snowballin',  Le's  go 
down  to  the  library  buildin'  an'  plug  stewed  cats," 


this  being  the  euphonious  name  by  which  the 
students  of  Phillips  Exeter  Academy  were  known, 
between  whom  and  the  townies  there  was  always 
a  state  of  war. 


20 


REx\L    BOYS 

This  proposal  was  received  with  loud  acclaim. 
The  boys  rapidly  and  skilfully  iirade  and  stowed 
away  snowballs  about  their  persons  until  they 
looked  as  hunchy  as  bags  of  marbles,  while  Plupy 
closed  the  emporium,  and  locked  it  by  leaving  a 
piece  of  joist  against  the  door.  Having  completed 
these  hasty  preparations,  the  boys  departed  on  the 
run,  as  Plupy's  mother  called  from  the  window, 
"  Harree-ee,  be  sure  and  split  your  kindlings  be- 
fore dark," which  we  maybe  equally  sure  Harree-ee 
forgot  completely  in  the  exciting  times  that  fol- 
lowed. 

21 


CHAPTER   2 

"  Oft  round  my  hall  of  portraiture  I  gaze, 
By  memory  reared,  the  artist  wise  and  holy, 
From  stainless  quarries  of  deep-buried  days." 

— Lowell. 

The  scene  of  the  events  described  was  in  the 
beautiful  town  of  Exeter,  in  southern  New  Hamp- 
shire, situated  about  ten  miles  from  the  sea-coast. 
Its  stately,  old-fashioned  mansions,  gable  roofed, 
and  shaded  by  gracefully  drooping  elms,  spoke 
well  for  the  quiet  and  cultivated  tastes  of  its  citi- 
zens. Its  busy  factory,  its  machine  shops,  its  sub- 
stantial row  of  business  blocks,  argued  a  solid  busi- 
ness foundation  for  its  evident  wealth  and  pros- 
perity. Situated  at  the  head  of  tide-water,  it 
boasted  wharves,  a  fleet  of  small  fishing  and  coast- 
ing vessels,  and  a  nondescript  sort  of  coaling  craft, 
indigenous  to  this  particular  stream,  and  known 
as  the  gundalow. 

Emptying  into  this  broad  and  shallow  basin,  a 
deep,  winding  and  most  beautiful  stream  flowed 

22 


REAL    BOYS 

through  the  centre  of  the  town,  and  lost  itself  in 
tortuous  turns  amid  velvety  meadows  and  groves 
of  pine,  hemlock  and  oak.  The  river  was  the  divid- 
ing line  between  the  east  and  west  halves  of  the 
town,  formerly  known  as  "  Hemlock  Side  "  and 
"  Pine  Side."  Between  the  residents  of  these  there 
had  once  been  deep  jealousy  and  much  bitter  feel- 
ing, which,  in  the  case  of  the  boys  and  young  men, 
had  frequently  culminated  in  pitched  battles  be- 
tween the  massed  forces  of  both  sides. 

At  the  time  of  which  I  write  this  feeling  had  died 
away,  and  was  only  remembered  as  a  tradition,  a 
matter  of  local  history,  undeniably  true,  and  not 
particularly  creditable  to  the  town.  How  this  feel- 
ing was  subsequently  reawakened  to  bitter  and 
short-lived  intensity  I  shall  relate  in  the  course  of 
this  story. 

The  town  lay  in  a  pretty  valley,  walled  in  by 
green  and  wooded  hills,  from  the  summits  of  which 
nothing  could  be  seen  in  summer  save  a  few  white 
church  steeples  towering  above  a  mass  of  dark 
green  foliage. 

Flowing  into  the  main  fresh  river  from  different 
points  were  three  beautiful  brooks,  known  as 
"  Cove  Brook,"  "  Little  River  "  and  "  Great  Mea- 

23 


REAL    BOYS 

dow  Brook,"  clear,  shady  streams,  abounding  in 
perch,  pickerel,  sunfish,  shiners  and  huge  snapping 
turtles.  Along  these  streams  gaudy  kingfishers, 
small  green  herons  and  huge  blue  herons  peopled 
the  shallow  coves  in  the  long  summer  days. 

In  the  winter  the  frozen  surface  of  the  main  river 
and  its  tributaries  was  alive  with  skaters,  and  in 
the  cold,  crisp  evenings  was  aglow  with  bonfires, 
which  were  lavishly  fed  by  the  windfalls  from  the 
abutting  woods.  In  the  early  spring  the  swollen 
stream,  disdaining  banks  and  barriers,  roared  like 
the  March  wind,  bearing  on  its  swirling  eddies 
huge  floes  of  ice,  which,  crowding,  crushing  and 
breaking  into  a  thousand  fragments  in  their  mad 
rush  over  the  upper  dam,  and  on  the  rocks  and 
rapids  between  the  three  bridges,  caused  grave  ap- 
prehensions for  the  safety  of  these  structures,  and 
exercised  a  horrible  fascination  over  the  small  boys 
of  the  town,  who  used  to  watch  the  stream  for 
hours  and  speculate  on  the  chance  for  life  a  boy 
or  man  would  have  in  the  rushing,  icy  waters. 

To  the  east  of  the  town  extended  a  rich  and 

fertile  slope  of  ten  miles  to  the  sea-coast,  to  which 

hard,  smooth  and  level  roads  led  to  superb  white 

beaches,  and  rocky  headlands  that  commanded  a 

?4 


REAL    BOYS 

magnificent  view  of  the  coast  line  from  Ports- 
mouth to  Cape  Ann. 

The  citizens  loved  the  town,  believed  in  its  tradi- 
tions, its  past,  exulted  in  its  present  and  gloried  in 
its  future.  Phillips  Academy  was  the  source  of 
much  boastful  comment,  and,  to  tell  the  truth,  was 
perhaps  the  one  thing  that  made  the  town  famous 
as  an  educational  centre  throughout  the  entire 
country.  That  the  Academy  was  famous  every  citi- 
zen would  agree;  to  the  proposition  that  the  town 
became  so  only  in  the  reflected  glory  of  the  Acad- 
emy every  native  born  and  loyal  citizen — and  I  am 
glad  to  say  that  a  native  born  citizen  of  Exeter 
who  is  disloyal  is  a  vara  avis  indeed — would  enter 
a  most  vigorous  dissent,  and  would  argue  the  same 
forcibly,  obstinately  and  to  the  bitter  end  at  any 
and  all  times. 

What !  Did  not  the  Continental  Congress  as- 
semble here?  Did  not  the  tax  rioters  do  great 
deeds  "  in  the  brave  days  of  old?  "  Shades  of  our 
old  families,  the  Gilmans,  the  Smiths,  the  Odlins, 
the  Bells,  the  Sullivans,  whose  descendants  still 
treasure  up  remarkable  collections  of  priceless  rel- 
ics of  their  forbears'  participation  in  the  wars  of 
the    Revolution    and    of    1812!      The    Academy! 

25 


REAL    BOYS 

Zounds !  Did  not  the  town  enjoy  nearly  two  hun- 
dred years  of  unexampled  prosperity  before  the 
Academy  was  founded,  and  did  she  not  challenge 
the  respect  and  admiration  of  the  whole  country? 

Even  as  I  write  I  feel  a  thrill  of  the  same  jealous 
pride  in  my  town  that  prompted  me  as  a  boy  to 
vigorously  "  plug  "  the  unhappy  academy  student, 
and  to  yell  shrill  encouragement  to  the  "  townie  " 
who  came  into  fistic  collision  with  him.  And  thus 
there  was  always  war  between  the  student  and  the 
townie,  war  without  special  ill-feeling,  without 
malice,  but  still  war,  especially  in  the  snowball, 
green  apple,  or  over-ripe  cucumber  season. 

And  yet  the  little  townies  admired  and  imitated 
the  students,  ran  after  them,  did  their  errands,  car- 
ried their  surreptitious  notes  to  the  town  girls, 
boasted  of  the  prowess  of  individual  heroes  and 
looked  forward  to  the  time  when  they  could  be 
students.  Yea,  some  of  them  preferred  the  life  of 
a  student  to  that  of  a  hackman,  which  was  the 
normal  ambition  of  every  Exeter  boy. 

And  so  when  our  young  friends  departed  so 
hastily,  loaded  down  with  hard  snowballs,  you  may 
be  sure  there  was  no  malice,  hatred  or  ill-will  rank- 
ling in  their  boyish  bosoms,  but  merely  the  true 

26 


REAL    BOYS 

spirit  of  adventure  which  should  animate  every 
live  boy.  It  was  in  the  good  old  days  when  men 
of  substance  wore  black  broadcloth  frock  coats  of 
wondrous  sheen  and  velvety  softness,  and  light, 
almost  white,  trousers,  which  hung  in  folds  about 
their  manly  legs.  When  lofty,  and  oft-times  shiny, 
domes  of  thought  were  surmounted  by  tall  beaver 
plugs  of  great  price,  while  their  feet  were  brave  in 
closely  fitting  calfskin  boots,  which  were  always 
kept  in  the  highest  state  of  polish. 

Their  mouths  were  smoothly  razed,  presenting 
an  astonishing  expanse  of  almost  prehensile  upper 
lip;  their  beards  opulent  in  the  extreme;  their  hair, 
when  copious,  combed  into  a  fold  or  wave  on  the 
top  of  the  head,  and  elaborately  parted  in  a  straight 
furrow  down  the  back  of  the  head,  and  brushed 
forward  toward  the  ears.  When  sparse,  it  was  al- 
lowed to  grow  long  and  stringily  on  the  sides,  and 
then  brought  upwards  and  smoothly  pasted  over 
the  shiny  spots,  in  the  well-meant  intention  of  de- 
ceiving the  critical  gaze  of  the  public,  which  device, 
however,  only  made  the  defect  more  dreadfully  ap- 
parent. 

These  worthy  men  never  seemed  to  have  any- 
thing to  do  beyond  standing  in  the  doorways  of 

27 


REAL    BOYS 

grocery  stores,  at  times  when  the  local  photog- 
rapher, or  daguerrotyper,  saw  fit  to  immortalize 
the  establishment. 

Occasionally  one  might  be  seen  with  a  square- 
edged,  yellow,  polished  stick  covered  with  lines  and 
figures,  which  he  carried  under  his  arm,  and  occa- 
sionally laid  it  across  logs  in  the  mill-yard,  re- 
moved his  hat,  mopped  his  brow  and  entered  cer- 
tain memoranda  in  a  yellow  pocketbook.  Next 
to  their  passion  for  basking  in  the  admiration  of 
the  public,  and  the  open-mouthed  and  wide-eyed 
awe  of  the  youngsters,  their  sole  ambition  in  life 
appeared  to  be  to  have  their  pictures  taken. 

One  is  before  me  now,  gazing  at  me  from  an  old- 
fashioned  photograph,  with  an  expression  in  his 
face  never  before  seen:  an  expression  in  which 
pride,  shame,  determination,  uncertainty,  joy,  de- 
spair, complacency  and  anxiety  are  blended.  He 
sits  in  a  straight-backed  mahogany  chair,  that  chair 
you  and  I  have  seen  so  often,  that  chair  with  the 
bunches  of  grapes  adorning  its  vulnerable  parts, 
that  chair  whose  shiny  horsehair  covering  used  to 
hide  needle-like  pricks  to  torture  our  small  legs, 
when  with  pride  and  affection  beaming  from  her 

sweet  old  face  our  grandmother  lifted  us  into  its 

28 


REAL    BOYS 

uncomfortable  lap,  and  with  her  forefinger  raised 
stood  by  while  we  paid  an  involuntary  tribute  to 
art,  and  enriched  it  with  our  speaking  images;  that 
chair — but  there  was  but  one,  and  but  one  photog- 
rapher, and  both  are  gone.  But  their  counterfeit 
presentments  stare  at  you  from  the  pages  of  old 
albums,  and  you  stare  back,  and  smile,  often  with 
tears. 

In  the  picture  there  is  another  article  of  furni- 
ture, alike  immortal,  a  hard,  round-topped  table, 
upon  which  the  tall  hat  lies  in  state.  On  his  knees 
lies  a  heavy,  brass-bound  book,  from  which  a  gilt 
book-mark  with  fringe  pours  forth  and  mingles 
with  the  many  folds  and  pleats  of  his  trousers, 
prodigal  in  cloth.  And  thus  does  he  remain  for- 
ever with  us,  and  by  his  pictured  presence  enrich 
memory. 

Their  good  wives,  our  grandmothers,  though 
less  given  to  daguerreomania,  are  still  to  be  seen 
in  albums  of  the  past,  occupying  positions  of  great 
prominence,  great  stiffness  and  martyr-like  en- 
durance. They  wear  their  hair  smoothly  parted, 
and  brushed  in  waves  over  their  ears.  They  wear 
lace  collars  and  stiff  black  silk  dresses  with  volu- 
minous sleeves.     At  their  throats  are  lockets  con- 

29 


REAL   BOYS 

taining  the  hair  of  persons  who  have  died,  persons 
whose  pictures  sometimes  appear  in  the  daguer- 
reotypes of  an  earher  period.  They  look  old,  much 
older  than  when  we  knew  them,  and  much  older 
than  they  ever  did  in  later  years. 

They  were  delightful  old  ladies,  who  wore  dol- 
mans with  beads,  and  lace  mitts,  and  cloth  shoes 
without  heels,  and  carried  steel-beaded  reticules 
with  peppermints  therein.  And  when  they  rode 
in  state  they  screened  their  faces  from  the  sun 
with  long-handled,  jointed  sunshades  about  the 
size  of  a  saucer. 

And  they  entertained  in  the  most  delightful 
fashion,  and  their  suppers  were  always  of  raised 
biscuit,  sliced  chicken,  currant  jelly,  preserved 
pears  and  seed-cakes. 

This  was  the  time  when  the  young  man,  in  gala 
attire,  sported  the  slouch  hat,  very  much  on  one 
side  of  his  well-oiled  head,  the  short  velvet  coat, 
the  gray  trousers,  tucked  into  his  boot-legs;  when 
the  young  woman  of  fashion  wore  the  mammoth 
and  dreadful  waterfall,  with  its  two  long  curls 
hanging  on  the  shoulders ;  the  balmoral  boots  and 
the  plaid  shawl,  the  coral  earrings  and  the  heavy 

30 


REAL    BOYS 

bracelets,   and   bent   her   back   into   the   hideous 
"  Grecian  Bend." 


The  time  when  one  could  acquire  a  prodigious 
roll  of  legal  tender  by  the  simple  process  of  chang- 
ing a  five-dollar  bill  into  ten-cent  scrips,  and  when 
the  large  copper  cent  was  even  then  current  in 
sufficient  numbers  to  make  literal  holes  in  the 
pockets  of  its  possessors,  and  when  the  postage 
stamp  currency  of  war  time  was  a  recent  memory. 

Romani  fuenmt. 

31 


CHAPTER    3 

"  So  high  at  last  the  contest  rose, 
From  words  they  ahiiost  came  to  blows." 

THE  BATTLE. 

Arrived  at  the  library,  which  was  at  that  time 
located  in  the  old  town  building  on  Court  Street, 
they  were  joined  by  a  round-faced,  plump  boy,  who 
came  bolting  out  of  a  small  house  with  great  pre- 
cipitation, and  who  was  welcomed  with  loud  shouts 
of  "  Here  comes  Beany  Watson,"  ''  Beany  is  com- 
in'  now,  fellers."  "Hi,  Beany!  Seen  any  stewed 
cats?" 

"  You  fellers  had  jest  oughter  been  here  about 
ten  minutes  ago,"  said  Beany.  "  Cutler  an'  Sloan 
come  along,  and  me  an'  Pewt  plugged  'em,  and 
Pewt  hit  Sloan  right  in  the  ear  with  a  hard  one, 
and  they  chased  us  up  Maple  Street,  and  in 
through  old  Fifield's  yard,  and  out  back  of  the 
Unitarian  church,  and  caught  us  and  washed  our 
faces  good  and  rolled  us  in  the  slosh.  I  just 
changed  my  clothes,  an'  Pewt  has  gone  home  to 

32 


REAL    BOYS 

change  his.  Here  he  comes  now,"  he  added,  as 
a  thin-faced  boy  came  over  the  fence,  stopping  oc- 
casionally to  squeeze  a  snowball  between  his  knees 
with  such  vigor  that  he  made  preposterous  faces. 

The  entire  force  having  arranged  their  snowballs 
in  convenient  piles,  crouched  low  behind  the  snow- 
banks that  lined  the  sidewalks,  and  waited  with  a 
patience  that  would  have  been  a  credit  to  Isaac 
Walton.  It  was  not  long,  however,  before  a  tall, 
thin,  spectacled  student  came  walking  toward  the 
library  with  such  briskness  that  his  coat  tails 
flapped  in  consonance  with  his  stride.  As  he 
passed  under  the  large  elm  tree  in  front  of  the 
building,  a  snowball  whizzed  by  his  head  and 
struck  the  tree  with  a  spattering  crash.  Instantly 
he  ducked  and  wheeled  about.  Nothing  was  to  be 
seen,  the  high,  discolored  snow-banks  affording 
perfect  shelter  for  the  boys.  After  a  searching 
glance  around,  and  a  few  ominous  remarks,  he 
turned  to  enter  the  building,  when  a  missile  thrown 
by  the  master  hand  of  Bug  took  him  between  the 
shoulders  with  a  startling  thud,  and  a  perfect  hail 
of  balls  rattled  around  his  head  as  he,  like  a  pru- 
dent youth,  bolted  into  the  welcome  shelter  of  the 
great  barnlike  doors. 

3  33 


REAL    BOYS 

A  second  and  third  unfortunate  were  treated  in 
the  same  manner,  and  with  discretion  born  of  long 
and  bitter  experience  in  the  ways  of  townies,  es- 
caped with  slight  injuries.  In  a  moment  a  group 
of  five  or  six  students  approached,  and  the  boys 
prepared  for  warfare  of  the  most  vigorous  descrip- 
tion, when  Professor  Cilley  came  out  of  the  library, 
and  having  pleasantly  accosted  the  students, 
crossed  the  street  near  the  spot  where  our  young 
friends  lay  in  wait.  Dire  was  their  dismay  and 
deep  their  disgust  at  the  loss  of  so  good  a  chance, 
but  with  the  idea  of  actual  hostilities  when  the 
students  came  out  they  prepared  a  perfect  maga- 
zine of  ammunition,  which  they  hardened  by  press- 
ing between  their  knees  or  under  their  arms. 

While  thus  engaged,  behold  a  gorgeous  youth, 
arrayed  like  the  lily  of  the  field,  with  his  ambrosial 
locks  breathing  sweet  odors,  came  tripping.  Brad- 
ley, Bradley  the  Pompous,  Bradley  the  Senior, 
Bradley  the  youth  much  given  to  personal  adorn- 
ment and  worship  at  the  shrine  of  the  fair  maidens 
of  Exeter.  As  this  tempting  mark  approached, 
the  nerves  of  the  young  warriors  tingled  with  ex- 
citement, and  as  he  came  opposite  the  ambuscade 
he  received  a  volley. 

34 


REAL    BOYS 

With  commendable  courage,  but  with  an  utter 
lack  of  discretion,  owing-  perhaps  to  the  fact  that 
Tomtit's  snowball  had  burst  into  chocolate-colored 
pulp  full  in  his  polished  shirt  bosom,  he  dropped 
his  books  and  cane,  gathered  a  double  handful  of 
snow  without  removing  his  kid  gloves,  and  rushed 
in  the  direction  from  which  the  snowballs  came. 
This  was  the  reward  for  which  the  boys  had  so 
patiently  Vv^aited.  Forth  from  their  hiding  place 
they  rushed  with  yells  of  delight,  and  from  all  sides 
poured  a  fusillade  of  hard  balls  upon  the  almost 
defenceless  Bradley. 

"  111  fared  it  then  with  Rhoderick  Dhu 
When  on  the  ground  his  targe  he  threw." 

Bradley  made  blind  and  ineffectual  rushes  at  his 
small  opponents,  who  easily  avoided  him,  and  from 
behind  inflicted  dire  punishment  upon  his  head, 
back  and  shoulders.  Yea,  even  the  plump  and 
comely  legs,  encased  in  tightly-fitting  lavender 
trousers,  received  a  generous  share  of  attention 
as  shining  marks  for  particularly  hard  and  stinging 
missiles. 

Matters  were  becoming  serious,  when  there  was 
a  shout  and  a  banging  of  doors  at  the  library,  and 

35 


REAL    BOYS 

a  half  score  of  students  came  rushing  to  the  rescue. 
And  now  the  victors  were  put  to  great  straits  to 
avoid  reprisals,  and  scattered  like  a  flock  of  par- 
tridges, and  owing  to  their  more  intimate  knowl- 
edge of  fences  and  back  yards  and  alleys  made 
good  their  escape. 

All,  alas!  but  Fatty  and  Plupy.  The  former, 
whose  over-robust  proportions  were  not  conducive 
to  speed  in  flight  or  scandatorial  ability  in  shinning 
fences,  and  the  latter,  whose  attenuated  legs  were 
wobbly  and  unreliable,  were  quickly  overhauled, 
were  soundly  cuffed,  their  faces  washed  in  muddy 
slush  and  their  necks  filled  with  snow,  despite  their 
kicks,  struggles  and  incendiary  remarks. 

While  these  indignities  were  being  perpetrated 
upon  the  persons  of  these  worthies  the  other  boys 
had  not  been  idle.  Although  they  had  retreated, 
and  retreated  with  such  abruptness  that  Puzzy,  in 
climbing  a  picket  fence,  had  been  caught  on  a 
picket,  and  had  only  saved  himself  from  the  dread- 
ful fate  that  had  overtaken  Fatty  and  Plupy  by 
leaving  a  segment  of  his  trousers  on  the  fence,  yet 
they  were  not  conquered.  Far  from  it.  They  had 
simply  executed  a  flank  movement,  and  scarcely 
had  the  students  finished  the  execution  of  their  vic- 

36 


REAL    BOYS 

tims  when  another  broadside  was  poured  upon 
them  from  behind  fences. 

Again  they  charged,  and  again  did  their  wily 
foes  escape,  only  to  renew  the  attack  as  the 
students  moved  off  up  the  street.  And  now  rein- 
forcements were  at  hand,  for  down  Maple  Street 
came  on  the  run,  with  a  prodigious  clumping  of 
rubber  boots,  Micky  Hickey,  Honey  Donovan, 
Pop  Clark,  Herb  Choate,  Skinny  and  Rob  Bruce, 
and  attacked  the  students  furiously,  while  the  other 
boys  harassed  them  from  the  sides.  Straight 
through  Maple  Street  the  students  charged,  the 
townies  retreating,  but  contesting  every  inch  of 
the  ground.  Snowballs  zipped  by  their  ears, 
thudded  against  their  bodies,  spattered  against 
trees,  fences  and  houses.  The  students,  although 
far  stronger,  were  outnumbered  by  these  smaller 
but  superior  marksmen,  whose  numbers  were  con- 
stantly increasing.  Hats  were  brushed  off,  shirt 
bosoms  wilted,  ears  filled  with  icy  snow  and  eyes 
endangered. 

And  now  the  students  were  reinforced,  and  in 
good  time,  for  as  the  battle  raged  up  and  down 
Maple  Street,  from  the  court  leading  from  the  rear 
of  Towle's  stableyard  came  rushing  the  combined 

37 


REAL   BOYS 

force  of  students  from  the  Towle  and  Jamlesoit 
boarding-houses,  good  ball  players,  strong  throw- 
ers and  fighters  every  man  of  them.  Back  they^ 
drove  the  townies,  forcing  their  way  into  the  street, 
and  escaping  from  the  cul-de-sac  which  had  proved 
so  disastrous  to  their  companions.  As  they  reached 
the  broader  thoroughfare  they  took  things  easier, 
and  had  no  difficulty  in  holding  their  opponents  iri 
check. 

But  at  this  point  a  new  element  entered  into  the 
battle.  Snowballs  were  still  flying,  but  at  longer 
range,  and  comparatively  little  damage  was  done, 
while  the  combatants  were  taking  breath  and  re- 
pairing damages,  when  with  body  half  bent,  and 
with  a  peculiarly  graceful  and  rapid  gait,  came  a 
tall,  thin,  wiry  boy,  dark-complexioned,  with  snap" 
ping  black  eyes,  who  was  greeted  with  cries  of 
"  Here's  Pacer,  fellers.     Now  we'll  fix  'em !  " 

That  their  confidence  was  not  misplaced  was  at 
once  demonstrated,  for  Pacer,  with  a  most  peculiar 
twist  of  his  wrist,  sent  a  shot  like  lightning  which 
struck  a  student  plump  on  the  forehead.  A  second 
shot  landed  like  a  cannon  ball  amidships  a  promi- 
nent student,  doubling  him  up  like  a  shrimp,  while 
a  third  carried  away  the  cap  of  one  who  rose  from 

38 


REAL    BOYS 

a  stooping  position  just  in  time  to  head  off  the 
flying  missile. 

Again  the  students  charged,  and  again  the 
townies  fell  back,  fighting  as  they  retreated,  send- 
ing volley  after  volley  and  receiving  broadside 
after  broadside.  In  the  meantime  some  of  the 
townies  had  raced  through  Towle's  yard  and 
alarmed  the  Spring  Street  gang,  and  they  came 
rushing  to  the  fray,  Pheby  and  Billy  Taylor,  Flip- 
pity  Flanagan,  Buenos  Ayres  Ellenwood,  Dinky 
Lord,  Ame  and  Herman  Nudd,  closely  followed 
by  the  Town  Hill  gang,  Ticky  Moses,  Shinny 
Thyng,  Ned  Walker,  Sammy  Ricker  and  Sam 
Gadd,  while  from  a  passing  grocery  team  Chitter 
Robinson  and  Scotty  Brigham  dropped;  and  the 
new-comers,  racing  up  the  street,  attacked  the 
students  in  the  rear,  who  again  found  themselves 
hemmed  in  between  two  fires. 

And  now  the  battle  raged  fiercer  than  before. 
The  whole  air  seemed  full  of  missiles,  and  the 
charges  of  the  students  were  met  at  close  range 
and  great  execution  done.  The  place  was  too  hot 
for  the  students,  outnumbered  as  they  were,  and 
turning  their  backs  to  their  old  opponents  they 
charged    through    the    new-comers    desperately, 

39 


REAL    BOYS 

while  the  others  smothered  them  with  snowballs 
from  behind. 

Up  the  street,  toward  the  Academy  yard,  the 
fight  surged  and  eddied,  the  townies  heading  off 
the  students,  hanging  on  their  flanks,  assailing 
them  from  all  sides.  But  as  the  battered  remnant 
of  the  students  came  in  sight  of  their  yard  they 
made  a  last  desperate  stand,  while  the  war  cry  of 
the  student,  "  P.  E.  A.  This  way,"  rang  out  like 
a  call  for  help.  It  was  at  once  answered  from 
within  the  yard,  and  in  an  instant  scores  of  students 
from  Abbot  Hall,  active,  lusty  young  fellows,  came 
jumping  the  Academy  fence  to  the  rescue,  scatter- 
ing the  townies,  bowling  them  over  and  pursuing 
them  across  lots  and  down  side  streets.  In  a  short 
time  they  came  panting  back  victorious,  while  from 
afar  off,  still  uncaught,  still  unconquered,  that 
human  catapult.  Pacer,  sent  shell  after  shell  into 
the  "  Ranks  of  Tuscany  "  until  they  disappeared, 
and    white-winged    peace    settled    over   the    little 

town. 

40 


CHAPTER   4 

"  When  the  down  is  on  the  chin 
And  the  gold-gleam  in  the  hair, 
When  the  birds  their  sweethearts  win 
And  champagne  is  in  the  air." 

— Lowell. 

The  next  Monday  morning  the  boys  were 
promptly  in  their  places  when  the  school  bell  rang. 
Puzzy  triumphantly  exhibited  a  black  eye,  while 
several  others  bore  marks  of  the  exciting  battle  of 
the  previous  Saturday.  Plupy  appeared  with  a 
flannel  lined  with  pork  adorning  his  manly  throat, 
and  coughed  a  cough  of  portentous  hollowness, 
caused  by  his  immersion  in  the  wet  slush  of  the 
day  of  battle. 

The  Grammar  School  was  at  that  time  in  charge 
of  Mr.  Sperry  French,  one  of  the  most  efficient  and 
thorough  teachers  Exeter  boys  ever  had.  The  old 
brick  school-house  behind  the  old  County  Build- 
ing, where  the  new  library  now  stands,  now,  alas, 
removed  to  make  room  for  a  more  pretentious 

41 


REAL    BOYS 

structure,  had  been  for  many  years  the  scene  of 
much  hard  study,  a  considerable  amount  of  vigor- 
ous discipline  and  an  almost  unlimited  quantity  of 
pure  fun  and  healthy  enjoyment. 

Mr.  French's  theory  and  practice  was  to  keep 
his  pupils  thoroughly  interested  in  their  work,  and 
up  to  concert  pitch  during  school  hours,  and  to 
that  effect  he  introduced  at  times  abrupt  and  start- 
ling methods  of  instruction  to  present  doubtful  and 
intricate  problems  in  the  clear  light  that  prac- 
ticality alone  affords. 

And  so  when  Jack  Melville  was  befogged  in  a 
dense  fog  of  fractions,  and  was  utterly  unable  to 
comprehend  the  rule  of  the  inversion  of  the  divisor, 
he  was  seized  by  this  ingenious  instructor  and 
turned  bodily  upside  down  before  the  amazed  and 
delighted  scholars,  everyone  of  whom  saw  the 
point,  while  Jack,  with  a  cheerful  grin,  said,  "  I 
guess  I  know  it  now,  sir."  Fractions  were  Jack's 
strong  point  after  that. 

Mr.  French's  punishments,  while  just  and  vigor- 
ous, were  frequently  so  original  and  amusing  as  to 
appeal  to  the  victims  themselves,  and  Hke  statutory 

penalties,  were  held  out  as  warnings  to  the  culprit 

42 


REAL   BOYS 

and  to  others  of  mischievous  tendencies  rather  than 
as  punishments  to  individual  transgressors. 

Of  the  propriety  of  compelling  two  boys  who 
had  been  detected  in  the  heinous  offence  of  fight- 
ing to  stand  on  the  platform,  in  the  full  glare  of 


publicity,  with  arms  fondly  encircling  each  other's 
necks ;  of  obliging  one  who  had  been  guilty  of  mal- 
feisance  in  chewing  gum  to  give  a  public  exhibi- 
tion from  the  same  platform  of  rapid  mastication, 
until  the  luckless  victim's  jaws  nearly  fell  apart;  of 

43 


REAL    BOYS 

constraining  the  offender  who  had  been  discovered 
in  the  act  of  surreptitiously  eating  an  apple  behind 
the  friendly  shelter  of  a  "  Guyot's  Common  School 
Geography  "  to  instantly  march  to  the  platform 
and  publicly  perform  the  gastronomic  feat  of  eat- 
ing apple,  core,  seeds  and  worm-holes;  of  the  pro- 
priety of  this,  I  maintain,  there  can  be  no  question. 

At  this  day  his  school  was  a  mixed  school  of  girls 
and  boys,  and  the  friendly  rivalry  in  scholarship 
and  good  behavior  between  the  sexes  was  fostered 
to  the  utmost  by  this  keen  and  far-sighted  in- 
structor. 

He  was  a  good  musician,  and  our  shrill  childish 
voices  were  trained  to  render  with  vim  and  expres- 
sion the  school  songs  of  the  old  "  Nightingale," 
such  as  "  Annie  Lyle,"  "  What's  the  News,"  "  We 
Love  to  Sing  Together,"  "  Speed  Away "  and 
others,  while  our  teacher  pranced  about  the  aisles 
and  platform  waving  his  stick  and  book  and  sing- 
ing vigorously,  now  a  little  bass,  now  a  little  alto 
to  help  out  the  girls,  and  now  a  good  deal  of  lusty 
tenor. 

Indeed,  it  was  a  sight  to  see  Bug  and  Chick 
Chickering,  who  sat  in  adjoining  seats,  while  lustily 
singing'  "  We  All  Love  One  Another,"  watching 

44 


REAL    BOYS 

a  chance  when  the  teacher's  attention  was  tem- 
porarily diverted  to  get  in  a  few  soHd  punches  on 
each  other's  anatomy. 

As  Mr.  French's  name  may  not  appear  in  these 


pages,  I  will  say  that  after  thirty-three  years  of 
continuous  service  in  the  same  school  he  resigned, 
and  the  popular  demonstration  in  his  honor  is  still 
talked  of  as  one  of  the  events  of  the  decade,  and 
to  this  day  none  of  his  old  pupils  revisit  Exeter 

45 


RE'Alj   BOYS 


without  first  inqiiiriiii^  al)ont  and  then  visiting  their 
old  teacher. 

On  this  Monday  morning  it  was  evident  that 
something  was  in  the  wind.  Jennie  Morrison,  one 
of  the  prettiest,  most  vivacious  and  most  admired 
girls  in  the  school,  for  whose  favors  all  the  boys 
sighed,  and  most  of  them  sighed  in  vain,  was  seen 
talking  in  a  most  animated  manner  with  Whacker, 


f-  ft.  &«»  oe  «_  "«- 


Bug  and  Puzzy,  who  were  mysteriously  dignified 

and  important. 

It  leaked  out  at  recess  that  the  Chadwicks  were 

to  have  a  party.    At  once  they  became  the  objects 

46 


REAL   BOYS 

of  the  most  flattering  attentions  on  the  part  of  their 
friends  and  acquaintances.  Those  of  the  boys  who 
had  apples  urged  the  cores  upon  them.  Those  who 
rejoiced  in  gum  were  anxious  to  Hterally  divide  the 
last  mouthful  with  their  prospective  hosts.  Others 
praised  their  skill  in  various  games  of  strength  and 
daring,  or  purposely  allowed  themselves  to  be 
"spelled  down"  by  these  young  gentlemen;  and 
one  ambitious  youth,  whose  claims  to  the  honor  of 
an  invitation  were  of  the  slightest,  purposely 
picked  a  quarrel  with  the  pugnacious  Bug,  and  de- 
signedly allowed  himself  to  be  "  licked,"  in  the 
hope  that  the  victor's  heart  would  be  so  warmed 
by  his  victory  as  to  move  him  to  invite  the  con- 
quered to  the  party,  bearing  a  black  eye  or  a  swol- 
len lip  as  a  living  proof  of  his  host's  prowess. 

As  for  the  girls,  they  unbent,  and  shamelessly 
bestowed  their  brightest  smiles,  the  most  lurid  of 
candy  mottoes  and  the  most  seductive  of  jujube 
paste  upon  the  happy  Chadwicks,  for  a  party  at 
their  house  was  an  event  to  be  long  remembered. 

As  the  function  was  to  take  place  on  Wednesday 
evening,  and  as  the  invitations  were  pretty  gen- 
erally distributed,  it  is  safe  to  say  that  only  the 
unremitting  industry  of  Mr.  French  kept  his  schol- 

47 


REAL    BOYS 

ars  up  to  the  scholastic  mark  during  the  three 
days  preceding  the  festal  occasion.  The  approved 
method  of  bestowing  invitations  was  as  follows : 

Bug,  loquitur:  "  Hi,  Plupy !  Wancher  to  come 
to  my  party  Wensdy.  Goin'  to  have  a  big  time. 
We'll  git  the  twin  Browns  fightin'.  Lessee  "  (con- 
sulting a  list),  "  I've  got  to  invite  you,  and  Pewt, 
and  Beany,  and  Pop  and  Nigger,  and  Tady  and 
Nibby,  and  Priscilla  and  Stubby;  and  Puzzy  has 
got  to  invite  Diddly  and  Fatty,  and  Zee  and 
Skinny,  and  a  lot  of  the  fellers;  and  Whack  and 
Annie  are  to  invite  the  girls.  You'll  be  on  hand, 
woncher,  Plupy  ?  " 

"  Betcher  I'll  come,  fi  don't  git  sent  to  bed  for 
somethin'." 

In  this  way  delightful  anticipations  were  kindled 
in  many  a  small  bosom,  and  even  the  retail  stores 
felt  the  influence,  inasmuch  as  the  traffic  in  paper 
collars,  false  bosoms,  blue  string  neckties  with 
white  spots  and  Day  and  Martin's  blacking  became 
quite  feverishly  active. 

On  Wednesday  a  somewhat  mixed  assemblage 
thronged  the  spacious  parlors  of  Captain  Chad- 
wick's  hospitable  mansion.     The  olive  branches  of 

the  courtly  captain  and  his  stately  wife  were  numer- 

48 


REAL    BOYS 

ous,  descending  in  regular  gradations  like  a  flight 
of  steps,  from  the  eldest  daughter,  a  young  lady  of 
sixteen,  to  the  youngest  son,  a  tot  of  five;  and  as 
each  individual  step  was  allowed  the  privilege  of 
bidding  to  the  feast  a  certain  number  of  other  steps 
of  like  size  and  age,  "  irrespective  of  race,  color 
and  previous  condition  of  servitude,"  the  natural 
result  was  a  very  numerous  and  rather  bizarre 
gathering,  and  as  everyone  came  promptly  at  the 
hour  named  it  was  a  veritable  tidal  wave  of  young- 
sters. 

The  boys  came  dressed  neatly,  and  for  the  most 
part  provided  with  light  slippers,  for  which  their 
heavy  boots  were  exchanged  as  soon  as  they  en- 
tered the  house.  A  few  of  the  older  boys,  special 
guests  of  Miss  Annie,  had  attained  their  ambition, 
the  bob-tailed  coat,  the  toga  virilis  of  budding  man- 
hood ;  while  the  youthful  hostess  and  a  few  of  her 
bosom  friends  had,  in  honor  of  the  occasion,  dis- 
carded the  braids  of  the  schoolgirl  for  the  coiffure 
of  the  woman  of  fashion,  and  their  smiles  were 
much  sought  after  by  the  older  boys  and  the  few 
students  who  were  present. 

The  rooms  presented  a  scene  of  animation  bois- 
terous to  a  degree.    In  a  corner  of  the  library,  dur- 

49 


REAL   BOYS 

ing  the  absence  of  the  host  and  hostess,  the  fight 
between  the  twin  Browns,  two  sandy-haired,  lank, 
white-eyelashed  youths,  was  being  pulled  off  ac- 
cording to  promise,  while  a  ring  of  choice  spirits 
alternately  cheered  them  on  and  kept  a  sharp  eye 
out  for  those  in  authority. 

In  the  sitting-room  the  tots  were  playing  "  Ring 
Round  a  Rosy  "  and  "  Bushel  of  Rags,"  while  in 
the  parlor  "  Virginia  Reel,"  "  Copenhagen  "  and 
"  Post  Office  "  had  their  quota  of  devotees;  and 
occasional  glimpses  of  white-coated  and  capped 
caterers'  assistants  whetted  the  anticipation  of  the 
guests  in  a  most  delightfully  tantalizing  manner. 

Promptly  at  the  stroke  of  nine  the  dining-room 
doors  were  thrown  open,  and  the  eager  guests,  re- 
straining themselves  with  great  difficulty  from 
pushing,  marched  in  a  most  orderly  manner  to 
their  places  in  the  dining-room,  where  long  tables, 
short  tables,  big  tables,  little  tables,  card  tables 
and  lacquered  Japanese  tables  were  loaded  with 
substantial  fare,  and  literally  flung  themselves 
upon  it. 

What  a  supper  that  was !  What  prodigious  feats 
of  gastronomy  were  performed,  aided  and  abetted 
to  the  utmost  by  Mrs.  Chadwick,  who  knew  by 

50 


REAL   BOYS 

domestic  experience  the  capacity  of  her  own  boys, 
and  wisely  judged  that  it  was  not  exceptional. 

After  supper  there  were  more  games,  blindman's 
buf¥,  charades,  clap  in  and  clap  out,  winding  up 
with  a  grand  sing  and  good-night. 

Unfortunately,  among  so  many  gallant  youths 
and  pretty  girls  it  was  impossible  for  an  evening 
so  spent  to  pass  without  occasioning  some  heart- 
burning, and  something  occurred  to  mar  the  per- 
fect enjoyment  of  the  luckless  Fatty,  something 
fraught  with  the  most  weighty  consequences,  as 
the  subsequent  chapters  will  show. 

Fatty,  upon  whom  the  fascinating  Jennie  Morri- 
son had  smiled,  and  whose  attentions  for  the  past 
few  weeks  she  had  openly  encouraged,  had  noticed 
with  great  concern  that  on  this  particular  evening 
she  betrayed  an  all  too  evident  inclination  to  be- 
stow her  smiles  upon  the  Academy  students  pres- 
ent, and  in  turn  received  their  attentions  in  what 
was  undoubtedly  a  delightfully  friendly  manner,  at 
least  to  them,  while  to  the  unhappy  Fatty,  who  was 
treated  by  her  with  well-bred  indifference,  these 
social  amenities  were  gall  of  an  exceeding  bitter- 
ness. 

One  of  these  students  in  particular,  named 
51 


REAL    BOYS 

Bates,  and  who  was  known  to  the  townies  under 
the  appellation  of  "  Fishy,"  was  unremitting  in  his 
attentions  to  the  fair  Jennie,  and  it  was  only  too 
evident  that  his  attentions  were  fully  appreciated 
and  his  friendly  feelings  cordially  reciprocated. 

In  vain  did  the  fat  and  fatuous  Fatty  endeavor 
to  slap  her  hands  in  the  Copenhagen  ring.  Deftly 
she  avoided  him,  only  to  fall,  willingly  as  it  seemed, 
into  similar  traps  laid  for  her  by  the  wily  and 
triumphant  Fishy.  In  vain  did  the  jealous  swain 
attempt  in  "  Button,  button  "  to  obey  the  com- 
mand to  "  rise  and  redeem  her."  For  him  there 
were  no  letters  in  the  "  Post  Office,"  and  the  lot- 
tery of  forfeits  held  for  him  naught  but  blanks. 

For  a  time  he  feigned  a  hollow  merrimnet,  too 
ghastly  to  be  real,  but  finally  retired  in  disgust 
from  the  room  and  took  refuge  in  the  dining-room, 
where  he  drank  deep  draughts  of  "  Malvoisie  " — 
i.e.,  colored  lemonade — and  darkly  communed  with 
his  trusty  friends,  the  redoubtable  Bug,  Puzzy,  the 
foe  of  students,  still  bearing  the  black  eye  received 
in  the  snowball  fight;  Tomtit,  who  urged  imme- 
diate violence;  Whacker,  who  counselled  a  con- 
certed attack  with  hard  snowballs  after  the  party 
broke  up,  and  the  highly  sympathetic  but  less  pug- 

52 


REAL   BOYS 

nacious  Plupy,  and  the  pacific  but  scandalized  Pot- 
ter, who,  however  much  he  may  have  deplored  the 
condition  of  affairs,  willingly  sunk  his  own  identity 
where  the  welfare  of  a  friend  demanded  it. 

That  the  undoing  of  a  friend  and  compatriot 
should  have  been  the  work  of  a  "  stewed  cat  "  was 
regarded  by  the  boys  as  an  insult,  an  insult  to  be 
wiped  out  by  blood  and  by  blood  alone.  For  while 
individually  they  would  have  striven  earnestly  each 
to  cut  out  the  other  in  the  affections  of  the  fickle 
one,  their  common  cause  against  the  students 
bound  them  together  in  bonds  of  "  brass  and  triple 
steel." 

And  so,  after  as  guarded  a  conference  as  the  in- 
terrupted nature  of  their  seclusion  would  admit, 
considering  that  they  stood  near  the  punch  bowl, 
they  resolved  upon  a  council  of  war  upon  the  mor- 
row, drank  a  bumper  to  the  confusion  of  the  com- 
mon enemy  and  returned  to  the  gay  scene  just  as 
the  guests  were  preparing  to  depart  and  a  dis- 
hevelled scramble  for  rubber  boots  was  in 
progress. 

Now  hope  "  triumphant  o'er  his  fears "  again 
animated  the  manly  bosom  of  our  corpulent  friend. 
Perhaps,  yes,  perhaps  all  might  be  well;  perhaps 
she  was  only  trying  to  dissemble  her  affection;  per- 

53 


REAL    BOYS 

haps  she  was  testing  his;  perhaps  a  dozen  things. 

Hastily  crowding  on  his  boots  and  squirming 
into  his  pea  jacket,  the  newly  hopeful  Fatty  took 
his  station  at  the  foot  of  the  front  stairs,  amid  a 
group  of  bashful  and  sheepish  looking  youths,  and 
as  the  coquettish  Jennie  appeared,  becomingly  ar- 
rayed in  an  astrachan  jacket  and  hat,  boldly  pushed 
forward,  with  the  usual  "  Can  I  see  you  home,  Miss 
Morrison?  "  but  fell  back  in  mortified  amaze  as  she 
coolly  declined  the  offer  and  deftly  slipped  her  red- 
mittened  hand  through  the  extended  arm  of  the 
despised  "  stewed  cat." 

At  this  crowning  humiliation  Bug,  who  with  the 
rest  of  the  family  was  engaged  in  speeding  the 
parting  guest,  loudly  yelled  "  Stewedcat !  Stewed- 
cat  !  "  and  v^  as  only  restrained  by  force  from  send- 
ing a  rubber  boot  full  at  the  offender's  head. 

A  stern  maternal  command  to  the  three  Chad- 
wick  boys  prevented  an  immediate  expedition  to 
waylay  and  destroy  the  marauder  on  his  way  from 
the  dwelling  of  the  inconsistent  damsel,  and  Fatty, 
temporarily  crushed,  and  as  one  well  stricken  in 
years,  was  escorted  home  by  Tomtit,  Plupy  and 
Potter,  who  vainly  tried  to  revive  his  drooping 
spirits  and  beguile  his  sadness  with  entertaining 
gossip  and  jovial  converse. 

54  ^ 


'CHAPTER    5 

"And  never  shall  in  friendly  clasp 
The  hand  of  such  as  Marmion  clasp." 

— Scott. 

The  next  day  was  rainy,  windy,  dreary,  a  typical 
March  day.  The  piles  of  dingy  snow,  already 
shrunken  under  the  warm  sun  of  the  previous  day, 
melted  away  and  became  rivulets  to  swell  the  gut- 
ters into  raging  torrents. 

As  the  brown  and  sodden  earth  came  into  view 
after  its  long  winter's  concealment  hundreds  of 
bones,  thrown  by  thrifty  housekeepers  into  the 
back  yard,  likewise  appeared,  and  as  they  had  a  dis- 
tinct value  as  articles  of  commerce  they  were  gath- 
ered by  the  boys  and  sold  to  the  hardware  dealers, 
and  were  popularly  supposed  to  be  used  to  make 
ivory  articles  of  great  value.  At  all  events,  the 
collecting  of  refuse  bones  was  a  regular  spring 
trade,  in  the  pursuit  of  which  our  young  friends 
amassed  many  coppers  and  three-cent  pieces. 

The  prudent  and  far-sighted  Plupy,  anticipating 
55 


REAL    BOYS 

a  sharp  decline  in  the  prices  of  his  stock  in  trade, 
now  sadly  depleted  by  the  generous  patronage  of 
his  associates,  made  a  deal  with  a  confiding  friend 
who  aspired  to  a  mercantile  life,  sold  out  the  re- 
mainder of  his  stock  at  a  great  sacrifice,  disposed 
of  his  net  receipts  of  iron  and  lead  for  the  not  in- 
considerable sum  of  twenty-eight  cents  and  retired 
wealthy. 

As  he  was  a  youth  of  the  most  hospitable  nature, 
he  without  much  difficulty  obtained  his  parents' 
consent  to  invite  a  few  of  his  friends  to  share  the 
proceeds  of  the  mercantile  venture,  and  incident- 
ally to  discuss  the  momentous  case  of  Fatty  vs. 
Fishy. 

Accordingly  he  bade  his  friends  to  make  merry 
with  him,  and  at  eight  o'clock  that  evening  Fatty, 
Bug,  Puzzy,  Whacker,  Tomtit  and  Potter  were  to 
be  seen  in  a  comfortable  back  room  of  Plupy's 
domicile,  busily  engaged  in  disposing  of  a  collation 
bought  with  the  nail  money,  Pewt  and  Beany  had 
been  invited,  but  the  former  had  been  seriously 
bitten  by  a  tame  gray  squirrel  which  he  was  ex- 
hibiting to  a  friend,  and  the  latter  had  eaten  too 
much  at  the  Chadwick's  party  and  was  reported  to 
be  in  a  most  critical  and  alarming  condition. 

56 


REAL    BOYS 

The  collation,  which  had  absorbed  the  entire 
contents  of  the  till,  had  been  chosen  with  great 
judgment  by  the  host,  and  was  so  liberal  and  varied 
in  assortment  as  to  justify  detailed  mention.  Seven 
huge  cream  cakes  from  the  local  baker,  each  a 
brown  leathery  envelope  enclosing  a  very  sweet 
paste.  One  dozen  large  jumbles,  bought  at  the 
same  place.  Slightly  damaged  and  shop-worn, 
they  were  purchased  at  such  a  discount  as  to  be 
regarded  in  the  light  of  a  great  bargain.  Seven 
gooseberries,  hard,  round  balls  of  candy,  slightly 
transparent  and  decorated  with  alternate  opaque 
stripes.  They  were  hard  as  white  marbles,  and  the 
strongest  teeth  could  make  no  impression  on  them, 
but  when  persistently  sucked  they  would  dwindle 
steadily  for  a  long  time  and  diffuse  an  agreeable 
sweetness  until  exhausted.  They  were  indeed 
"  pieces  de  resistance." 

Seven  corn  balls,  likewise  bargains,  and  for  sim- 
ilar reasons.  Seven  taffies,  brownish  concoctions 
of  molasses  candy  and  minced  cocoanut,  much  in 
vogue  at  that  period,  and  usually  exposed  for  sale 
in  the  windows  of  small  shops,  neatly  stuck  on 
strips  of  white  tissue  paper.  It  was  no  violation  of 
the  rules  of  polite  behavior  to  eat  the  paper  also. 

57 


REAL    BOYS 

One  huge  cocoanttt,  untapped,  which  when 
shaken  g'ave  forth  an  agreeable  gurgle  and  swash, 
promising  refreshing  drink  for  the  thirsty  and  sub- 
stantial meat  for  the  starving.  A  pitcher  of  sweet- 
ened water  and  an  unlimited  supply  of  the  finest 
sweet  fern  cigars  saved  from  the  wreck  of  the  stock 
in  trade. 

The  eyes  of  the  guests,  at  the  unprecedented 
magnificence  of  the  entertainment,  sparkled,  and  a 
joint  and  several  attack  was  made  on  the  provender 
with  marked  effect.  At  the  expiration  of  a  half 
hour  spent  in  this  agreeable  fashion  the  last  of  the 
eatables,  saving  the  gooseberries,  which  were 
spared  for  disposal  during  school  hours,  had  disap- 
peared, and  the  guests,  choosing  and  lighting  a 
sweet  fern  cheroot  each,  began  a  high-pitched  dis- 
cussion of  the  absorbing  events  of  the  preceding 
evening. 

"  It's  pretty  tough,"  sighed  Bug,  "  that  the  rain 
came  just  in  time  to  spoil  the  snow.  'F  mother 
hadn't  stopped  us  last  night  we  would  have  just 
lammed  time  out  of  Fishy." 

"  S'pose  'twon't  do  to  wait  till  green  apple  time," 

said  Tomtit  reflectively. 

"  Huh !    Course  not,"  sneered  Puzzy. 
58 


REAL   BOYS 

"  We  might  trip  him  up  some  night  with  a 
string,"  suggested  Whacker. 

"  You  don't  catch  me  trying  that  again,"  said 
Fatty.  "  Las'  fall  me  an'  Pewt  were  layin'  for  Nip- 
per Brown,  and  old  John  Quincy  Ann  Pollard  came 
limpin'  along  'n  fell  down  whack,  'n  broke  a  whole 
pailful  of  eggs,  'n  mother  made  me  pay  for  the 
eggs  out  of  my  'lowance,  and  kep'  me  in  the  yard 
for  a  week.  That's  always  the  way,  if  you  lay  for 
one  feller  some  other  one  comes  along  and  tumbles 
down." 

"  ril  tell  you,  boys,"  said  Potter  in  his  quiet 
way,  "  I  think  Fatty  ought  to  send  Fishy  a  chal- 
lenge to  fight,  just  as  Tom  Brown  and  Slugger 
Williams  fought  in  that  story.  Fishy  can  have  a 
few  of  his  friends  for  seconds  and  we  will  all  be 
Fatty's  seconds,  and  we  will  have  a  ring  and 
sponges  and  bottles  and  everything." 

"  That'll  be  bully,"  said  Bug,  with  great  enthu- 
siasm. "  No  clawin',  nor  rasslin',  nor  pullin'  hair 
nor  kickin',  but  just  stand  right  up  and  punch  each 
other  square  in  the  mug." 

"  S'pose  he  won't  fight?"  queried  Tomtit. 

"  He'll  fight  fast  enough,"  said  Fatty,  who  ap- 
peared to  have  misgivings  as  to  the  result, 

59 


REAL    BOYS 

"  You  can  lick  'im  easy.  You're  bigger  'n  he  is 
and  can  fight  like  time,"  rejoined  Tomtit,  with  deft 
and  reassuring  flattery. 

"  I'll  fight  him  ,"  said  Bug  excitedly. 

"  What  yer  got  to  do  about  it?  "  asked  Whacker. 

"  'Cause  he's  an  old  '  stewed  cat '  an'  Fatty's 
afraid." 

"  I  ain't  afraid,  neither,"  roared  Fatty,  incensed 
at  the  imputation.  "  I  can  hck  him  in  two  min- 
utes." 

"  I  think,"  said  Potter,  quietly  coming  forward 
as  usual  to  smooth  things  over,  "  that  Whacker 
and  I  had  better  take  a  challenge  to  Fishy  to-mor- 
row, and  have  the  fight  next  Saturday." 

"What  yer  want  to  wait  so  long  for?"  de- 
manded the  impatient  Tomtit. 

"  Perhaps  he'll  be  expelled  before  that  or 
Fatty'll  back  out,"  said  Bug,  who  perceived  the 
necessity  of  spurring  the  reluctant  Fatty  to  action. 

"I  won't  neither,"  bawled  Fatty  indignantly. 

"  Well,  anyway,"  explained  Potter,  "  you've  got 
t©  train  your  man  if  you  want  him  to  put  up  a  good 
fight." 

"Train?  What's  that?"  asked  Plupy  the  un- 
sophisticated. 

"  Why,  Fatty's  got  to  run  a  mile  every  day,  can't 
6q 


REAL    BOYS 

eat  no  pastry  nor  candy,  or  smoke  no  sweet  fern 
cigars,  and  has  got  to  punch  with  the  fellers  every 
day  with  gloves  so  as  to  get  into  practice,"  ex- 
plained the  learned  Potter, 

"  That's  great,"  chimed  in  Bug,  sparring  in  a 
highly  scientific  manner,  evidently  anticipating  in- 
teresting developments. 

Even  Fatty  manifested  some  enthusiasm  over 
the  matter  put  in  this  light,  although  the  prospect 
of  a  pastryless  week  was  anything  but  alluring  to 
a  youth  of  his  robust  appetite,  and  caused  him  to 
pull  a  very  long  face. 

"  I  knew  a  feller  once,"  said  Tomtit,  who  was 
remarkable  for  his  imagination,  "  who  lived  in 
North  Hampton,  and  he  and  my  uncle  John  used 
to  practice  boxin'  an'  rasslin'  'til  they  could  lick 
fellers  three  times  as  big  as  they  were,  an'  they  got 
as  hard  as  rocks,  an'  you  couldn't  hardly  jab  a  pin 
into  'em  anywhere." 

"  What  sort  of  a  challenge  are  you  goin'  to 
send?"  asked  Whacker. 

"  Got  to  have  a  gauntlet  to  throw  at  him,  haven't 
you?  "  demanded  Puzzy,  who  was  literal  and  Hter- 
ary  in  his  tastes. 

"  Tell  yer  what,"  cried  Bug,  always  ready  with 

startling  suggestions,  "  le's  put  a  half  brick  in  my 

61 


REAL    BOYS 

mitten  an'  give  it  to  him  right  in  the  ear,  'n  then 
he'll  fight." 

This  brilHant  but  truculent  suggestion  was  pro- 
nounced decidedly  irregular  by  the  oracular  Pot- 
ter, and  after  much  consideration  the  following 
challenge  was  dictated  to  and  signed  by  the  darkly 

determined  Fatty: 

"  March  6teen*h,  i86 — . 
"Fishy  Bate. 
"  Stewedcat. 
"You  are  respectively  challinged  to  meet  me  enny- 
wheres,  Saturday  afternoon,  for  a  fight  to  a  finish.     You 
are  aloud  to  bring  not  exceding  6  secons. 

"  Ned  Oilman." 

This  was  justly  regarded  as  a  triumph  of  diplo- 
matic art,  and  well  calculated  to  bring  on  hostilities 
of  the  most  lively  nature. 

Further  discussion  was  cut  short  by  the  ringing 
of  the  nine  o'clock  curfew,  and  the  seven  worthies, 
after  promising  to  inaugurate  a  vigorous  system 
of  training  on  the  morrow,  prudently  threw  away 
their  cheroots  and  wended  their  noisy  way  home- 
ward, smelling  like  a  bonfire  of  dry  leaves.  Con- 
sidering the  quantity  and  indigestible  quality  of 
the  refreshments,  this  course  of  training  was  in  the 
highest  degree  advisable,  provided  any  of  them 

survived  the  night. 

62 


CHAPTER   6 

"And  the  more  stupendous  our 
Preparations  the  less  the  bloodshed, 
And  the  shorter  the  struggle  will  be." 

— Douglas. 

The  next  day,  however,  found  them  all  in  school, 
winking  mysteriously  at  each  other  whenever  the 
teacher's  back  was  turned.  Indeed,  the  luckless 
Bug  was  detected  in  making  vigorous  passes  in  the 
air  indicative  of  pugiHstic  aspirations,  and  was 
promptly  sentenced  to  spend  the  rest  of  the  morn- 
ing in  the  cavernous  depths  of  the  wood-box, 
where  he  was  speedily  joined  by  Ticky  Moses  and 
Shinny  Thyng,  caught  red-handed  in  a  game  of  tit- 
tat-two.  The  last  named  youngster  had  spent  so 
much  of  his  time  immured  in  this  dungeon  that  he 
could  see  in  the  dark  like  a  cat. 

At  dinner  that  day,  and  for  several  days  after- 
wards, Fatty  astonished  th6  members  of  his  family 
by  eating  enormous  quantities  of  meat  and  refus- 
ing pastry  and  sweets.  This  was  so  abrupt  a  de- 
parture   from    his   ordinary   habits    that    he    was 

63 


REAL    BOYS 

closely  questioned  as  to  the  state  of  his  health,  and 
narrowly  escaped  the  usual  dose  of  castor  oil,  the 
family  panacea. 

After  dinner  the  somiewliat  unusual  sight  of 
seven  or  eight  small  boys  in  their  shirt-leeves,  with 
coats  thrown  over  their  shoulders  and  handker- 
chiefs bound  around  their  heads,  amazed  the 
worthy  people  of  the  town,  who  were,  however, 
gradually  becoming  used  to  any  eccentricities  in 
garb  or  conduct  in  these  boys. 

As  soon  as  school  closed  Potter  and  Whacker 
were  dispatched  with  the  challenge,  and  the  five 
remaining  boys  repaired  to  Taylor's  barn,  where 
training  was  vigorously  resumed.  When  asked  to 
choose  his  sparring  partner  Fatty,  with  commend- 
able prudence,  chose  Plupy,  to  the  avowed  disgust 
of  Bug,  who  longed  for  a  more  active  part  in  the 
preparations. 

The  contrast  between  the  two  as  they  stood  up 

for  the  initial  bout  was  comical  in  the  extreme. 

Fatty,  round,  plump  and  protuberant;  Plupy,  lank, 

knock-kneed  and  wobbly.     Poor  Plupy,  it  must 

have  been  a  long  week  of  penance  to  him.     Every 

afternoon  from  five-thirty  to  six  o'clock  he  was 

thumped,  banged  about  and  knocked  down,  and 

64 


REAL    BOYS 


sustained  a  variety  of  contusions  and  bruises  fright- 
ful to  behold,  yet  he  manfully  stuck  in  the  ring 
until  Potter,  as  the  recognized  authority  on  the 


T.a.ccoctg.. 

subject  of  training,  decided  that  his  man  had  exer- 
cised enough. 

On  the  afternoon  in  question  Potter  and 
Whacker  returned  and  announced  a  successful 
mission.  Fishy  would  fight,  and  would  be  ready 
Saturday.  He  was  expecting  his  father  to  visit 
him,  but  if  the  old  man  didn't  come  he  would  fight. 

These  good  tidings  so  revived  the  drooping  spir- 
its of  Bug  that  while  Fatty  was  being  scientifically 
treated  by  Tomtit  and  Potter,  and  while  Plupy  was 

5  65 


REAL    BOYS 

endeavoring  unaided  to  pull  himself  into  shape,  he 
donned  the  gloves  and  rudely  smote  his  brother 
Puzzy  in  the  nose. 

Puzzy,  although  a  year  younger  than  Bug  was 
a  trifle  larger,  and  no  mean  antagonist,  and  quickly 
retaliated  by  delivering  what  is  known  in  the  ver- 
nacular of  the  ring  as  a  "  side-winder,"  and  a  lively 
bout  was  the  result,  which  still  further  intensified 
the  interest  in  the  great  event. 

The  next  day  Fatty  was  as  stifif  as  a  soda  cracker, 
to  quote  the  apt  simile  of  Tomtit,  but  the  enforced 
discipline  of  his  trainer,  aided  by  frequent  maxims 
from  an  odd  volume  of  "  Boxiana  "  which  Potter 
possessed,  served  to  bring  him  on  in  fine  style. 

The   next  few   days   were  a   repetition   of  the 

course  of  training,  and  brought  an  equal  share  of 

misery  to  the  plucky  but  out-classed  Plupy  and  the 

harassed  Fatty.    The  course  of  training,  like  that 

of  true  love,  which  brought  about  this  condition  of 

affairs,  did  not  run  smoothly,  and  was  marred  by 

an  accident  that  threatened  to  put  an  end  to  the 

fight  and  the  future  usefulness  of  Fatty  at  the  same 

time.     Among  the  rules  of  training  prescribed  in 

Potter's  book  was  "  Exercises  calculated  to  stretch 

66 


REAL   BOYS 

the  muscles  of  the  arm  and  add  to  the  quickness  of 

delivery." 

At  that  time  the  students  had  a  sort  of  open-air 
gymnasium  in  the  Academy  yard,  near  the  old  dor- 
mitory and  under  the  shade  of  the  trees.  Here 
were  erected  climbing  ladders,  swinging  rings, 
horizontal  and  parallel  bars  and  a  trapeze.  The 
astute  Potter  opined  that  the  swinging  rings  were 
admirably  adapted  to  stretch  the  muscles  of  the 
arm  and  develop  tenacity  of  grasp,  which  might, 
when  judiciously  exercised  upon  an  opponent's 
hair,  work  to  manifest  advantage. 

With  these  good  intentions  Fatty  was  induced 
to  grasp  the  swinging  rings,  while  as  many  of  his 
companions  as  could  lay  hold  of  him  from  behind 
strongly  propelled  him  skyward. 

The  first  few  swings  were  safely  taken,  but  finally 
by  concerted  action  he  was  sent  to  a  great  height, 
when  either  he  became  frightened  or  the  mo- 
mentum of  his  plump  body  was  beyond  the  power 
of  his  hands  to  restrain,  certain  it  is  that  he  lost 
his  hold  on  the  rings,  and  with  a  blood-curdling 
yell  came  to  the  ground,  striking  on  his  head  and 
shoulders  with  a  prodigious  thump,  and  lay  as  one 
dead. 

67. 


REAL    BOYS 


For  a  moment  the  attendant  squires  of  the  fallen 
knight  remained  rooted  to  the  ground  in  terror, 
and  with  open  mouths  and  staring  eyeballs  gazed 
at  the  recumbent  form  of  the  gladiator;  then,  ani- 


mated  by  a  simultaneous  desire  to  quit  the  dread- 
ful place,  turned  as  one  man  to  fly,  when  a  loud 
and  sustained  bellow  and  a  lusty  kicking  by  the 
supposed    corpse    showed    plainly   that   the    vital 

spark  had  not  fled. 

68 


REAL    BOYS 

With  careful  hands  he  was  raised  from  the 
ground,  his  clothes  brushed  and  his  bruises  ten- 
derly rubbed,  each  of  his  friends  loudly  proclaim- 
ing his  individual  innocence  of  blame  in  the  mat- 
ter. On  examination  it  was  found  that  he  had 
fallen  into  a  pile  of  sawdust  used  about  the  build- 
ings, and  had  sustained  no  injury  beyond  a  severe 
fright  and  a  severe  shaking  up. 

Convinced,  however,  that  some  expiation  should 
be  made,  the  party,  with  the  exception  of  Potter, 
united  in  laying  the  entire  blame  upon  Plupy,  who 
was  promptly  set  upon  by  Fatty  and  soundly 
thumped. 

Plupy,  however,  did  not  allow  so  slight  a  matter 
as  this  to  interfere  with  his  allegiance  or  his  in- 
terest in  the  fight,  and  the  next  day  training  was 
resumed,  leaving  the  stretching  of  the  muscles  to 

nature  and  youth. 

69 


CHAPTER    7 

"  The  next  gale  that  sweeps  from  the  North  will  bring 
to  our  ears  the  clash  of  resounding  arms," 

— Old  Reader. 

The  eventful  day  dawned  clear,  warm  and 
bright.  The  seven  sporting  gentlemen  were  early 
at  school,  and  secretly  discussed  the  mill  in  sub- 
dued voices.  Fatty  appeared  in  good  condition, 
and  except  fot  a  sHght  stiffness  in  his  neck  seemed 
none  the  worse  for  his  fall. 

However  great  his  misgivings  about  the  result 
of  the  fight  might  have  been  in  the  early  stages  of 
his  training,  the  ease  with  which  he  had  fought 
Plupy  to  a  standstill  and  the  fulsome  praise  of  his 
friends  had  given  him  unlimited  confidence  in  his 
ability,  and  he  spoke  of  the  humiHation  of  his  de- 
tested rival  as  an  accomplished  fact,  and  gloried  in 
anticipation  of  the  manner  in  which  he  would  rib- 
roast  him,  and  side-wind  him,  and  cross-counter 
him,  and  draw  his  claret,  and  tap  his  ruby,  and  give 
him  bellows  to  mend,  and  other  gruesome  accom- 
plishments which  a  careful  perusal  of  Potter's  book 

.  70 


REAL   BOYS 

seemed  to  indicate  as  a  sine  qua  non  of  a  properly 
conducted  mill. 

How  the  boys  had  managed  to  get  through  the 
week  without  betraying  their  secret  I  cannot  un- 
derstand or  explain,  but  the  certain  knowledge 
that  the  least  slip  would  infallibly  result  in  prompt 
interference  by  their  legal  custodians  kept  them 
as  dumb  as  oysters. 

The  long  forenoon  wore  slowly  away,  and  at  the 
close  of  school  they  held  a  hurried  conference,  in 
which  Fatty  was  solemnly  warned,  under  the  most 
severe  penalties,  to  avoid  yielding  to  the  seductive 
pleasures  of  the  table  or  the  enervating  influence 
of  mince  pie. 

The  providing  of  the  proper  appurtenances  of 
the  ring  was  fairly  divided  between  the  boys. 
Plupy  was  to  provide  a  bottle  of  sweetened  water, 
Whacker  a  sponge.  Potter  some  raw  meat  and 
brown  paper,  humanely  intended  for  application  to 
the  wounds,  bruises,  abrasions  and  other  severe  in- 
juries to  be  sustained  by  Fishy.  To  Puzzy  was  in- 
trusted the  difficult  duty  of  providing  a  suitable 
sentiment  or  motto  for  the  occasion,  as  this  was 
deemed  necessary  by  Potter, 

By  agreement,  the  ring  was  to  be  pitched  behind 
71 


REAL    BOYS 

the  Grove  Street  School  House,  all  concurring  in 
the  idea  that  the  most  isolated  spot  in  the  universe 
is  a  school  yard  on  a  half  holiday. 

A  little  before  the  hour  six  of  the  boys  were  at 
the  ringside,  anxiously  awaiting  the  approach  of 
the  enemy.  Plupy  was  a  little  late,  as  his  mother, 
from  recent  experience,  had  deemed  it  wise  policy 
to  compel  that  youth  to  split  his  kindlings  before 
he  left  the  house.  He  arrived  on  the  ground  bear- 
ing the  bottle  of  sweetened  water,  flushed  with 
running  and  very  shaky  in  his  knees. 

The  different  articles  had  been  in  some  way 
amassed  by  the  boys.  Whacker  brought  a  huge 
sponge  which  had  been  used  in  the  stable  for  wash- 
ing carriages,  and  had  incidentally  done  duty  in 
rubbing  down  the  horse,  which  latter  operation 
had  rendered  it  very  smelly  and  quite  fuzzy  in  ap- 
pearance. Tomtit  brought  a  roller-towel  that  had 
done  a  hard  week's  work. 

The  provision  that  showed  great  research  and 
patient  labor  was  the  motto  contributed  by  Puzzy. 
Literary  in  his  tastes,  as  I  have  already  said,  he 
had  chanced  upon  this  Latin  maxim,  "  ex  nihilo 
nihil  Ht.'^  This  struck  him  as  remarkably  appro- 
priate, indicating,  as  it  plainly  did,  an  encounter 

72 


REAL    BOYS 

between  two  persons  of  somewhat  similar  names. 
So  interested  had  he  been  in  the  matter  that  he 
had  spent  much  time  in  searching  the  Encyclo- 
paedia and  ancient  histories  for  details  of  the  en- 
counter, but  had  been  unable  to  find  anything,  and 
had  not  dared  to  ask  for  fear  of  betraying  his  se- 
cret. Some  discussion  preceded  the  adoption  of 
his  sentiment,  Plupy  suggesting  the  insertion  of 
an  "  and,"  but  he  was  voted  down,  although  he 
argued  strongly,  and  to  the  point,  that  if  "ex  nihilo 
fit  nihil,  nihil  probably  fit  back,  or  if  nihil  fit  ex 
nihilo,  ex  nihilo  fit  back;  that  is,  they  both  fit,  and 
there  wouldn't  have  been  no  fight  if  both  hadn't 
fit." 

At  this  point  Fishy  came  in  from  the  street  ac- 
companied by  his  seconds.  Distrustful  of  the  fair- 
ness of  his  opponent  and  anticipating  a  large  gath- 
ering of  turbulent  townies,  he  had  chosen  for  his 
seconds  six  of  the  largest  and  most  powerful  stu- 
dents in  the  Academy,  who  came  grinning  into  the 
yard,  highly  amused  at  what  promised  to  be  a  very 
entertaining  adventure. 

Fatty  won  the  choice  of  corners,  and  chose  the 
northwest  corner,  which  differed  in  no  whit  from 
any  other  corner,  but  as  he  was  bound  to  choose 

73 


REAL   BOYS 


something  he  chose  with  great  promptness,  aware 
that  promptness  is  a  business  trait,  and  might  im- 


"^fi  Citicti 


press  his  opponent  that  he  was  getting  himself  into 
very  serious  complications  indeed. 

As  an  additional  precaution  Fatty  had  eaten  a 
raw  steak  thickly  besprinkled  with  pepper,  to  make 
himself  savage,  as  befitted  the  occasion,  and  had 

74 


REAL    BOYS 


drunk  a  wine-glass  full  of  strong  vinegar,  to  add 
sharpness  to  his  physical  and  mental  make-up. 
Thus  provisioned,  he  looked  with  confidence  to  the 
utter  demolition  of  his  adversary,  and  glared  at 

11 


him  with  a  baleful  look  that  ill  became  his  hand- 
some and  good-natured  face. 

The  necessary  preliminaries  were  soon  dis- 
patched, and  the  combatants,  after  a  brief  hand- 
shake, stood  forth  to  do  battle  as  did  Dares  and 
Entellus  of  old.  While  they  are  standing  on  guard 
let  me  say  a  word  about  fighting.    It  is  customary, 

75 


REAL    BOYS 

I  am  aware,  at  this  stage  to  give  a  sort  of  moral 
lecture  about  the  sinfulness  of  fighting.  I  propose 
to  do  violence  to  a  tradition  and  do  nothing  of  the 
sort,  for  I  have  always  been  inclined  to  defend  the 
practice. 

Now,  my  dear  madam,  finish  this  chapter  before 
you  throw  the  story  into  the  fire.  If  my  ideas  do 
not  harmonize  with  yours  it  won't  hurt  you  to  hear 
what  my  ideas  are  on  the  subject.  Your  son  is 
just  the  age  of  mine.  You  love  your  boy  and  de- 
sire his  welfare  above  all  things.  I  have  the  same 
feeling  for  my  own  son.  So  far  we  are  agreed. 
Have  you  forbidden  your  son  to  fight  under  severe 
penalties?  And  have  you  sent  him  to  a  public 
school  hampered  by  this  injunction?  If  so,  I  am 
afraid  you  have  placed  him  under  a  serious  dis- 
advantage, and  have  thus  done  him  a  grievous 
wrong.  This  is  the  infallible  result:  either  he  will 
fight  and  deny  it  to  you,  which  is  far  more  blame- 
worthy than  fighting,  or  he  will,  if  a  strictly  obe- 
dient boy,  refuse  to  fight  or  to  resent  imposition, 
and  thus  gain  the  reputation  of  a  "  milksop  "  or 
"  sissy,"  and  his  school  days  will  be  made  miserable 

by  the  injustice  of  this  stigma,  and  by  the  indigni- 

76 


REAL    BOYS 

ties  and  annoyances  to  which  he  will  be  subjected 
by  his  mates. 

If  you  find  your  boy  quarrelsome,  and  inclined 
to  impose  upon  other  and  younger  boys,  punish 
him  as  severely  as  you  wish.  I  am  fully  in  accord 
with  you  there,  for  a  quarrelsome,  tyrannical  bully 
is  a  nuisance  in  any  school ;  but  as  long  as  there  are 
schools,  so  long  will  there  be  quarrelsome,  tyran- 
nical bullies,  and  you  and  I,  my  dear  madam,  wish 
our  boys  to  take  these  bullies  in  hand  and  thrash 
them.    Now,  isn't  that  so  ? 

Do  you  suppose  that  Fatty  was  any  the  worse 
for  his  fight  with  Fishy  ?  And  when,  in  after  years, 
Fatty  became  one  of  the  best  football  players  and 
cane-rushers  that  Dartmouth  College  ever  boasted, 
and  one  of  the  best  business  men  in  New  Hamp- 
shire, is  there  any  doubt  but  that  this  fight  had 
some  influence — a  slight  influence,  perhaps,  but 
still  an  influence — in  producing  this  development? 

And  do  you  suppose  that  he  was  any  the  less  a 
gentleman  and  a  good  citizen  from  having  learned 
to  stand  up  for  his  rights  and  resent  improper  in- 
terference with  his  affairs?  Did  not  these  qualities 
contribute  to  his  success,  and  will  they  not,  when 

77 


REAL   BOYS 

properly  directed,  contribute  to  the  success  of 
your  son  and  mine? 

Let  your  boy  learn  to  box,  to  wrestle,  to  fence, 
and  so  develop  every  muscle.  I  never  yet  saw  a 
boy  who  knew  how  to  box  strike  with  a  club,  stone 
or  dangerous  weapon. 

But  really  I  have  taken  so  much  time  in  this  little 

sermon  that  I  must  postpone  the  result  of  the  fight 

to  the  next  chapter.    Truthfully,  my  dear  madam, 

are  you  not  the  least  bit  disappointed? 

78 


CHAPTER   8 

"  They  fit  n'  fit  n'  fit 
And  Jim  wouldn't  give  up 
And  Hall  wouldn't  give  up." 

— John  Robinson. 

How  the  hearts  of  the  Httle  townies  thrilled,  and 
how  their  eyes  sparkled  as  their  hero  stood  up  clad 
in  full  ring  costume,  knee  breeches,  belt,  sleeveless 
shirt,  knickerbockers  and  laced  shoes,  his  face 
aglow  with  health,  his  under  jaw  so  firmly  set  that 
his  plump  cheeks  stood  out  Hke  two  ripe  Baldwin 
apples,  while  his  head  was  closely  clipped  by  the 
searching  shears  of  the  village  barber.  Indeed,  so 
far  had  the  lust  for  battle  got  possession  of  them 
that  even  the  overtrained  Plupy  would  have  wil- 
lingly entered  the  ring. 

Firm  and  unyielding  Fatty  looked  as  he  stood 
with  his  guard  a  perfect  copy  of  a  picture  of  John 
C.  Heenan  hanging  in  the  aforementioned  barber's 
shop.  A  close  observer  would  have  noticed  a 
heaviness  in  his  motions  and  a  stiffness  in  his  atti- 
tude which  contrasted  unfavorably  with  the  lithe 

79 


REAL    BOYS 

and  graceful  movements  of  his  lighter  and  older 
opponent. 

Rejoice  in  him  while  you  may,  boys,  for  in  a  few 
short  rounds  his  renown  as  a  pugilist  will  have  de- 
parted, and  the  banner  of  the  townies,  with  the 
classic  motto  thereon,  will  have  been  trailed  in  the 
dust.  Through  no  fault  of  Taylor's  however,  for 
too  late  it  was  ascertained  that  Fishy  was  nearly 
nineteen  years  of  age,  while  Fatty  was  but  four- 
teen. In  sporting  parlance,  the  students  were 
"  playing  a  ringer." 

And  now  I  am  again  violating  all  precedent  in 
allowing  the  hero  of  this  chapter  to  be  beaten  in 
a  contest  of  the  kind.  Did  not  Tom  Baily  whip 
Conway,  although,  as  he  says,  "  I  could  stand  very 
little  and  not  see  at  all "  when  the  contest  was 
over?  And  did  not  Jack  Hazard  whip  Lon  Gan- 
nett in  the  entry  of  the  school-house?  And  if  Tom 
Brown  didn't  whip  "  Slogger  "  Williams,  he  had 
him  pretty  nearly  finished  when  Dr.  Arnold  inter- 
fered and  stopped  the  fight.  And  in  many  other 
stories  for  boys  that  I  have  read  the  hero,  a  mild, 
soft-voiced  boy,  polite  to  his  teachers  and  elders, 
modest  in  demeanor,  prompt  at  church  and  Sun- 
day-school, when  provoked  to  battle,  lays  aside  hivS 

3q 


REAL    BOYS 

coat,  rolls  np  his  sleeves,  displaying  an  arm  knotted 
with  curving  muscles  (although  but  fourteen  years 
of  age),  remarks  that  he  is  very  sorry  to  be  obliged 
to  fight  and  promptly  sails  in  and  whips  the  bully 
of  the  town,  a  massive  youth  seasoned  by  years 
of  battle,  and  leaving  him  cowed  and  beaten,  turns 
down  his  cuffs,  replaces  his  coat  and  walks  away, 
to  be  stopped  by  a  rich  merchant  and  rewarded 
with  a  position  in  his  counting-room. 

I  am  really  very  sorry  to  be  obliged  to  chronicle 
a  different  result  and  sorry  to  violate  tradition. 
But  the  unfortunate  part  of  the  matter  was  that 
Fatty,  although  a  good,  hearty,  healthy  boy,  was 
not  soft-voiced,  modest  or  particularly  polite;  that 
although  he  was  reasonably  constant  at  church  and 
Sunday-school,  he,  like  his  friends,  often  went  as 
one  driven.  In  short,  he  had  but  little  in  common 
with  the  priggish  individual  just  described. 

And  so  virtue,  if  virtue  was  supposed  to  lie  on 
Fatty's  side,  was  not  triumphant.  Although  I  can- 
not see,  in  looking  upon  the  matter  in  the  calm, 
dispassionate  way  that  the  lapse  of  years  enables 
me  to  see  it,  that  there  had  been  anything  culpable 
in  Fishy's  conduct,  albeit  the  boys  were  each  and 

every  one  of  the  opinion  that  he  had  in  some  way 
6  8i 


REAL    BOYS 

worked  great  injury  to  Fatty  by  his  successful  at- 
tentions to  Jennie,  and  that  his  conduct  merited 
the  severe  thrashing  that  they  were  confident 
would  be  administered. 

But  now  let  us  return  to  the  gladiators,  whom 
we  have  kept  standing  on  guard  for  a  long  time. 
They  have  become  impatient,  and  so,  perhaps, 
have  you. 

After  a  few  moments  of  cautious  manoeuvring 
Fatty,  urged  on  by  the  frantic  yells  of  his  adherents 
and  their  shrill  admonitions  to  "  paste  him  one," 
made  a  leviathan  rush  at  Fishy,  who  deftly  avoided 
him,  and  landed  a  solid,  left-handed  punch  on 
Fatty's  nose,  which  caused  him  to  give  utterance 
to  a  loud  "  ouch !  "  and  seize  that  organ  with  both 
hands,  while  he  looked  cross-eyes  at  his  opponent, 
who  good-naturedly  refrained  from  taking  advan- 
tage of  this  opening  to  land  several  good  ones. 

Stung  by  the  loud  laughter  of  the  students  and 
the  shrill  "  Aw,  now.  Fatty,  what  yer  doin'  ?  "  of 
his  friends,  he  rushed  again,  but  failed  to  land,  and 
received  two  body  blows  that  evoked  a  hoarse 
crow  from  the  recipient. 

Potter  at  once  claimed  a  foul,  arguing  that  a 

blow  in  the  stomach  was  below  the  belt.     This 

82 


REAL    BOYS 

claim  was  disallowed,  but  it  was  agreed  that  no 
blows  below  the  chest  should  be  allowed.  When 
the  dogs  of  war  were  loosed  again  Fatty  at  once 
made  another  rush,  and  this  time  landed  on  Fishy's 
brow,  but  was  promptly  countered  on  the  sore 
nose,  whereupon  he  lost  his  temper  and  launched 
a  terrific  kick  at  Fishy,  who  caught  the  uplifted 
leg,  gave  a  heave  and  brought  Fatty  to  the  ground 
with  a  thump,  gaining  first  fall  and  closing  the 
round. 

The  rest  between  the  first  and  second  rounds 
was  spent  in  fanning  and  rubbing  down  the  gladi- 
ators, and  in  trying  to  convince  Fatty  of  the  ex- 
treme irregularity  of  his  conduct  in  introducing 
la  savate  into  the  rules  of  the  P.  R. 

In  the  second  round  Fatty,  acting  under  the  in- 
structions of  his  handlers,  disregarded  the  vocifer- 
ous encouragement  of  Bug  and  Tomtit  to  "  Lam 
him,  Fatty,"  "  Paste  him.  Fatty,"  and  essayed  to 
keep  Fishy  at  a  distance.  These  tactics  were  a 
dismal  failure,  for  Fishy  easily  dodged  back  and 
forward,  and  with  much  skill  and  great  preci- 
sion delivered  several  sounding  thuds  on  Fatty's 
roseate  countenance,  and  finally  in  a  clinch  back- 
heeled  and  threw  him  heavily. 


REAL    BOYS 

Second  round  for  Fishy;  Fatty's  action  marked 
by  great  gallantry. 

This  time  the  united  persuasions,  expostulations 
and  entreaties  of  the  entire  squad  were  hardly  suf- 
ficient to  induce  the  reluctant  champion  to  come 
to  the  scratch,  but  finally  the  magic  words,  "  'Fraid 
cat!  'Fraid  cat!"  thrown  in  his  teeth  by  Bug, 
prevailed,  and  he  again  strode  forth  to  do  or  die. 

And  now  for  the  first  time  he  scored  a  temporary 
advantage,  for  as  they  advanced  to  the  centre  of 
the  ring  Bug  suddenly  darted  forward  and  dealt 
Fishy  a  stinging  blow  on  the  ear.  As  Fishy  turned 
on  this  fresh  antagonist  Fatty  threw  himself  for- 
ward and  fairly  overwhelmed  him  by  his  weight, 
all  three  coming  to  the  ground  together. 

They  were  immediately  separated  by  the  stu- 
dents, and  Bug  was  removed  to  a  safe  distance 
from  the  ring  and  securely  pinioned,  from  which 
position  he  shouted  shrill  defiance  at  the  students. 

This  temporary  advantage  greatly  encouraged 
the  partisans  of  Fatty,  but  proved  his  speedy  un- 
doing, for  while  up  to  this  time  Fishy,  conscious  of 
his  strength,  science,  and  superiority  in  age,  had 
fought  with  the  utmost  good  nature,  and  had  care- 
fully avoided  the  exertion  of  his  full  strength,  he 

84 


REAL    BOYS 

was  now  thoroughly  enraged,  as  much  from  the 
gross  violation  of  ring  precedents  as  from  the 
stinging  nature  of  the  blow  he  had  received  from 
Bug. 

From  the  apparent  ease  with  which  Fatty  had 
rolled  Fishy  in  the  dust,  his  seconds  sagely  judged 
that  Fishy  could  not  stand  a  scrimmage  at  close 
quarters,  and  advised  their  man  to  go  in  and  finish 
him  at  short  range.  The  first  part  of  this  com- 
mand he  promptly  started  in  to  execute,  but  made 
bad  work  of  the  second,  for  his  rush  was  met  with 
staggering  lefts  and  rights,  and  before  he  could 
collect  his  wits  such  a  rain  of  blows  was  showered 
upon  him  that  he  dropped  in  the  ring  and  utterly 
refused  to  rise,  claiming  loudly,  and  with  good 
reason,  that  he  had  had  enough. 

Whereupon  Potter  and  Whacker,  who  had  dur- 
ing the  entire  contest  punctiliously  observed  all  the 
formalities  of  the  ring,  solemnly  threw  up  the 
sponge,  and  Fishy  was  hailed  the  victor,  and  after 
putting  on  his  coat  left  the  field  accompanied  by 
his  friends,  and  deaf  to  the  repeated  challenges  of 
Bug,  who  offered  to  "  lick  any  man  of  them  for  a 
cent,"  which  under  the  circumstances  seemed  a  lib- 
eral discount  on  the  usual  terms. 

85 


REAL   BOYS 

Poor  Fatty  was  led  to  the  pump,  and  his  bruises, 
consisting  of  a  black  eye,  a  swollen  lip,  and  a 
sprained  thumb,  were  scientifically  treated  by  Pot- 


ter, while  the  rest  of  the  party  struck  the  shackles 
from  the  downtrodden  and  imprisoned  Bug,  and 
discussed  the  fight  with  great  earnestness. 

While  it  was  admitted  that  the  fight  was  fair, 
and  that  Fatty  had  exhibited  both  pluck  and  en- 
durance, still  there  was  a  harrowing  suspicion  in 

66 


REAL    BOYS 

their  minds  that  in  some  occult  way  the  entire 
party  had  been  tricked  and  taken  in. 

Bug,  whose  imprisonment  had  for  the  time 
soured  his  genial  disposition,  was  inclined  to  lay 
the  blame  upon  the  course  of  training,  and  in- 
dulged in  remarks  aspersive  of  his  brother 
Whacker,  which  that  gentleman  resented,  and  a 
second  fight  began  between  combatants  much 
more  evenly  matched,  and  lasted  several  rounds 
in  the  most  hearty  fashion,  but  led  to  no  definite 
result  except  in  the  restoration  of  perfect  good 
feeling.  The  Chadwicks  were  all  so  evenly 
matched,  and  had  fought  so  much,  that  their  fights 
seldom  resulted  in  any  decided  advantage  to  either. 

But  alas!  there  was  no  longer  any  pleasure  in 
life  for  Fatty,  in  whom  even  the  excitement  of  the 
second  fight  failed  to  awaken  an  interest,  and  he 
was  escorted  home  through  devious  ways,  and  left 
in  the  back  yard  to  explain  his  condition  as  best, 
he  might. 

The  next  Monday  morning  he  was,  with  the  ex- 
ception of  a  discolored  eye,  none  the  worse  physi- 
cally for  his  misfortune,  but  for  several  days  he 
avoided  his  friends  and  seemed  a  prey  to  melan- 
choly.   Later  he  was  seized  with  an  enthusiasm  for 

87 


REAL   BOYS 

hard  study,  evidently  ambitious  to  dazzle  a  certain 
young  lady  by  his  scholastic  triumphs,  a  course  of 
procedure  which  much  puzzled  his  friends,  none 
of  whom  were  accustomed  to  devote  much  time  to 
their  studies. 

Gradually,  however,  he  was  taken  into  favor  by 
the  fair  enslaver,  to  the  deep  but  unspoken  dis- 
tress of  Plupy,  whose  small  bosom  was  nigh  to 
bursting  with  his  feelings  for  her. 

Under  the  sunshine  of  prosperity  Fatty  rapidly 
regained  his  spirits,  but  the  desperate  condition  of 
mind  to  which  he  had  been  reduced  by  her  studied 
coldness,  as  well  as  his  hitherto  unsuspected  liter- 
ary resources,  was  evidenced  by  the  appearance  of 
a  carefully  folded  paper  which  dropped  from  her 
desk  one  day,  and  which  contained  a  wisp  of  tow- 
colored  hair,  and  the  following  tender  but  darkly 
prophetic  verse: — 

"  Hair.    Ned  Gilman  to  Jennie  Morrison." 

"  This  lock  of  hair 
I  once  did  wair, 
I  now  preside  it  to  your  care. 
Perhaps  when  I  am  dead  and  gone 
You  may  have  this  to  look  upon." 
88 


CHAPTER    9 

"  Stout  Lartius  hurled  down  Aunus  into  the  stream  be- 
neath ; 
Herminius  struck  at  Seius  and  clove  him  to  the  teeth; 
At  Picus  brave  Horatius  darted  one  fiery  thrust, 
And  the  proud  Umbrian's  gilded  arms  clashed  in  the 
bloody  dust." — Macaulay. 

The  following  Saturday  afternoon  Brigadier 
Fatty  Oilman  sat  in  his  headquarters  dictating  dis- 
patches to  the  members  of  his  staff,  Aids-de-Camp 
Billy  Swett,  Dutchy  Seamans  and  "  Parson  "  Otis, 
who  galloped  furiously  on  foaming  chargers,  car- 
rying orders  that  the  battalions  form  for  an  imme- 
diate asault  on  Lookout  Mountain  (Jady  Hill),  and 
that  the  commander  "  expected  every  man  to  do 
his  duty." 

Instantly  the  drummers  sounded  the  long  roll, 
the  war-worn  and  battered  veterans  sprang  to  their 
places,  the  artillery  limbered  up.  A  brief  inspec- 
tion, and  the  command,  "  Battalion,  attention ! 
Right,  forward — fours — r-i-g-h-t,mar-r-c-ch  !"  And 

the  battalion,  with  drums  beating  and  flags  flying, 

89 


REAL    BOYS 

marched  down  the  turnpike,  and  after  a  brief  skir- 
mish crossed  the  bridge  to  Roanoke  Island,  which 
they  reduced,  and  having  stationed  a  guard  there, 
pushed  their  way  across  Harper's  Ferry  (String 
Bridge),  through  Frederickton  to  the  edge  of  the 
plain  surrounding  Lookout  Mountain. 

Here  a  halt  was  made,  a  line  of  pickets  thrown 
out,  and  a  hasty  meal  of  coffee  and  hardtack  eaten. 
Cartridge  boxes  were  filled,  belts  tightened,  and  all 
put  in  readiness  for  the  assault. 

General  Oilman  himself  addressed  them.  He 
told  them,  with  voice  trembling  with  emotion,  that 
he  could  not  close  his  eyes  to  the  sad  and  solemn 
fact  that  war  did  exist,  that  the  government  must 
be  maintained  and  its  enemies  overthrown;  that 
the  more  stupendous  their  preparation  the  less  the 
bloodshed,  and  the  shorter  the  struggle.  That  it 
was  a  sad  task  to  discuss  questions  as  fearful  as 
civil  war;  but  that,  sad  as  it  was,  bloody  and  dis- 
astrous as  he  expected  the  war  would  be,  it  was 
his  conviction  that  it  was  the  duty  of  every  Amer- 
ican citizen  to  rally  round  the  flag  of  his  country. 
That  should  he  perish  in  the  glorious  struggle — ■ 
as  perish  he  might — this  his  last  feeble  and  linger- 
ing glance  might  behold  the  gorgeous  ensign  of 

90 


REAL    BOYS 

the  republic,  now  known  and  honored  through,  ah, 
— through,  ah, — through, — ah, — and  that  if  Plupy 
Shute  didn't  stop  laughing  he  would  punch  time 
out  of  him  in  two  minutes. 

At  the  conclusion  of  his  speech  the  soldiers 
cheered  vigorously,  and  loudly  resolved  to  give  no 
quarter  and  to  accept  none. 

At  this  moment  the  sound  of  rapid  firing  was 
heard,  and  the  pickets  were  slowly  driven  in.  "  Ad- 
vance, batteries,  to  line  of  wall,  and  unlimber  and 
give  'em  canister ! ' '  roared  General  Oilman.  It 
was  a  sight  of  a  lifetime  to  see  batteries  dash  for- 
ward, unlimber,  and  amid  a  storm  of  bullets  pour 
volley  after  volley  of  grape  into  the  ranks  of  the 
enemy,  who  charged  again  and  again,  only  to  fall 
back  riddled  with  grape,  torn  with  canister,  shat- 
tered with  chain  shot. 

As  they  retreated,  General  Gilman  issued  the 

famous    order,    "  Forward    the    Light    Brigade, 

charge  for  the  guns  he  said,"  and  the  noble  band 

of  six  hundred,  each  man  with  his  reins  in  his  teeth, 

his  revolver  in  his  right  hand,  his  sabre  in  his  left, 

spurred  reckless  to  the  charge,  led  by  the  heroic 

Fatty,  notwithstanding  the  historic  inconsistency 

of  the  appearance  of  this  famous  military  company. 

91 


REAL    BOYS 

On  they  went,  cutting  their  way  through  the 
massed  forces  of  their  foe,  cutting,  shooting,  yell- 
ing, and  being  shot. 

"  Flashed  all  their  sabres  bare, 
Flashed  as  they  turned  in  air. 
Then  they  rode  back, 
But  not,  not  the  Six  Hundred." 

To  another  order  by  the  gallant  General,  "  En 
evant  Ics  gants  glaces,"  which  he  pronounced  Enn 
eevant  less  gants  glacies, — the  pick  of  the  French 
army,  another  slight  incongruity,  was  dispatched 
to  carry  the  redoubt,  and  recoiled  after  prodigies 
of  valor.  As  Grouchy  was  confidently  expected 
with  reinforcements  of  sixty  thousand,  the  Im- 
perial Guard  was  formed  into  an  attacking  column, 
and  under  the  leadership  of  the  great  Napoleon 
himself,  who  had  just  departed  this  life  as  Captain 
of  the  Light  Brigade,  swept  in  a  compact,  irre- 
sistible mass  upon  the  enemy.  Men  dropped  from 
the  ranks  singly,  in  dozens,  in  scores,  by  the  hun- 
dreds, only  to  pick  themselves  up  after  the  line 
passed  them,  run  to  the  extreme  right  or  left, 
march,  fight,  and  fall  again.  Napoleon  fell,  mor- 
tally wounded,   and   was   carried   from   the  field. 

Human  nature  could  do  no  more,  they  bolted, 

92 


REAL    BOYS 


wavered,  "  The  whole  world  knows  the  result. 
Grouchy  failed  to  appear;  the  Imperial  Guard  was 
driven  back ;  Waterloo  was  lost !  "  But,  no !  Spur- 
ring down  the  long  dusty  road  from  Winchester, 
his  black  horse  gray  with  foam  and  dust,  his  eyes 


aflame  with  the  light  of  battle  (the  horse's,  not  its 
rider's),  waving  his  sword  (the  rider's,  not  the 
horse's),  and  firing  his  eighteen-barrelled  navy 
plug  Colt's  revolver  (also  the  rider's),  into  the 
ranks  of  the  enemy,  came  General  Fatty  Sheridan, 
crying,  "  Rally,  my  brave  men !  One  more  charge, 

93 


REAL   BOYS 

and  little  Round  Top  is  ours  I    One  more  advance, 

and  we  plant  the  glorious  stars  and  stripes  within 

their  battlements ! " 

An  exultant  cheer  broke  from  the  ranks  of  the 

confused  rabble  of  fugitives, 

"  And  the  wave  of  retreat  checked  its  course  there, 
For  the  sight  of  the  master  compelled  them  to  pause." 

Springing  from  his  exhausted  charger,  by  the 
simple  expedient  of  letting  fall  the  richly  capar- 
isoned corn-stalk  which  he  bestrode,  General  Fatty 
Sheridan  reformed  the  lines,  threw  up  breast- 
works, unlimbered  batteries,  threw  out  a  line  of 
skirmishers  and  al^Q  his  chest,  and  himself  led  the 
assault. 

It  was  sublime.  At  the  very  first  volley  General 
Sheridan  was  for  the  third  time  mortally  wounded 
and  carried  from  the  field,  shortly  to  reappear  as 
Stonewall  Jackson.  At  this  the  harmony  of  the 
occasion  was  broken. 

"Aw,  now!  Fatty,  what  yer  talkin'  about?" 
shrieked  Puzzy.    '*  Stonewall  Jackson  was  a  rebel." 

"  No,  he  wan't  neither,"  roared  Fatty.  "  Leave 
it  to  Dutchy." 

*'  Aw,  Puz,  'f  I  didn't  know  more'n  that  I  "  yelled 
Beany.    "  That  was  Andy  Johnson." 

94 


REAL    BOYS 

"  Huh,  Beany,  you  don't  know  nothin'  about  it, 
Andy  Johnson,  aw ! "  sneered  Bug,  for  once  sus- 
taining Puzzy. 

"  I  leave  it  to  Potter,  anyway,"  said  Puzzy. 

"  Puzzy's  right,"  decided  Potter,  promptly. 
**  Stonewall  Jackson  was  a  rebel.  Of  course  Fatty 
can't  be  a  rebel." 

"  Well,  I  can  be  General  Debility,"  said  Fatty. 
"  He  was  a  Union  General." 

No  one  being  prepared  to  gainsay  this  state- 
tnent,  no  objection  was  made. 

"  Anyway,  I  ain't  goin'  to  play  any  more  if  Fatty 
gets  killed  again.  I  ain't  goin'  to  keep  luggin' 
him  off  to  die.  I  'bout  broke  my  back  now,"  com- 
plained Plupy. 

"  And  so  have  I,"  "  and  I,"  "  and  me,  too," 
chimed  in  Pile  and  Pop  and  Diddly. 

"  All  right.  I  won't  get  killed  again,"  asserted 
Fatty,  who  feared  defection  in  his  ranks.  Then 
raising  his  voice,  he  roared :  "  The  foe,  they  come." 

"  Yet  my  last  thought  is  England's  fly,"  bawled 
Whacker,  unmindful  of  punctuation,  rallying  the 
troops  in  the  right  wing. 

"  Edmands  is  down,  my  life  is  reft,"  groaned 
Bug,  falling  headlong  from  his  horse  with  a  can- 

95 


REAL    BOYS 

non  ball  in  his  brain,  and  immediately  becoming, 
by  a  process  of  metamorphosis  peculiar  to  the  oc- 
casion, Black  Darnley. 

"  I  am  Bill  Biddon,  the  Trapper,"  stoutly  vocif- 
erated Pewt,  kneeling  and  sighting  the  enemy 
across  the  barrel  of  his  trusty  rifle,  and  bringing 
them  down  by  dozens. 

"  Remember  the  Alamo !  "  roared  Cawcaw. 

"  Abolsom,  Abolsom,  my  son !  "  wailed  Beany, 
innocent  of  impiety  and  pronunciation. 

Thus  encouraging  each  other  with  warlike  cries 
and  boastful  demonstrations,  they  again  charged 
up  the  hill.  They  gained  the  wall,  leaped  over  the 
ramparts,  and  drove  the  enemy  helter  skelter  from 
their  guns,  across  the  open  field  to  the  Hver  bank, 
where,  in  their  mad  lust  of  victory,  they  shot  hun- 
dreds of  fugitives,  struggling  through  the  deep 
and  rapid  current  to  the  farther  shore.  Sad  it  is, 
as  General  Fatty  Napoleon  Sheridan  Balaclava 
Oilman  said,  to  discuss  a  question  so  fearful  as 
civil  war. 

At  dusk  that  evening,  when  the  mere  remnant 

of  the  noble  band  that  hours  before  had  marched 

proudly   to   the   fatal   field,    had   quenched    their 

thirst  in  bumpers  of  sweetened  water  provided  by 

96 


REAL    BOYS 

their  noble  General,  that  ilhistrioits  warrior  him- 
self appeared  in  the  doorway  of  the  spacious 
kitchen  of  his  mother's  house  and  deHvered  him- 
self of  these  pregnant  words,  "  Hi,  fellers,  all  those 
who  haven't  drank  come  and  drank." 

97 


CHAPTER  lo 

"  There  was  a  frog  that  lived  in  a  spring 
Rig  dum  puUy  mickatimo." 

The  spring  term  was  a  thing  of  the  past.  The 
last  day  of  school,  Exhibition  Day,  had  waxed, 
waned,  and  passed  into  history.  The  smilingly 
complacent  friends  and  relatives  had  been  told 
that 

"  The  consul's  brow  was  sad,  the  consul's  speech  was  low, 
And  darkly  looked  he  on  the  flood,  and  darkly  on  the 
foe." 


had  been  entreated  in  the  most  touching  manner 
not  to 

"  Lift  him  from  the  bracken,  leave  him  lying  where  he  fell. 
Better  bier  ye  cannot  fashion,  naught  becomes  him  half 
so  well." 


had  been  impressively  informed  that  "  The  beams 
of  the  rising  sun  were  gilding  the  lofty  domes  of 
Carthage  " ;  had  been  confidently  given  to  under- 
stand that,  "  Not  many  years  ago  where  we  now 

98 


REAL'   BOYS 

sit,  surrounded  by  all  that  refines  and  embellishes 
civilized  life,  the  rank  thistle  nodded  in  the  wind 
and  the  wild  fox  dug  his  hole  unscared ; "  with 
other  gratuitous  information  to  the  effect  that 

"  Edmunds  is  down,  my  life  is  reft," 

and  earnest  advice  that  "  Clan  Connell  "  should  be 
summoned.  From  which  information  they  appar- 
ently derived  unbounded  gratification  and  no  little 
astonishment. 

Tomtit,  who  had  loudly  called  for  "  Mike  "  Con- 
nell instead  of  Clan  Connell,  to  the  modest 
Michael's  great  confusion,  had  been  summarily 
banished  to  the  woodshed;  and  "  Squawboo " 
Bowley,  who  had  openly  and  from  the  platform 
proclaimed  a  trembling  but  undying  intention  to 

"Tear  down  that  'tittering'  ensign  down," 

had  been  sent  home  in  disgrace. 

Prizes  had  been  distributed,  none  of  which  fell 
to  our  friends,  except  to  Potter,  who  absorbed 
learning  without  apparent  effort,  and  easily  stood 
first  in  his  class.  Indeed,  so  far  were  the  rest  of 
these  young  gentlemen  from  gaining  any  rewards 
of  merit,  that  only  by  the  most  desperate  efforts 

99 


REAL    BOYS 

had  they  been  able  to  obtain  the  minimum  per- 
centage that  entitled  them  to  promotion. 

Plupy  barely  escaped  being  plucked,  as  his 
papers  showed  him  to  be  weak  in  arithmetic,  ship- 
wrecky  in  grammar,  erratic  in  spelling,  and  indict- 
able in  geography.  Indeed,  the  amusement  the 
examiners  got  out  of  his  papers  must  have  been  in 
a  measure  responsible  for  his  success,  for  in  answer 
to  the  question,  "What  is  grammar?"  he  aston- 
ished them  by  insisting  that  "  Grammar  is  the  sci- 
ence of  numbers  and  the  art  of  computing  by 
them ;  "  and  furthermore,  when  asked  to  compare 
"  fore,"  he  produced  after  much  thought  the  tri- 
umph of  ingenuity,  "Positive,  fore;  comparative, 
five;  superlative,  six." 

However,  in  some  mysterious  way  they  had  suc- 
ceeded, every  man  of  them,  in  passing  the  exam- 
inations that  entitled  them  to  admission  to  the 
High  School,  and  had  entered  into  the  full  enjoy- 
ment of  the  long  vacation,  with  deep  feelings  of 
thankfulness  for  their  well  nigh  providential  luck. 

There  is  a  delicious  feeling  of  freedom  in  the 
first  day  of  the  long  vacation;  an  absolute  freedom 
from  care  that  comes  but  a  few  times  during  life. 
The  amount  of  planning  a  boy  does  during  those 

lOO 


REAL    BOYS 

first  few  days  would,  if  carried  out  to  the  letter, 
furnish  constant  effort  and  continuous  travel  from 
boyhood  to  extreme  old  age. 

Among  other  plans,  our  friends  had  long  con- 
templated a  day's  trip  up  the  river,  and  immedi- 
ately upon  the  closing  of  the  schools  arrangements 
were  made  for  a  combined  fishing  and  bullfrogging 
excursion,  to  be  prolific  in  huge  strings  of  fish  and 
vast  quantities  of  frogs'  legs. 

At  that  time  there  were  but  two  boats  on  the 
river;  the  "  Dido,"  a  small  white  punt,  and  an 
enormous  centre-board,  known  from  its  color  as 
the  "  Blue  Boat."  A  more  capacious,  stouter,  or 
safer  boat  for  boys  could  hardly  be  imagined,  and 
early  one  morning  the  boys  loaded  it  with  a  mis- 
cellaneous collection  of  supplies — a  kettle,  a  spider, 
several  dozen  ears  of  green  corn,  a  bag  of  potatoes, 
a  piece  of  salt  pork,  a  paper  bag  of  meal,  ditto  of 
salt,  ditto  of  sugar,  a  jug  of  coffee,  several  bottles 
of  sweetened  water,  knives,  forks,  fishing  tackle, 
butterfly  nets,  specimen  cases,  bottles  of  ether, 
etc.,  the  latter  articles  belonging  to  the  scientist  of 
the  expedition,  Sir  Potter  Gorham. 

The  boat  had  been  secured  by  cash  payment  to 
its  owner,  the  proceeds  of  a  joint  contribution,  and 


REAL   BOYS 

a  further  consideration  in  the  shape  of  a  joint  note 
or  listed  indebtedness  of  seventy-five  cents,  matur- 
ing during  the  summer. 

The  supplies  were  distributed  with  no  casualty 
beyond  the  accidental  stepping  upon  the  paper  of 
meal  by  Fatty,  which  necessitated  the  careful 
scraping  up  of  the  same  with  the  bailing  dipper. 
Then  the  bold  buccaneers  embarked,  and  amid  a 
chorus  of  shrill  directions  the  boat  pursued  a  some- 
what unsteady  and  erratic  course  up  the  winding 
stream. 

The  sun  shone  brightly,  the  big  blue  dragon- 
flies  darted  here  and  there,  stopping  suddenly  in 
mid-air  to  point  and  balance  on  gauzy  wings;  hun- 
dreds of  black,  shiny  lucky  bugs  swam  around  in 
dizzy  circles;  above,  the  kingfisher  flew  by,  sound- 
ing his  metallic  watchman's  rattle,  and  the  hearts 
of  the  youngsters  thrilled  with  expectation  and  de- 
light. 

As  they  passed  "  Cove  Brook,"  two  cows,  stand- 
ing half  submerged  in  the  water,  stared  with  mild 
amazement  at  the  boat  and  its  noisy  occupants, 
and  at  its  approach  lumbered  up  the  bank  with 
much  floundering  and  splashing,  their  retreat  ac- 

I02 


REAL    BOYS 

celerated  by  a  shower  of  well-aimed  potatoes  from 
the  boat. 

The  objective  point  in  all  such  expeditions  was 
the  "  Eddy,"  a  point  in  the  river  where  the  current 
had  cut  a  sudden  widening  at  an  abrupt  twist  of 
the  stream  into  a  broad  deep  basin,  abounding  in 
perch,  pout  and  huge  eels.  On  the  north  side  of 
the  basin  a  steep,  high  bank  projected  over  the 
edge  of  the  pool,  forming  the  edge  of  a  table-land 
of  several  hundred  yards  in  width,  covered  with 
a  growth  of  magnificent  pines,  each  tree  of  great 
height,  and  as  straight  as  a  ship's  mast. 

On  the  south  side  lay  a  long,  low  peninsula, 
covered  with  lush  grasses,  but  treeless,  save  for  a 
single  graceful  elm  in  the  centre.  The  table-land 
was  a  favorite  resort  for  picnic  parties,  and  the 
residents  of  the  town,  appreciating  the  generosity 
of  the  owners  in  throwing  it  open  to  the  public, 
took  great  pride  in  keeping  it  neat  and  trim.  At 
the  foot  of  the  bank  a  beautiful  spring  of  clear, 
cold  water  had  been  deepened  into  a  well  by  sink- 
ing a  barrel  in  the  ground,  and  furnished  a  never 
failing  supply. 

As  the  Eddy  was  nearly  two  miles  from  the  boat 

landing,  it  took  quite  an  hour  for  the  heavy  boat, 

103 


REAL    BOYS 

propelled  by  the  persistent  but  ill-directed  exer- 
tions of  Tomtit,  Fatty,  Puzzy  and  Stiffy,  to  reach 
that  haven.  Finally  the  boat  turned  the  last  cor- 
ner and  entered  the  basin,  and  the  oarsmen,  con- 
siderably exhausted,  but  too  proud  to  acknowl- 
edge it,  dropped  their  oars,  and  prepared  to  wage 
relentless  warfare  against  the  inhabitants  of  the 
pool. 

And  now  an  amusing  misadventure  befell  the 
volatile  Bug.  The  anchor  of  the  boat  was  a  heavy 
stone  with  an  iron  ring,  secured  to  the  boat  by 
a  long  rope.  As  Bug  lifted  the  heavy  stone, 
clutching  the  ring  with  both  hands,  and  prepared 
to  heave  it  overboard.  Fatty  attempted  to  pass 
from  one  seat  to  another,  stumbled,  and  fell 
heavily,  which  caused  the  boat  to  careen  just 
to  cause  Bug  to  lose  his  balance. 

For  a  moment  he  tottered,  twisted  and  writhed 
in  complicated  gymnastics,  but  finally  went  over- 
board with  a  yell,  still  retaining  a  spasmodic  grip 
on  the  anchor,  and  disappeared  Hke  a  flash,  the 
taut  line  rasping  groaningly  over  the  gunwale.  In 
a  few  seconds  a  host  of  ascending  bubbles  an- 
nounced that  the  anchor  with  its  precious  human 

freight  had  reached  bottom,  and  in  another  mo- 

104 


REAL    BOYS 

ment  Bug  reappeared,  gasping,  spitting,  choking, 
and  clawing  wildly  for  the  boat.  At  once  willing 
hands  seized  him  and  dragged  him  into  the  boat, 
where  he  was  stripped,  and  his  clothing  wrung  into 
knots,  and  then  spread  out  to  dry  as  well  as  they 
could  do  it,  for  they  were  weak  with  laughter  over 
the  accident. 

Bug,  who  pronounced  himself  none  the  worse 
for  the  ducking,  skirmished  around  for  the  next 
two  hours  in  a  state  of  nature,  which  in  the  warm 
sun  he  pronounced  "  bully." 

The  boys  then  gave  their  undivided  attention  to 
fishing,  with  the  result  that  a  good  string  of  perch 
and  roach  were  obtained,  when  the  growing  appe- 
tites of  the  fishermen  could  no  longer  allow  any 
delay  in  the  preparations  for  dinner.  The  anchor 
was  quickly  raised,  and  the  boat  grounded  on  the 
bank. 

While  some  collected  dry  wood,  others  carried 
the  supplies  and  material  to  the  shore,  cut  forked 
sticks  for  a  crane,  hung  the  kettle,  and  in  a  short 
time  a  brisk  fire  had  been  started,  and  the  corn  was 
merrily  bobbing  up  and  down  in  the  boiling,  bub- 
bling water. 

Meanwhile  Potter  had  neatly  cleaned  the  fish, 
105 


REAL   BOYS 

and  carefully  rolling-  them  in  meal,  had  them 
browning  and  sputtering  in  the  spider.  As  soon  as 
the  corn  was  pronounced  done,  and  the  fish 
browned,  the  coals  were  raked  and  the  potatoes 
put  to  roast  in  the  ashes,  with  a  dozen  or  more 
eggs.  Then  each  boy  took  a  fish  in  one  hand,  and 
an  ear  of  corn  in  the  other,  and  addressed  him- 
self to  the  all-important  task  of  the  day. 

And  what  a  feast  it  was!  Did  any  of  them  in 
after  life  taste  a  meal  equal  to  the  delicious,  dirty 
fish,  or  the  hot,  fragrant  corn?  The  jug  of  coffee, 
and  the  bottles  of  sweetened  water  passed  from 
hand  to  hand,  while  each  boy  quafi'ed  deep,  gurg- 
ling draughts. 

Suddenly  there  was  a  loud  explosion  in  the  ashes, 

another  and  another  followed,  scattering  hot  coals, 

mealy  potatoes,  fried  fish  and  eggshells  in  every 

direction.    Bug,  Puzzy  and  Tomtit  dived  over  the 

bank  like  frogs;  Plupy,  Potter  and  Whacker  fled 

frantically  for  the  woods;  while  Fatty,  unable  to 

get  on  his  feet  quickly  enough  to  suit  the  urgency 

of  the  occasion,  rolled  over  and  over  with  loud 

yells  until  he  reached  a  large  stump,  behind  which 

he  crouched. 

For  a  few  moments  there  was  a  scarcity  of  small 
1 06 


REAL    BOYS 

boys  in  the  neighborhood,  but  after  a  while  Bug's 
head  appeared,  cautiously  peeping  over  the  bank. 

''  Gosh,  Fatty !  "  he  piped.    "  What  was  it  ?  " 

"  Dunno,"  said  Fatty.  "  Have  any  of  you  fellers 
put  cannon  crackers  into  the  fire  ?  " 

"How  many  times  did  it  go  off?"  asked 
.Whacker. 

"  'Bout  a  hundred,"  replied  Plupy,  gingerly  tip- 
toeing along  from  the  shelter  of  a  clump  of  bushes. 

At  this  moment  a  slight  puff  of  steam  from  the 
fire  caused  them  all  to  dive  again  for  shelter,  but 
as  nothing  happened  they  reappeared,  and  loudly 
marvelled  at  the  occurrence.  Plupy  laid  it  to 
spirits;  Puzzy  to  the  probability  that  some  hunter 
had  been  buried  there  during  the  Indian  wars,  and 
that  his  powder-horn  had  exploded;  and  this  idea 
was  favored  by  the  majority,  who  were  discussing 
the  advisability  of  digging  for  the  skeleton  when 
Potter  asked  if  anyone  had  pricked  the  eggs  before 
putting  them  in  the  ashes. 

"  Course  not,"  sneered  Fatty.  "  What  yer  want 
to  prick  'em  for?  You  don't  prick  'em  when  you 
boil  'em,  do  you?  " 

It  required  nice  scientific  explanation  before  the 

rest  comprehended,  but  finally  they  approached 

107 


REAL    BOYS 

the  fire  and  made  a  careful  examination.  Sure 
enough  the  camp  was  smeared  with  bursted  eggs 
and  strewn  with  scattered  coals  and  ashes,  and  the 
force  of  the  explosion  had  broken  the  cross-pole, 
bringing  the  kettle  down  on  the  fire  and  causing  a 
vast  cloud  of  steam.  Luckily  the  fish  had  nearly- 
all  been  eaten,  and  enough  of  the  corn  remained, 
albeit  in  a  somewhat  sandy  condition,  and  a  few 
roasted  potatoes,  to  furnish  a  hearty  meal. 

After  dinner  all  hands  went  in  swimming.  What 
splendid  dives  from  the  old  beech  tree  that  leaned 
from  the  apex  of  the  high  bank  over  the  pool; 
what  bursting  efforts  were  made  to  "  sound  "  and 
bring  up  bottom  from  the  middle  of  the  basin ;  and 
what  a  delicious  shivery  feeling  one  experienced 
whenever  hands  or  feet  struck  the  muddy,  snaggy 
river  bed. 

The  boys  were  all  good  swimmers,  and  could 
float,  tread  water,  turn  backward  and  forward 
somersaults,  "  lay  "  their  hair,  and  do  other  tricks 
that  might  excite  the  envy  of  professional  swim- 
mers. 

After  they  came  out,  and  while  drying  in  the 

sun,  and  running  races  up  and  down  the  bank,  they 

were  startled  by  wild  yells  from  Plupy,  who  had 

1 08 


REAL    BOYS 

been  sitting  on  a  hollow  stump  at  some  distance 
from  the  rest,  who  were  rather  inclined  to  pelt 
him  with  mud,  tie  his  shirt  sleeves  into  hard  knots, 
or  take  other  and  unwarrantable  liberties  with  him 
and  his  personal  belongings.  Looking  in  his  direc- 
tion, they  were  convulsed  with  merriment  and  de- 
light  to  see  a  naked,   skinny   form   streaking   it 


\ 


toward  the  river,  wildly  waving  his  arms  and  emit- 
ting hoarse  howls,  and  surrounded  by  a  cloud  of 

vicious,  yellow-bellied  hornets. 

109 


REAt;  BOYS 

Straight  to  the  river  bank  this  apparition  flew, 
gave  a  leap  Hke  a  frantic  bullfrog,  and  disappeared 
in  a  shower  of  spray.  For  several  seconds  nothing 
was  seen  but  the  swarm  of  irate  insects  circling 
around  the  spot  where  Plupy  was  last  seen,  "  lay- 
ing for  him,"  as  Tomtit  tersely  put  it.  But  soon 
Plupy's  head  popped  up  about  fifty  yards  away, 
and  snivelling  and  sobbing  he  swam  rapidly  to  the 
lower  bank,  where  such  of  his  companions  as  could 
stand — the  most  of  them  were  rolling  on  the 
ground  in  convulsions  of  mirth — plastered  his 
anatomy,  now  bearing  a  striking  resemblance  to  a 
cranberry  pudding,  with  mud  to  allay  the  sting. 

When  the  pain  had  in  a  measure  subsided,  Plupy 
dressed  without  removing  the  mud,  and  the  rest 
of  the  afternoon  was  devoted  to  the  exciting  sport 
of  pickerel  fishing,  a  part  of  the  boys  fishing  from 
the  bank  and  the  rest  from  the  boat.  Before  the 
sun  set  their  united  catch,  including  some  fine  fish, 
was  strung  on  a  long  beech  withe,  and  anchored 
in  shallow  water  to  keep  fresh,  while  the  fishermen 
proceeded  to  take  a  slight  refection  from  the  re- 
mains of  the  dinner. 

While    thus    engaged,    suddenly   Potter    cried, 

"  Cracky,   fellers,   look   at  that  snapper,"   at  the 

no 


REAL    BOYS 

same  time  pointing  toward  shallow  water,  where 
could  be  seen  an  enormous  snapping  turtle,  with 
head  outstretched  after  the  manner  of  its  kind, 
moving  slowly  toward  the  bank. 

"  Easy,  now,  fellers,"  cautioned  Whacker,  "  get 
a  line  and  drop  a  hook  in  front  of  him,  and  we'll 
snatch  him  out  lively." 

While  Tomtit  ran  for  a  pole,  the  snapper  caught 
sight  of  the  string  of  fish,  and,  swimming  rapidly 
to  them,  seized  the  nearest  one  by  the  tail,  and  be- 
fore the  astonished  fishermen  could  rush  half  way 
down  the  bank,  it  had  backed  into  deep  water  and 
disappeared,  dragging  with  it  the  entire  string  of 
fish. 

Great  was  the  wrath  and  keen  the  disappoint- 
ment of  the  boys,  who  had  been  so  proud  of  the 
fine  fish  that  they  had  caught,  from  the  sale  of 
which  they  had  planned  to  extinguish  the  debt  for 
the  boat. 

Puzzy  sneeringly  remarked  that  "  if  Plupy  had 

any  spunk  he  would  have  div  in  and  got  'em." 

Whacker  remarked  that   "  if  Potter  had   known 

anything  at  all  he  would  have   plugged  him   at 

first."     At  this  point  Fatty  gloomily  said  that  it 

was  after  seven  o'clock,  and  they  had  better  stop 

III  ' 


REAL    BOYS 

jawing  and  start  for  home,  and  after  grumblingly 
packing  up  their  kettle  and  pans,  the  disappointed 
fishermen  piled  into  the  boat  and  started  on  the 
long  row  home,  which  they  reached  without  fur- 
ther mishap,  except  that  Bug  left  his  coat  and  vest 
drying  on  a  stump  at  the  camp.  These  he  recov- 
ered the  next  day,  in  a  very  shrunken  and  wrinkled 
condition. 

112 


CHAPTER    II 

"  Och  !  the  Coronation  !  what  celebration 
For  emulation  can  with  it  compare?" 

— Thomas  Ingoldsby. 

For  nearly  a  year  the  good  people  of  Exeter 
had  been  greatly — yea,  at  times  tumultuously  ex- 
cited over  the  location  of  the  new  Seminary  build- 
ing. A  few  years  before,  one  William  Robinson,  a 
native  of  Exeter  who  had  spent  many  years  in  the 
South,  and  had  accumulated  a  fortune  in  dealing 
in  resin,  spruce  gum  and  other  marketable  com- 
modities, died,  leaving  a  will  in  which  he  made 
comparatively  little  provision  for  his  family,  but 
with  a  somewhat  optimistic  disregard  of  their 
future,  bequeathed  the  bulk  of  his  large  fortune 
to  his  native  town,  ostensibly  for  the  purpose  of 
rendering  young  women — and  Exeter  young 
women  in  particular — accomplished  in  art,  science, 
belles  lettres,  etc.,  and  at  the  same  time  delightfully 
domestic,  severely  businesslike  and  eminently 
practical. 

8  113 


REAL    BOYS 

For  several  years  the  town  had  been  unable  to 
realize  on  this  estate  by  reason  of  a  contest  over 
the  validity  of  the  will,  in  which  contest  the  widow 
very  properly  sought  to  recover  of  the  estate  some- 
thing more  tangible  than  a  wealth  of  memories. 

But  about  the  time  our  story  opens,  the  suit  had 
been  amicably  adjusted,  and  the  estate,  consider- 
ably depreciated  by  lawyers'  fees,  court  costs,  and 
the  widow's  portion,  became  the  prize  for  which 
different  factions  of  the  town  warred  fiercely. 

The  location  of  a  building  site  excited  the  fierc- 
est contention.  There  were  two  sites  in  the  town, 
which,  of  many  lots,  seemed  the  best  adapted  to 
the  needs  of  such  a  school.  To  a  disinterested 
party  the  needs  of  a  school  must  have  been  re- 
garded as  air  and  water,  for  the  lots  chosen,  the 
Thyng  lot  and  Prospect  Hill,  were  replete  with 
both,  and  with  little  else. 

The  Thyng  lot  was  on  the  pine,  or  western  side 

of  the  river,  and  consisted  of  several  acres  of  hilly 

and  marshy  land,  honeycombed  with  springs.     An 

aqueduct  company  had  at  one  time  endeavored  to 

lay  a  line  of  bored  logs  through  this  tract,  but  as 

they  found  that  their  logs  sank  out  of  sight  faster 

than  they  could  furnish  them,  the  enterprise  had 

114 


REAL    BOYS 

to  be  given  up,  and  the  pits,  ditches  and  holes 
their  operations  had  left,  became  the  abiding  place 
of  hideous  water-bugs,  snakes,  and  creeping 
things.  At  night  the  place  resounded  with  the 
bellow  of  the  bullfrog  and  the  shrill  piping  of  the 
hyla.  Dismal  stories  of  men  and  animals  that  had 
been  mired  and  had  sunk  to  a  gruesome  death 
were  freely  circulated  by  those  opposed  to  this 
location. 

Prospect  Hill,  on  the  contrary,  was  a  high  and 
dry  ridge  of  land  on  the  east  side  of  the  river.  It 
was  very  high,  very  bleak,  and  commanded  an  tm- 
interrupted  view  of  a  gravel-pit  on  one  side,  and 
the  back  doors  of  several  parallel  rows  of  small 
houses  on  the  other.  On  the  east  there  was  a  clear 
sweep  for  the  piercing  winds  from  the  Atlantic, 
which  had  literally  blown  all  but  the  largest 
bowlders  from  the  crest  of  the  hill. 

The  "  Hemlockers,"  as  the  residents  east  of  the 
bridge  were  called,  claimed  the  inestimable  ad- 
vantages of  natural  sanitary  conditions;  the 
"  Pineys,"  or  westenders,  unsurpassed  railway  and 
rapid  transit  facilities.  The  Pineys  called  the  Hem- 
lockers "  old  fogies  ";  the  Hemlockers  retorted  by 
stigmatizing  the  Pineys  as  "  greasy  mechanics." 

"5 


REAL    BOYS 

Those  Piiieys  who  owned  land  in  the  vicinity  of 
Prospect  Hill,  and  who  from  prudent  and  selfish 
motives  favored  that  location,  were  roundly  abused 
by  their  neighbors  and  erstwhile  friends ;  while  the 
lives  of  those  Hemlockers  who,  for  similar  reasons, 
preferred  the  Thyng  lot,  were  made  a  burden. 
Famihes  were  embroiled,  the  welfare  and  unity  of 
churches  seriously  endangered,  and  the  founda- 
tions of  society  shaken.  Old  friends  became 
deadly  enemies,  and  two  of  the  oldest  and  most 
respected  Christian  gentlemen  and  citizens,  from 
mild  arguments  proceeded  to  expostulation,  from 
expostulation  to  vituperation,  from  vituperation 
to  vigorous  blows  about  their  heads  and  shoulders 
with  knotted  canes,  until  separated  by  their  scan- 
dalized friends. 

After  several  hotly  contested  town  meetings,  in 
which  the  Marquis  of  Queensberry  rules  were  con- 
siderably more  in  evidence  than  Cushing's  Manual, 
the  matter  was  compromised  by  an  agreement  to 
locate  the  building  on  the  Thyng  lot,  and  to  give 
the  Pineys  a  majority  of  the  governing  board. 
And  now  the  lot  had  been  thoroughly  drained,  the 
location  staked  out,  ground  broken,  and  the  entire 

energies  of  a  reunited  people  were  concentrated 

ii6 


REAL    BOYS 

upon  a  proper  observance  of  the  ceremony  of  lay- 
ing the  corner-stone. 

Owing  to  a  clause  in  the  will,  by  which  the  town 
was  to  furnish  the  superstructure,  there  had  been 
a  considerable  reluctance  on  the  part  of  the  tax- 
payers in  accepting  this  legacy,  and  a  serious  ques- 
tion arose  which  threatened  to  deprive  the  town 
of  the  bountiful  provision;  but  the  voters,  with 
that  financial  optimism  and  buoyancy  that  dis- 
tinguished them  then  as  now,  promptly  borrowed 
some  fifty  or  sixty  thousand  dollars  of  the  estate, 
giving  in  payment  notes  without  interest  maturing 
on  the  thirtieth  day  of  February  in  the  year  one 
million  two  hundred  and  fourteen,  and  payable  in 
Confederate  scrip. 

The  local  band  had  been  engaged,  and  nightly 
for  weeks  had  made  hideous  preparation  for  the 
event.  The  most  clarion-voiced  of  local  orators 
had  long  been  gesticulating  before  their  mirrors, 
and  had  spent  long,  toilsome  hours  in  looking  up 
and  committing  to  memory  long-forgotten  quota- 
tions from  the  Latin  and  Greek,  and  in  other  prep- 
arations for  impromptu  remarks.  The  school  chil- 
dren, cadets,  secret    societies,  and    societies  not 

secret,  had  been  carefully  drilled  by  veteran  sol- 

117 


REAL    BOYS 

'diers.  Ox-teams  had  been  trimmed  with  ever- 
greens and  gay  ribbons;  carriage  and  cart  horses 
had  been  trained  to  do  duty  as  thoroughbred  sad- 
dlers, and  an  unlimited  quantity  of  fireworks  had 
been  secured  and  placed  in  the  hands  of  respon- 
sible persons. 

The  morning  of  the  — tli  dawned  bright  and 
fair,  with  a  fresh  west  wind  to  temper  the  heat — 
an  ideal  day.  Our  young  people  were  early  abroad, 
neatly  attired  in  yellow  linen  suits,  false  bosoms 
over  checked  flannel  shirts,  paper  collars,  string 
ties,  and  with  their  shoes,  at  least  the  fronts 
thereof,  neatly  blacked. 

The  procession  was  to  start  at  ten  A.M.  from 
in  front  of  the  town  hall,  and  long  before  that  time 
hundreds  '  f  teams  from  the  adjoining  towns 
brought  loads  of  gaily  dressed  country  people,  all 
of  whom  felt  a  prospective  interest  in  Exeter's 
new  school. 

School  children,  cadets,  secret  society  men  with 

crimson  yokes  on  their  manly  shoulders,  ghttering 

decorations  on  their  padded  breasts,  and  shiny  side 

arms,  ran  to  and  fro  to  take  their  stations,  while 

the  occasional  view  of  a  uniformed  bandsman,  who, 

with  well  assumed  carelessness,  strolled  about  with 

ii8 


REAL   BOYS 

the  bell  of  his  Instrument  peeping  from  under  his 
arm,  whetted  the  anticipations  of  our  friends  to  an 
exceeding  sharpness. 

When  Fatty  appeared  with  a  riding  whip  in  his 
hand,  and  announced  with  pardonable  pride  that 
he  was  to  ride  the  old  family  horse  Chub  in  the 
procession,  their  envy  knew  no  bounds. 

There  was  unexpected  delay  in  starting  the  pro- 
cession, owing  to  the  fact  that  at  the  first  blare  of 
fhe  band  the  chief  marshal's  horse  insisted  upon  an 
immediate  adjournment,  and  at  once  proceeded  to 
transport  that  gentleman  some  two  miles  into  the 
open  country,  despite  his  frantic  sawing  and  pro- 
fane comments. 

Upon  his  return  the  procession  got  under  way 
without  further  mishap,  and  as  the  town  had  got- 
ten itself  up  without  regard  to  expense,  the  decor- 
ations were  marvels  of  magnificence,  and  the  pro- 
cession, in  the  eyes  of  the  populace,  and  of  the 
small  boys  in  particular,  imposing  in  the  extreme. 

At  the  head  rode  the  chief  marshal,  ablaze  with 
crimson  sash  and  varnished  boots,  and  with  his 
sword  hanging  hilt  down  and  on  the  wrong  side. 
Next  came  the  Exeter  Cornet-a-Piston  Band,  in 
new  and  long-tailed  uniforms,  every  man  blowing 

119 


REAL    BOYS 

himself  black  in  the  face.  Next,  escorted  by  a 
company  of  veterans,  a  float,  upon  which  was  a 
figure  of  Lincoln  in  the  act  of  striking  the  shackles 
from  a  slave,  surrounded  by — according  to  the 
grammar  school  legend — "  Thirty-six  states,  ten 
territories,  and  the  District  of  Columbia,"  each 
represented  by  a  young  girl,  dressed  in  red,  white 
and  blue,  and  bearing  the  name  of  the  state  in 
gold  letters  upon  a  white  ground.  The  float  was 
surmounted  by  a  young  lady  impersonating  the 
Goddess  of  Liberty. 

Following  the  float  came  the  gaily  decorated 
barges,  containing  school  children  singing  patri- 
otic airs  in  jerks,  as  the  heavy  carts  jolted  over  the 
uneven  roads.  Then  came  the  trades  procession, 
made  up  of  tin  peddlers'  carts,  grocers'  teams, 
bakers'  wagons,  and  druggists'  outfits  with  'huge 
bottles  labelled  with  the  names  of  local  panaceas, 
such  as  "  Goodwin's  Grand  Grease  Juice,"  "  Dr. 
Dearborn's  Family  Salve,"  Goodwin's  Greeting 
Beer,"  with  the  then  familiar  couplet : 

"  Lest  lead  lead  thee  to  thy  bier, 
Let  not  lead  lead  to  thee  thy  beer." 

Then  came  carriages  containing  the  orators  of 

Z20 


REAL    BOYS 

the  day,  the  members  of  the  Building  Committee, 
the  Trustees,  invited  guests,  and  local  dignitaries. 

The  band  played,  the  horses  pranced,  the  dig- 
nitaries smiled,  bowed  and  waved  their  gloved  and 
perspiring  hands,  and  the  small  boys  whooped, 
cheered,  ran,  and  jostled  the  bystanders. 

Our  young  friends  kept  abreast  of  the  proces- 
sion, keeping  Fatty  in  view  as  he  sat  proudly  on 
the  old  horse,  and  encouraging  him  with  loud 
shouts  whenever  that  venerable  charger  showed 
signs  of  friskiness.  This  tendency  in  that  ancient 
animal  became  more  and  more  apparent  as  the 
march  wore  on.  Either  he  recollected  similar 
scenes  in  his  far-away  colthood,  or  became  unduly 
exhilarated  by  the  hoarse  melody  of  the  trom- 
bones; certain  it  is  that  he  suddenly  reared  straight 
up  and  slid  Fatty  over  his  tail  to  the  ground  under 
the  noses  of  the  leaders  on  the  float. 

The  leaders  at  once  backed  on  the  pole  horses, 
and  the  float  came  to  an  abrupt  stop.  The  driver 
flew  out  of  his  seat  and  on  to  the  backs  of  the  pole 
horses,  while  the  Goddess  of  Liberty  toppled  from 
her  proud  height,  and  fell  with  a  wild  shriek  on  the 
head  and  shoulders  of  the  President,  crushing  his 

X2I 


REAL   BOYS 

tall  hat  over  his  eyes,  as  he  in  turn  crushed  almost 
flat  the  unhappy  colored  brother. 

For  a  few  moments  the  ''  States  "  were  threat- 
ened with  disunion,  and  narrowly  escaped  being 
dissevered,  discordant  and  belligerent,  and  with 
one  accord  screamed  wildly,  while  the  representa- 
tive of  the  down-trodden  race,  taking  his  emanci- 
pation as  a  fact  beyond  dispute,  disengaged  him- 
self from  the  wreck  and  fled  to  the  sidewalk,  wherp 
he  somewhat  profanely  "  'lowed  someone  gwine 
git  killed  by  dis  yer  fooHshing." 

The  prompt  action  of  the  bystanders  prevented 
an  accident,  and  the  Goddess  of  Liberty  having 
been  reinstated  in  her  former  commanding  posi- 
tion, and  further  secession  of  the  states  prevented, 
the  procession  gaily  continued  its  march.  In  the 
meantime  Fatty,  sound  in  limb,  but  dusty  of  gar- 
ments, had  joined  his  friends,  and  the  old  horse, 
with  uplifted  head  and  tail,  and  distended  nostrils, 
had  galloped  home,  dodging  fat  women,  apoplectic 
old  men  and  baby  carriages  in  a  manner  marvel- 
lous to  see. 

After  the  parade  there  was  a  big  dinner  in  a 
tent  on  the  Seminary  Grounds,  to  which  none  of 
our  friends  had  tickets  necessary  for  admission. 


REAL   BOYS 

This  fact,  while  in  a  measure  a  disappointment  to 
them,  "  To  see,"  as  Whacker  expressed  it,  "  a  lot 
of  bald-headed  old  pods  a-hogging  down  ice- 
cream," did  not  prevent  them  from  thoroughly 
enjoying  the  many  attractions  afforded  in  the  way 
of  punching  machines,  lung  testers,  lifting  ma- 
chines, peep  shows,  patent  medicine  men  and  elec- 
tric batteries. 

What  could  equal  the  exquisite  pleasure  of  see- 
ing a  friend  clinging  with  a  deathlike  grip  to  the 
handles  of  a  galvanic  battery,  while  he  danced 
frantically  in  a  vain  endeavor  to  let  go  ?  After  wit- 
nessing Fatty's  and  Plupy's  performance,  which 
would  have  conferred  distinction  upon  a  profes- 
sional acrobat,  it  seemed  to  the  other  boys  that 
life  held  no  greater  pleasure. 

In  the  evening,  with  their  ranks  reinforced  by 
such  hard  citizens  as  Beany,  Cawcaw,  Micky, 
Dutchy,  and  Stubby,  they  swarmed  over  the 
grounds  Hke  a  cluster  of  bees,  climbing  upon  the 
bandstand,  trespassing  upon  that  part  of  the 
ground  sacred  to  the  fireworks  and  being  driven 
out  by  the  keeper  in  charge,  interrupting  the 
speaker  with  cat-calls,  chasing  each  other,  and 
making  nuisances  of  themselves  after  the  manner 

1.23 


REAL    BOYS 

of  small  boys,  and  visiting  in  turn  the  tubs  of  free 
lemonade. 

It  was  the  first  time  in  their  lives  that  unlimited 
lemonade  had  fallen  to  their  lots,  and  that  oppor- 
tunity was  made  the  most  of,  and  their  capabilities 
were  so  evenly  balanced  that  to  this  day  it  is  their 
proud  boast  that  they  absorbed  during  that  eve- 
ning thirteen  glasses  each  of  that  delectable  bever- 
age. But  not  one  of  them  cares  to  speak  of  the 
night  that  followed.  Thirteen  was  in  truth  an  un- 
lucky, but  not  quite  a  fatal  number  in  their  case. 

124 


CHAPTER  12 

"  Contrary  to  the  form  of  the  statute  in  such  case  made 
and  provided,  and  against  the  peace  and  dignity  of  *he 
State." — Justice  and  Sheriff. 

The  long  vacation  ended  the  first  week  in  Sep- 
tember, and  the  fall  term  of  the  High  School 
opened.  As  early  as  half-past  eight  the  "  High 
Schoolers,"  as  they  were  called,  assembled  in  the 
big  school  yard  on  Court  Street.  The  yard,  so 
quiet  during  the  long  summer  months,  now  re- 
sounded with  shouts,  whoops  and  shrieks,  as  the 
boys  chased  each  other,  wrestled,  tussled,  and  in 
various  ways  sought  to  work  off  their  superabun- 
dant spirits. 

The  incoming  class  was  a  large  one,  and  was 
disposed  to  resent  any  patronage  on  the  part  of 
the  next  higher  or  third  class.  The  second  class 
was  beginning  to  feel  the  dignity  of  its  position, 
while  the  first  class  was  composed  chiefly  of  young 
men  who  had  assumed  the  toga  virilis,  ordinarily 
known  as  the  bobtailed  coat,  and  who  had  forever 

125 


REAL   BOYS 

discarded  the  false  bosom  for  the  complete  linen 
shirt  and  paper  collar  of  swelldom. 

Between  the  members  of  the  higher  and  lower 
classes  there  was  good-natured  tolerance  on  one 
side  and  affectionate  reverence  on  the  other. 
Where  were  greater  heroes  in  the  eyes  of  the 
younger  boys  than  Glynn,  who  threw  Darlington 
the  famous  Academy  athlete?  Or  Eastman,  who 
could  "  plug  "  a  hard  rubber  ball  from  the  High 
School  yard  to  the  old  Brewery  on  River  Street? 
Or  Fatty's  brother  Dan,  who  was  supposed  to  be 
a  knowing  dog,  and  who  drove  fast  horses  and 
smoked  real  cigars?  Or  Jamieson,  who  was  ru- 
mored to  have  had  an  unfortunate  love  affair  with 
a  prominent  society  lady,  and  who  held  himself 
apart  from  his  friends  and  looked  as  one  bereft  of 
hope? 

Between  the  members  of  the  third  and  fourth 

classes  there  was  but  little  love  lost,  for  at  least 

the  first  week  of  the  term.     Indeed,  the  recesses, 

and  the  morning  hour  before  school,  were  taken 

up  for  the  most  part  in  trying  the  strength  and 

skill  of  the  new  boys  in  "rasslin,"  knocking  off 

hats,  and  punching  with  bare  fists,  "  no  fair  hittin' 

in  the  face." 

126 


REAL   BOYS 


After  these  preliminaries  had  been  disposed  of, 
and  before  the  usual  subscription  had  been  taken, 
time  hung  somewhat  heavy  on  their  hands. 

It  happened  that  the  old  town  hall,  which  stood 


f-*..»sa 


on  one  side  of  the  High  School  yard,  was  unoc- 
cupied. This  venerable  building,  which  had 
echoed  to  the  eloquence  of  Webster,  Butler,  Jere- 
miah Mason  and  John  Sullivan,  had  been  dis- 
carded by  the  town,  and  stood  alone  and  neglected. 

127 


REAL    BOYS 

One  morning  before  school,  Bug  proposed  to  the 
boys  that  they  should  try  and  see  who  should 
throw  a  stone  nearest  the  upper  back  window 
without  striking  it,  and  taking  careful  aim  led  of¥ 
with  an  excellent  shot,  perilously  near  the  glass. 
He  was  followed  by  Fatty,  who  from  prudent 
motives  threw  so  wide  of  the  mark  that  his  at- 
tempt was  greeted  with  loud  hoots  of  derision. 

Several  others  followed  with  but  indifferent  suc- 
cess, until  it  came  to  Plupy's  turn.  Now  Plupy's 
ambition  was  to  excel  in  every  sport,  but  he  was 
seriously  handicapped  by  a  lack  of  natural  ability 
to  accomplish  his  aim.  He  now  saw  a  chance  to 
beat  Bug,  and  selected  a  missile  with  great  care 
and  let  drive.  Alas!  it  was  a  scaler,  and  after 
describing  a  beautiful  curve  went  smashing 
through  a  different  window  than  the  one  aimed  at, 
with  a  crash  and  jingle  of  flying  glass. 

As  Plupy,  holding  one  leg  in  the  air  in  horror, 
lifted  it  higher  and  higher  as  with  bulging  eyeballs 
he  followed  the  deadly  course  of  the  stone,  there 
was  a  silence  of  guilt,  then  a  loud  cheer. 

Then  Bug,  not  to  be  outdone,  picked  up  a  larger 
stone  and  hurled  it  through  one  of  the  lower 
windows. 

X38 


REAL    BOYS 

At  that  moment  the  bell  rang,  and  the  boys 
trooped  into  school,  casting  curious  and  defiant 
glances  at  each  other,  as  if  they  anticipated  some 
stirring  developments. 

It  is  a  curious  fact  that  whenever  a  peculiarly 
inexcusable  piece  of  mischief  is  done  by  a  boy, 
at  once  every  other  boy  in  sight  and  hearing  is 
possessed  of  the  demon  of  mischief  to  repeat  the 
act.  Whether  the  result  of  heredity  or  the  in- 
herent depravity  of  boys,  rest  assured  that  not 
once  during  the  afternoon  did  the  boys  forget  the 
rattle  of  glass  or  the  fascinating  excitement  of  do- 
ing a  dangerous  and  forbidden  act.  While  Puzzy 
and  Tommy  Titmouse  were  apparently  engrossed 
in  Hilliard's  Sixth  Reader  it  is  safe  to  say  that  they 
were  mentally  calculating  the  effect  of  particularly 
jagged  stones  they  had  in  mind. 

That  afternoon  before  school  several  panes  of 

glass  were  broken,  and  as  nobody  interfered  the 

boys  began  to  grow  bolder.     It  was  interesting 

from  a  scientific  standpoint  to  see  how  smoothly 

and    silently    a    small    round    pebble    would    go 

through  a  pane,  and  how  small  a  hole  it  would 

make;  and  exhilarating  to  mark  the  results  that 

could  be  accomplished  with  a  well-aimed  brick. 
9  129 


REAL   BOYS 

For  several  days  the  mischief  continued,  and  the 
boys  began  to  use  large  stones  and  heavy  clubs, 
their  aim  being  to  see  how  many  sashes  could  be 
broken. 

But  Nemesis  was  on  their  track,  and  if  one  could 
have  looked  in  on  the  selectmen's  room  one  eve- 
ning they  would  have  seen  these  three  worthies  in 
earnest  conversation  with  the  Chief  of  Police. 
The  next  day,  after  roll-call,  there  was  a  loud 
knock  on  the  school  door,  which  being  opened  dis- 
closed the  burly  proportions  of  the  latter  gentle- 
man, armed  with  a  bundle  of  papers. 

There  was  an  instant  of  horrified  silence,  and 
each  guilty  boy,  with  a  gasp  of  consternation, 
buried  himself  behind  the  open  covers  of  his  atlas 
and  studied  frantically,  as  he  mentally  calculated 
the  remote  chances  of  escape,  while  the  officer, 
after  stating  that  great  outrage  had  been  com- 
mitted upon  the  town  property,  proclaimed  that 
he  had  warrants  for  the  arrest  of  thirty-five  schol- 
ars, whose  names  he  proceeded  with  painful  dis- 
tinctness to  read.  The  suspense  of  this  reading 
none  of  those  present  at  that  time  will  forget.  The 
feelings  of  the  boy  whose  name  came  last,  and 
who  had  been  hoping,  vainly    hoping,    that    he 

130 


REAL    BOYS 


would  not  be  called  for,  can  well  be  imagined.  It 
was  Plupy,  who  had  only  broken  one  window,  and 
that  by  accident.  The  school  was  at  once  dis- 
missed, and  the  thirty-five  delinquents,  escorted 


^'S.Q.ffcKcO. 


by  the  police  and  accompanied  by  the  High  School 
teacher  and  several  of  the  parents  who  had  got 
wind  of  the  affair,  proceeded  at  once  to  the  office 
of  Justice  Bell,  where,  more  dead  than  alive,  they 

131 


REAL   BOYS 

were  arraigned  and  forced  to  listen  to  the  reading 
of  the  warrants,  which  stated  the  complaint  with 
a  wealth  of  repetition  and  innuendo,  and  a  cruel 
adroitness  of  description  and  a  bewildering  me- 
lange of  unknown  verbiage,  calculated  to  strike 
conviction  to  the  hardest  and  most  unrepentant 
heart- 

The  proceedings  were  somewhat  brief,  as  all  the 
respondents  pleaded  guilty,  and  the  Court,  after  a 
sharp  reprimand,  fined  them  each  three  dollars, 
and  gave  all  those  who  were  unable  to  pay  at  once 
ten  days  in  which  to  raise  that  amount.  The  cul- 
prits were  then  allowed  to  go  to  make  arrange- 
ments for  raising  the  money.  The  feelings  of  the 
boys  can  well  be  imagined.  Bug  was  defiant, 
Puzzy  depressed,  and  Whacker  deeply  mortified, 
as  his  dignity  had  received  an  almost  mortal  blow. 
Plupy  was  led  forth  in  an  almost  dazed  condition, 
completely  overwhelmed  with  the  severity  of  the 
sentence  and  the  certainty  of  paternal  wrath  and 
condign  punishment.  Fatty  didn't  care  much  pro- 
vided his  mother  didn't  find  it  out.  He  knew  he 
could  borrow  the  money  of  Dan,  for  he  knew  some 
things  about   Dan  which   that  gentleman   didn't 

care  to  have  come  to  the  knowledge  of  the  family 

132 


REAL    BOYS 


circle,  and  he  had,  presuming  on  this  knowledge, 
for  some  time  exacted  tribute  from  Daniel,  and 
reckoned  with  considerable  certainty  upon  doing 
it  another  time. 

How  the  culprits  finally  adjusted  matters  with 


their  parents  is  to  this  day  not  definitely  known, 
but  it  was  noticeable  that  for  several  weeks  there 
were  no  more  gatherings  after  supper,  and  that 
the  Wednesday  and  Saturday  half  holidays  were 
set  apart  by  many  of  the  boys  for  sawing  wood, 
raking  lawns,  or  working  around  yards  and  barns. 
For  about  a  fortnight  after  the  day  of  trial, 
133 


REAL   BOYS 

glaziers  worked  industriously  in  replacing  the 
three  hundred  and  fifteen  broken  panes.  In  spite 
of  the  severity  of  the  lesson  it  was  evident  that 
the  authorities  still  distrusted  the  boys,  for  the 
windows  were  for  complete  security  covered  with 
a  strong  wire  netting,  which,  after  so  many  years, 

remains  in  place. 

134 


CHAPTER  13 

"  To-day  the  vessel  will  be  launched, 
With  fleecy  clouds  the  sky  is  blanched, 
And  o'er  the  bay, 
Slowly  in  all  his  splendors  dight 
The  great  sun  rises  to  behold  the  sight." 

The  expensive  experience  of  our  friends  in 
wrestling  with  the  strong  arm  of  the  law,  added  to 
the  debt  incurred  by  them  in  hiring  the  blue  boat, 
led  to  a  council  of  ways  and  means.  They  had 
long  wanted  a  boat,  and  about  this  time  Potter 
had  been  presented  with  a  copy  of  that  delightful 
volume  "  Every  Boy's  Book  of  Sports  and  Amuse- 
ments," which  contained  a  chapter  devoted  to 
boat  building,  in  which  was  demonstrated  beyond 
a  peradventure  that  any  boy  of  ordinary  ingenuity 
can  make  a  very  serviceable  craft  with  a  board,  a 
few  barrel  staves,  and  a  half  pound  of  shingle  nails, 
or  something  to  that  effect.  This  article,  on  being 
read  to  the  boys,  created  great  enthusiasm. 

Naturally  enough  it  seemed  as  if  the  opportu- 
nity for  owning  a  boat  was  well  nigh  providential, 

135 


REAL    BOYS 

and  must  be  improved.  It  happened  that  Fatty's 
mother  owned  large  piles  of  boards  on  the  edge 
of  the  big  field  on  Court  Street,  and  was  about 
to  build  a  new  barn  to  replace  one  recently  lost  by 
fire,  and  it  was  confidently  suggested  to  Fatty  that 
he  could  furnish  all  the  necessary  lumber  without 
expense.  Such  confidence  as  this  Fatty  could  not 
break,  and  at  once  assented,  whether  or  not  with 
his  mother's  assent  the  boys  did  not  ask,  as  they 
very  properly  felt  that  it  would  be  in  the  highest 
degree  indelicate  to  pry  into  family  affairs. 

It  would  take  a  very  long  chapter  to  chronicle 
the  ludicrous  mishaps  of  the  boatbuilders  during 
the  next  week;  to  detail  the  fingers  that  were 
pounded,  the  splinters  that  penetrated  almost 
every  part  of  their  little  bodies;  the  pile  of  boards 
that  fell  on  Tomtit,  and  his  rescue  by  the  other 
boys;  the  gash  in  Fatty's  leg  caused  by  a  vigorous 
but  misdirected  drive  with  a  hatchet,  and  his  jour- 
ney home  astride  of  a  board,  supported  by  the 
united  efforts  of  his  sympathetic  but  over-loaded 
companions,  would  make  a  complete  story  by 
itself. 

Suffice  it  to  say  that  by  the  following  Saturday 

a  flat-bottomed,  square-ended  bateau,  capable  of 

carrying   eight    or   ten    persons,    was   ready   for 

136 


REAL    BOYS 

launching.  It  was  terribly  heavy,  but  practically 
watertight,  as  it  had  been  carefully  caulked  with 
rags,  and  soldered  with  pitch  and  tar,  in  which  the 
architects  had  immersed  themselves  to  the  elbows. 


On  this  day  great  preparations  had  been  made 
for  the  launching.  A  slide,  built  on  the  edge  of  the 
river,  had  been  lavishly  greased  by  liberal  applica- 
tions of  butter  and  lard,  donated,  as  Fatty  said,  by 
the  cook.  A  bottle  of  sweet  cider,  from  the  juice  of 

137 


REAL    BOYS 

early  Astrachan  apples,  had  been  secured  by  Puzzy 
in  the  same  darkly  suspicious  manner,  and  quite 
a  gathering  of  the  girl  friends  of  the  boys  had 
been  bidden  to  the  launching,  and  had  arrived,  gay 
with  ribbons,  and  coquettish  in  the  extreme. 

Fatty  furnished  the  requisite  horse-power  for 
the  occasion  in  the  person  of  old  Chub,  equipped 
with  work  harness  and  chain  traces,  and  he  was  at 
once  hitched  to  the  boat  for  the  journey  through 
the  field  to  the  river's  bank.  Now  Chub,  as  an  an- 
cient servitor  of  the  Oilman  family,  had  taken  unto 
himself  some  of  the  independent  airs  peculiar  to 
old  retainers,  and  was  occasionally  somewhat  un- 
reliable with  the  boys.  In  the  carriage  or  under 
saddle  he  would  jog  along  as  sedately  as  you 
please,  but  when  put  to  special  or  unusual  work  he 
was  liable  to  resent  it. 

So  in  this  case,  when  he  comprehended  the  na- 
ture of  the  work  to  which  he  was  about  to  be  sub- 
jected, he  baulked.  Various  experiments  were 
tried  without  success.  First  Tomtit  tried  to  put 
beans  in  his  ear,  but  he  swung  his  head  round  so 
quickly  as  to  send  that  vigorous  youth  rolling 
several  yards  away.  Next  the  confiding  Plupy  was 
induced  to  mount  him,  upon  the  supposition  that 
as  a  peaceful  saddle  horse  he  would  at  once  amble 

138 


REAL    BOYS 

off,  but  he  at  once  dropped  his  head  and  elevated 
his  hind  quarters,  and  poor  Phtpy  shot  over  his 
head  in  a  most  abrupt  manner. 

Then,  when  further  persuasion  had  failed,  and 
despair  had  seized  upon  them,  he  suddenly  started 
with  a  jerk  that  threw  Puzzy  and  Whacker,  who 
were  seated  on  the  rear  seat  with  their  respective 
best  girls,  over  backwards,  and  left  the  girls  sway- 
ing wildly  and  clutching  each  other,  while  the  boys 
raced  after  the  procession  yelling  whoa,  and  striv- 
ing in  vain  to  head  off  the  fiery  beast. 

Finally,  after  frightening  the  girls  about  out  of 
their  wits,  he  stopped  of  his  own  accord,  and  be- 
came as  docile  as  a  lamb.  The  boat  was  then  with- 
out much  trouble  pulled  upon  the  slide,  and  the 
stays  adjusted.  Not  without  accident,  however, 
for  while  the  boys,  several  on  each  side,  were  busy 
with  them,  the  boat  suddenly  started  diagonally, 
and  before  they  could  get  out  of  the  way  it  shot 
off  the  incline  sideways  and  turned  completely 
over,  burying  Fatty,  Puzzy,  Whacker  and  Plupy. 

At  once  all  was  confusion.  Loud  howls  of  "  Get 
off  my  legs ! "  from  Plupy,  who  was  not  quite  all 
under  the  boat,  and  muffled  entreaties  to  "  Get  off 
my  head !  "  from  Puzzy,  who  was  pinned  down  by 
the  stalwart  form  of  Fatty,  were  distinguishable 

139 


REAL    BOYS 

amid  the  tumult.  At  once  all  rushed  to  the  rescue, 
and  girls  and  boys,  with  pieces  of  timber  as  levers, 
finally  lifted  the  boat  enough  on  one  side  to  allow 
the  imprisoned  martyrs  to  crawl  out,  which  they 
did  with  great  expedition  and  with  an  entire  want 
of  dignity. 

Again  the  boat  was  elevated  to  the  slide,  and 
this  time  securely  kept  in  position  until  the  exer- 
cises were  complete.  These  were  impressive.  In 
the  bow  of  the  boat  one  of  the  girls  stood  with  the 
bottle  of  cider  in  her  hand,  and  recited  with  great 
fervor  "  The  Launching  of  the  Ship."  The  pro- 
gramme contemplated  the  breaking  of  the  bottle 
on  the  bow  of  the  boat  at  the  close  of  the  oration, 
and  just  before  the  boat  started.  Unfortunately, 
the  boys  to  whom  the  duty  had  been  entrusted 
performed  it  so  promptly  that  the  boat  started  al- 
most before  the  last  line  had  passed  her  lips.  Not 
to  be  behindhand,  she  struck  vigorously  just  as 
the  boat  slid  by  Fatty.  Unlike  the  ryreat  Lord  of 
Luna,  who,  "  Missed  the  helm  but  gashed  his 
thigh,"  she  struck  Fatty  a  resounding  blow 
squarely  on  the  top  of  his  head,  breaking  the  bottle 
and  drenching  Iiim  witli  tlie  contents;  while  the 
boat,  like  a  thing  endowed  with  life,  plunged  down 

the  greased   incline,  and   slid  across  the  stream, 

140 


^'^'5  -^-^^s-— f.r;g^^.  %: 


',  .e-P^ 


pi, 


REAL    BOYS 

leaving  the  young  lady  sitting  in  the  green  ooze 
and  mud  on  the  edge  of  the  water,  from  which  dis- 
agreeable position  she  was  rescued  in  a  most  for- 
lorn state. 

After  the  ladies  present  had  discreetly  retired 
behind  various  trees,  Plupy  and  Bug  peeled  and 
swam  across  the  river  after  the  boat,  which  they 
secured,  and  in  which  the  ladies  were  treated  to  a 
sail,  not  including  the  elocutionist,  who  had  gone 

home  mad. 

141 


CHAPTER  14 

THE    BOYS    GIVE    A    PICNIC 

"The  was  cowld  ice-crame  'n  crame  thot  wuz  hot, 
The  wus  Roman  punch  froze  up  in  snowballs/ n  sparrowgrass, 
Paty  de  f  oi  grass,  whativer  thot  may  be 
Made  out  ov  goose  livers  in  grase, 
The  wuz  rid-headed  dooks,  'n  salmon  'n  peas 
Bottle  nosed  pickeril,  paruvian  ostriches, 
Corn  bafe  'n  cabbige,  'n  biled  Mur-r-phy  praties 
'N  ivery  thing  ilse  thot  wud  plaze." 

— The  Christening. 

The  advent  of  a  new  boat  on  the  river  turned 
the  minds  of  the  proprietors  of  that  remarkable 
conveyance  to  thoughts  of  hospitality.  The  boys 
ihad  for  several  days  indulged  in  earnest  discus- 
sion over  the  proper  method  of  entertaining  their 
lady  friends.  Indeed  the  discussion  had  on  one 
occasion  taken  quite  a  personal  turn,  and  the  par- 
ticipants had  indulged  in  much  recrimination. 

Whacker,    who    entertained    a    passion    for    a 

young  lady  living  on  Town  Hill,  had  been  taunted 

with  that  fact  by  his  brothers  Bug  and  Puzzy,  and 

had  at  once  dared  "  Three  among  them  to  face, 

142 


REAL    BOYS 

him  on  the  bloody  sand."  There  being  but  two, 
and  those  two  accepting  the  invitation  with  en- 
thusiasm, a  most  interesting  fistic  argument  was 
the  immediate  result. 

Plupy,  too,  had  rather  more  to  say  than  usual, 
owing  to  his  good  fortune  in  the  possession  of 
certain  attractive  sisters,  whose  fascinations  had 
so  worked  upon  the  sensitive  natures  of  Doctor 
(Willy)  Swett  and  Dany  Wingate,  that  they 
deemed  an  ofifensive  and  defensive  league  with  the 
ever  verdant  Plupy  much  to  be  desired. 

Indeed,  in  the  course  of  the  discussion,  when 
Fatty  intimated  a  fell  intention  to  put  a  "  tin  ear  " 
on  Plupy,  a  proceeding  utterly  unnecessary  in 
view  of  that  stripling's  ample  equipment,  he  was 
dumbfounded  at  the  promptitude  with  which 
Doctor  and  Dany  stepped  out  and  informed  him 
that  before  he  licked  Plupy  he  must  lick  them. 

These  unexpected  but  welcome  reinforcements 
so  encouraged  the  hitherto  peaceful  Plupy  that 
in  language  suitable  to  the  theme  he  walked  into 
Fatty  and  soon  stripped  that  gentleman  of  every 
shred  of  character,  secure  in  the  protection  so  op- 
portunely vouchsafed. 

Notwithstanding  the  apparent  acrimony  of  the 
proceedings,  it  was  impossible  for  these  young- 
US 


REAL    BOYS 

sters  to  nourish  ill-feeling  for  more  than  a  few 
minutes  at  a  time,  and  an  amicable  adjustment 
of  the  matter  was  finally  arrived  at  by  the  terms 
of  which  it  was  agreed  to  hold  a  picnic  at  the  Eddy 
on  the  following  Saturday. 

Each  boy  w^as  to  invite  a  companion  dear  to  his 
heart,  for  whose  comfort,  safety  and  well-being 
he  was  to  be  severally  responsible  during  the  day. 
He  was  to  importune  the  young  lady  honored 
with  his  invitation  to  cook,  boil,  bake,  fry  or 
otherwise  prepare  sundry  viands  for  the  refresh- 
ment of  the  assemblage,  or  failing  in  this,  to  pro- 
cure and  provide  the  same  by  cajolery,  persuasion, 
entreaty,  right  of  discovery,  trover  or  petty  lar- 
ceny, from  blood  relations,  collaterals,  or  chance 
acquaintances. 

As  the  boat  would  accommodate  but  eight  per- 
sons, half  the  boys,  with  their  respective  partners, 
were  to  start  for  the  Eddy  by  boat,  and  the  re- 
maining half  were  to  w-alk,  reversing  the  method 
on  the  return. 

On  Saturday  morning  a  brilliant  assemblage 
met  on  the  river  bank,  the  girls  brave  in  ribbons 
and  many-colored  plaids,  the  boys  in  yellow  linen 
suits  of  exceeding  stiffness  and  starchiness.  Sev- 
eral of  the  young  ladies  wore  their  hair  in  be- 

144 


REAL'    BOYS 

coming  ringlets,  while  those  whose  hair  had  been, 
in  deference  to  a  prevailing  custom,  cut  the  pre- 
vious spring,  confined  their  abbreviated  tresses  in 
beaded  nets  of  the  latest  style. 

And  now,  for  some  inexplicable  reason,  quite 
common,  however,  in  gatherings  of  this  sort,  great 
formality  and  precision  of  address  prevailed.  The 
gentlemen  commonly  known  as  Bug,  Fatty, 
Plupy,  Puzzy,  Potter,  etc.,  now  were  known  to 
each  other  by  the  less  familiar  but  more  euphoni- 
ous Oilman,  Chadwick,  Shute,  etc.,  and  to  the 
ladies  as  Mister  Oilman,  Mister  Chadwick,  Mister 
Shute,  etc. ;  while  the  young  ladies  known  upon 
less  ceremonious  occasions  as  Lil  and  Jen  and 
Keene  and  Nell  and  Cele,  and  by  other  affection- 
ate and  familiar  appellations,  now  were  addressed 
as  Miss  Lilly  and  Miss  Jenny  and  Miss  Keene  and 
Miss  Nelly. 

All  the  ladies  turned  out  their  toes  when  they 
walked,  and  held  their  heads  very  high,  and 
shrieked  delicate  little  shrieks  when  the  boat 
rocked,  while  the  young  gentlemen  looked  brave 
and  fierce,  and  talked  knowingly  about  keeping 
her  trim  and  on  an  easy  keel,  and  passing  the  sup- 
plies aft,  and  looking  out  for  the  starboard  sweep 

lo  145 


REAL    BOYS 

and  other  nautical  expressions  pertinent  to  the 
matter  in  hand. 

As  the  boat,  bearing  its  precious  freight  slowly 
breasted  the  current  the  rest  of  the  party  on  invita- 
tion of  Fatty  repaired  to  his  barn,  where,  to  their 
great  delight,  they  found  a  capacious  farm  wagon 
had  been  provided  with  chairs,  and,  to  quote  the 
polite  formula  of  that  gentleman,  "  The  carriage 
was  waiting,  ladies." 

Plupy,  having  no  partner,  owing  to  his  being, 
if  not  a  "  laggard  in  love  "  at  least  unfortunate  in 
that  pursuit,  was  at  once  elected  as  charioteer  and 
took  a  seat  on  the  dash-board,  while  the  others, 
arranging  themselves  in  pairs  on  the  seats  pro- 
vided, shouted  to  the  impatient  Plupy  to  "  let  him 
go." 

Plupy  improved  the  occasion  to  administer  a 
sharp  cut  to  poor  Chub  as  an  incentive  to  well 
doing.  There  was  a  snort,  a  plunge  forward,  a 
chorus  of  shrill  screams,  a  waving  of  legs,  plaid 
skirts  and  yellow  linen,  a  rattling  of  chairs,  and  a 
breaking  of  wagon  wheels,  and  the  entire  load 
of  happy  passengers  was  unceremoniously  dumped 
on  the  driveway,  while  the  excited  and  justly  re- 
sentful horse  made  a  break  for  the  yawning  stable 

146 


REAL    BOYS 

ioor,  unmindful  of  Plupy's  frantic  efforts  to  pull 
him  down. 

The  dishevelled  ladies  were  rescued,  brushed, 
dusted  and  consoled  by  the  graceful  and  tactful 
courtesy  of  Fatty's  mother,  whose  presence  alone 
prevented  the  immediate  rnobbing  of  Plupy. 

All  thoughts  of  again  mounting  the  conveyance 
being  out  of  the  question,  they  started  on  foot  for 
the  Eddy,  Fatty,  whose  plans  had  been  prema- 
turely ruined  by  Plupy's  malfeasance  in  of^ce, 
covertly  shaking  his  fist  at  that  lanky  youth  and 
breathing  maledictions  and  threats  to  "just  wait 
and  see  if  I  don't  lam  you." 

In  spite  of  the  delay  occasioned  by  the  accident 
they  arrived  at  the  picnic  grounds  considerably  in 
advance  of  the  boat,  and  without  special  incident, 
except  that  Plupy,  in  attempting  to  shin  a  picket 
fence,  had  split  the  leg  of  his  trousers  neady  to  the 
waist  line,  which  had  occasioned  that  worthy  con- 
siderable mortification,  as,  holding  himself  to- 
gether with  one  hand  and  with  the  other  clutching 
his  hat,  he  sped  for  home  to  make  a  necessary 
change  of  apparel. 

And  now  joyful  shouts  and  the  regular  thump 
of  rowlocks  announced  the  approach  of  the  boat, 
which  soon  swung  round  the  bend  with  Doc  and 

147 


REAL    BOYS 

Whacker  pulling  sturdily,  although  in  a  highly 
apoplectic  state,  the  ladies  now  waving  their  hand- 
kerchiefs and  now  trailing  their  fair  hands  in  the 
water,  which  greatly  added  to  the  labor  of  the  oars- 
men, who  were,  however,  too  polite  to  speak  of  it. 

Arriving  at  the  landing  place,  a  tree  stump  pro- 
jecting over  the  pool,  the  boat,  like  Mary's  little 
lamb,  was  tethered  to  a  stone,  and  the  gentlemen 
contended  for  the  honor  of  assisting  the  ladies  to 
alight,  which  with  delicate  little  screams  and  with 
great  agility  three  of  them  proceeded  to  do.  And 
now  dire  misfortune  befell  Dany's  companion,  for 
when  Fatty,  standing  on  the  narrow  stump,  grace- 
fully extended  his  hand  to  assist  her  from  the  boat 
he  forgot  that  his  plump  proportions  left  about  as 
much  room  on  the  stump  as  might  be  safely  oc- 
cupied by  a  chipping  bird.  In  consequence  of  this, 
when  she  jumped,  impelled  by  a  vigorous  pull 
from  the  powerful  arms  of  Fatty,  she  struck  him 
full  in  his  manly  stomach,  at  which  he  sat  violently 
down  with  a  gasping  "  oof,"  while  she,  rebound- 
ing from  the  impact,  sank  to  her  neck  in  the  cool 
waters  and  remained  cHnging  frantically  to  the 
stump  and  shrieking  fortissimo. 

Instantly  the  most  tremendous  excitement  took 

possession    of    the    picnickers.      While    the    girls 

148 


REAL    BOYS 

shrieked  wildly  the  boys  with  one  accord  tore 
down  the  bank,  shouting  words  of  cheer  and  shrill 
directions.  In  a  trice  a  human  chain  was  formed, 
the  idea  emanating  from  the  practical  mind  of 
Potter,  who  had  read  of  similar  feats  performed  by 
the  monkeys  of  South  America,  and  the  imperilled 
fair  one  was  snatched  from  her  uncomfortable  po- 
sition and  with  such  rapidity  that  her  arm  was 
nearly  pulled  from  its  socket,  whereupon  she 
showed  proper  gratitude  by  calling  Fatty  a  "  big 
lummux  "  and  taking  refuge  in  tears,  while  the 
boys  heaped  ignominy  on  that  much-tired  youth, 
who  stoutly  repelled  the  insinuation  that  he  "  done 
it  a-purpose." 

At  this  juncture  an  event  occurred  most  op- 
portunely to  dissipate  angry  feelings.  Plupy,  who 
had  made  the  best  of  his  time  in  changing  his  rai- 
ment, and  running  and  walking  through  the  wood- 
path,  had  heard  the  shrieks  and  shouts  of  "Keene's 
ill  the  river!  "  "  Keene's  in  the  river!  "  and  came 
charging  up  the  path  at  a  rate  of  speed  perfectly 
phenomenal,  and  with  a  look  on  his  countenance 
of  horrified  interrogation. 

Noting  the  tears  and  commotion,  and  believing 

his  sister  at  the  bottom  of  the  river,  he  rushed  to- 

149 


REAL    BOYS 

ward  the  bank  shouting :  "  Where  did  she  go 
down  ?    Tell  me,  fellerSj  where  she  went  down !  " 

Bug,  seizing  the  opportunity,  pointed  to  a  place 
a  few  feet  from  the  lower  bank  where  a  few  bubbles 
were*  rising,  and  fltlpyj  tearihg  off  his  coat  and 
casting  aside  his  hat,  dived  from  the  bank  like  atl 
otten 

Unfortunately  the  Water  at  the  place  indicated 
by  Bug  Was  only  aboltt  two  feet  deep,  and  When 
Plilpy  struck  his  body  seemed  to  shut  like  an  aC-^ 
cordion^  while  his  legs  apparently  flew  in  every 
direction,  and  when  he  arose  his  head  was  plas- 
tered with  slime,  mud,  pickerel  weed  and  water 
snails,  while  his  state  of  mind  was  not  improved  at 
the  unbounded  merriment  of  his  friends. 

After  he  had  Washed  off  the  coating  of  mud  he 
waded  ashore  and  retired  to  the  forest  primeval 
to  remove  and  wring  out  his  garments  and  re- 
habilitate himselfj  while  his  companion  in  misfor- 
tunej  accompanied  by  one  of  the  young  ladies,  to 
soften  the  maternal  Wrath  and  secure  her  return, 
sloppily  trailed  homeward,  whence  they  triumph- 
antly returned  after  about  all  hour's  absence. 

During  their  absettce  the  fire  had  been  kindled, 
the  cloth  laid  with  an  enticing  supply  of  provi- 
sions.   There  was  a  certain  similarity  in  the  con- 

150 


REAL    BOYS 

tributions,  however,  while  the  lass  from  Town  Hill 
contributed  apple  tarts  and  pickles,  the  girl  from 
Spring  Street  furnished  gooseberry  tarts  and 
picklelilly,  while  the  diminutive  lady  from  Front 
Street  produced  cranberry  turnovers,  Astrachan 
apples,  and  jumbles,  and  the  Court  Street  repre- 
sentatives disclosed  cream  pie,  seed  cakes,  and 
green  gage  jam  sandwiches.  Lemonade  and  cur- 
rant shrub  furnished  the  liquid  part  of  the  enter- 
tainment, to  which  they  applied  themselves  with 
the  appetites  of  youth,  all  present  consnmipg  vast 
quantities  of  semi-solids  and  liquids,  although  the 
ladies  protested  thv  they  could  not  eat  a  mouth- 
ful, their  nerves  having  been  so  upset  by  the 
thrilling  rescue  of  the  imperilled. 

After  dinner,  in  response  to  invitations  of  the 
gentlemen,  the  Sisters  from  Court  Street  sang  that 
cheerful  ditty  "  The  Gypsy's  Warning,"  nearly  re- 
ducing the  company  to  tears  by  their  lugubrious 
rendering  of  those  pregnant  words: — 

"  Lady,  in  that  green  grave  yonder-r-r-r-r 
Lies  the  Gypsy's  only  che-e-e-e-e-ild." 

This  was  followed  by  another  duet  in  thirds  by 
the    young    ladies    from    Court    Street,    entitled 

151 


REAL    BOYS 

"  Now  I  Lay  Me  Down  to  Sleep,"  evidently  in- 
tended as  a  hit  at  Fatty,  who,  crouched  up  against 
a  tree,  was  apparently  developing  somnolent  ten- 
dencies to  a  marked  degree. 

Indeed  the  entire  company  gradually  became 
very  quiet.  Suddenly  Fatty,  upon  whose  brow 
beads  of  cold  perspiration  had  started,  and  whose 
complexion  had  suddenly  taken  on  a  most  un- 
healthy greenish  hue,  feigned  a  desire  to  see  if  he 
could  find  a  squirrel's  nest,  and  bolted  for  a  clump 
of  dwarf  cedars,  from  the  depths  of  which  shortly 
arose  hideous  sounds  of  distress. 

Now  whether  from  that  spirit  of  imitation  that 
is  pronounced  so  flattering  to  its  object,  or  from 
other  reasons  of  a  purely  physical  nature,  several 
members  of  the  party  were  taken  violently  ill  and 
groaned  dismally,  to  the  great  dismay  and  terror 
of  their  companions. 

But  their  illness  was  of  short  duration,  for  a 
sudden  crackling  of  flames  and  clouds  of  pungent 
smoke  arose  and  smote  their  childish  hearts  with 
terror.  During  the  concert  the  fire  had  crept  un- 
noticed to  the  edge  of  the  underbrush,  and  now 
gathering  force  from  the  sun-dried  brush  was 
rapidly  making  for  the  large  timber.     In  an  in- 

152 


REAL    BOYS 

slant  sickness  was  forgotten,  and  all  hands  became 
heroic,  desperate  fire-fighters. 

With  pails,  pitchers,  tin  cans  and  bailing  dip- 
per, a  bucket-line  to  the  river  was  formed,  while 
some  beat  the  flames  with  hemlock  boughs,  and 
others  drenched  the  ground.  The  flames  roared 
at  them,  scorched  their  faces  and  singed  their 
shoes,  yet  they  fought  on  despairingly,  conscious 
that  an  awful  forest  fire  would  ensue  should  the 
fire  get  to  the  belt  of  thick  trees. 

And  now  there  was  a  sound  of  trampling  hoofs, 
and  from  far  down  the  Eddy  path  came  old  Chub, 
with  ears  laid  back  and  outstretched  neck,  while 
erect  in  the  long  wagon,  with  shirt  thrown  open, 
and  snow-white  hair  and  beard  flying  in  the  wind, 
stood  a  magnificent  figure,  old  Edward  Giddings, 
the  Superintendent  of  the  farm,  urging  on  the  old 
horse  with  hoarse  shouts,  while  clinging  to  the 
swaying  wagon  were  his  men,  Gilroy,  Flanagan, 
and  Elliot. 

Oh,  it  was  a  grand  sight  to  see  the  horse  with 
great  bounds  sweep  around  into  the  clearing,  the 
wagon  careering  on  two  wheels  and  the  erect  fig- 
ure balancing  like  a  centaur,  and  a  fine  sight  to 
see  those  seasoned  fighters  charge  the  common 
enemy.     Even  then  it  was  a  hard  fight,  and  not 

»53 


REAL    BOYS 

until  all  hands  were  nearly  exhausted  was  the  dan- 
ger over. 

And  now  behold   our   children,   children  now, 
with  all  their  airs  and  graces  forgotten,  children 


r.iV..an.u<aA' 


with  downcast,  hot  faces  and  tearful  eyes,  standing 
before  their  grim  judge  to  hear  their  fate. 

As  the  stern  old  man  looked  them  over  a  quiet 
twinkle  appeared  in  his  shrewd,  gray  eyes  and  he 

tS4 


REAL    BOYS 

grimly  muttered :  "  Waal,  yer  plucky  youngsters, 
anyway,  but  don't  ye — don't  ye  ever  kindle  an- 
other fire  in  these  woods  agin  as  long  as  ye  live." 

And  it  was  this  same  stern  old  man  who  lifted 
the  tired  girls  tenderly  into  the  wagon  and  bade 
the  boys  "  pile  in,"  and  who  carried  them  to  their 
homes;  and  it  was  his  kindly  words  that  reassured 
their  parents  and  brought  them  praise  instead  of 
blame  in  the  home  circle. 

Indeed,  to  quote  from  the  old  school  reader,  but 
for  him  "  Many  a  rod,  I  grieve  to  say,  was  put  in 
use  oh  that  unlucky  night." 


CHAPTER  15 

THE   COUNTY   FAIR 

"  Some  boyish  vision  of  his  Eastern  village, 
Of  uneventful  toil, 
Where  golden  harvests  followed  quiet  tillage 
Above  a  quiet  soil." 

— Bret  Harte. 

One  of  the  events  that  with  each  returning  fall 
threw  the  town  into  violent  commotion,  banished 
business,  and  promoted  a  willy-nilly  interchange 
of  ideas  between  the  town  as  a  temporary  metrop- 
olis and  the  neighboring  towns  as  suburban  at- 
tachments, was  the  County  Fair. 

The  promoters  of  this  gigantic  enterprise  were 
men  of  great  adroitness  and  ingenuity.  The  clos- 
ing of  the  schools  during  the  three  days  of  the 
Fair  was  brought  about  by  the  ingenious  expe- 
dient of  placing  the  entire  School  Committee  upon 
the  board  of  judges  for  the  various  horticultural 
exhibits.  In  a  similar  manner  a  vacation  for  the 
mill  and  machine  shop  employees  was  achieved 
by   drafting   the   superintendents   and   proprietors 

156 


REAL    BOYS 


thereof  upon  the  slaff  of  tlic  chief  marshal,  wliich 
opportunity,  as  it  enabled  these  gentlemen  to  ap- 


pear  in  public  astride  of  mettlesome  chargers,  and 
resplendent  in  crimson  sashes,  yellow  gauntlets, 

157 


REAL    BOYS 

and  little  round  rulers  covered  with  gold  paper 
and  adorned  with  blue  silk  ribbons,  was  not  to  be 
neglected. 

What  wonder  that  the  idea  of  having  a  Fair  of 
his  own  should  suddenly  occur  to  the  fertile  mind 


of  Beany,  as  he  sat  idly  drumming  his  heel§  on  the 
fence  iii  front  of  his  house? 

The  inspiration  struck  him  so  suddenly  that  he 
nearly  fell  off  the  fence  backward,  but  recovered 
himself  in  time  to  jump  to  the  sidewalk  and  rush 
over  to  Plupy's,  to  whom,  after  many  injunctions 
to  strict  secrecy,  and  many  a  "  Hope  to  die  "  and 

158 


REAL    BOYS 

"  Cross  itiy  throat "  on  his  part,  he  entrusted  the 
momentous  secret. 

Now  what  could  have  been  more  tlatural  than 
that  PlUpy,  feeHng  his  shoulders  Unfitted  to  bear 
so  heavy  a  load  of  secrecy,  and  desirous  of  sharing 
the  bUfdeii  with  some  cotnrade,  on  the  principle 
that  two  Could  keep  a  secret  better  than  one, 
should  impart  that  secfet  to  PeWt,  or  that  Pewt,  in 
turn  finding  the  secret  utieasy  oti  his  soul,  should 
communicate  it  to  Puzzy,  who  should  promptly 
call  in  the  aid  of  Bug  and  Whack  to  help  keep  it 
from  escaping. 

And  so  when  a  council  waS  called  by  Beany  the 
next  day,  he  was  hUgely  disgusted  Upon  finding 
that  the  secret  had  escaped,  especially  as  most  of 
those  bidden  to  the  council  declared  that  they  had 
thought  of  that  long  ago. 

However,  the  idea  was  certainly  popular  and  ap- 
pealed strongly  to  their  fancies,  and  the  conference 
was  long,  and,  for  them,  remarkably  hafttlonioUs. 
It  was  decided  to  hold  the  Fair  after  one  Week's 
preparation,  in  the  Spacious  grounds  on  the  east 
side  of  Fatty's  hoUse.  As  there  Was  a  fine  gravel 
Walk  running  around  these  grounds,  no  better 
place  fot  a  race  track  could  be  found. 

Fattjf  Was  immediately  elected  judge  of  the 
159 


REAL    BOYS 

races,  starter  and  time-keeper,  and  Dany,  conduc- 
tor of  the  band,  which  was  disappointing  to  Plupy, 
who  was  consoled  by  being  asked  to  play  first 
E-flat  cornet,  that  is,  a  tin  tunnel  through  which 
he  was  to  ta-ta  and  tu-tu  viva  voce.  Tomtit,  Ar- 
thur French,  Jack  Melvin  and  Skinny  Bruce  were 
entered  in  the  races  as  Empress,  Nelly  Locke, 
Regulator  and  Old  Sheepskin,  Beany,  Pewt, 
Micky  Hickey  and  Nipper  Brown  were  named  as 
drivers  in  the  races.  Whack  was  the  official  an- 
nouncer; Bug  the  Superintendent  of  the  stock 
entries;  Doc  and  Parson  judges  of  horticultural 
exhibits;  Cawcaw,  Pile  and  Dutchy,  committee  on 
premiums  and  respectively  second  whistle  and  first 
and  second  horns  in  the  band.  Pile  was  to  im- 
personate the  Wild  Man  of  Borneo  in  the  side 
show  and  in  the  procession ;  Skinny  Bruce  was  to 
superintend  the  poultry  exhibit ;  and  other  assign- 
ments were  made  to  the  great  satisfaction  of  the 
participants. 

That  afternoon  and  the  next  day  were  devoted 
to  preparing  the  grounds  and  race  track.  The 
second  day  was  rainy  and  the  grand  stand  was  built 
in  the  barn.  Great  pains  were  taken  in  its  con- 
struction, and  such  a  solid  structure  was  built  that, 

when  completed,  it  was  found  to  be  so  heavy  that 

1 60 


REAL    BOYS 

the  united  efforts  of  the  stockholders,  aided  1)y  the 
mature  muscles  of  Pat  (jilroy  and  the  other  farm 
hands,  failed  to  budge  it. 

This  occasioned  great  disgust  and  some  recrimi- 
nation, until  Potter  suggested  a  practical  solu- 
tion of  the  difficulty  in  taking  it  apart,  transferring 
it  to  the  Fair  grounds,  and  putting  it  together 
again,  which  was  accomplished  after  prodigious 
labor. 

On  the  third  day  a  large  cage  for  the  Wild  Man 
of  Borneo  was  constructed  of  a  crockery  crate, 
and  smaller  cages  built  for  poultry  and  pet  stock. 
Some  temporary  disappointment  was  occasioned 
when  it  became  known  that  Pile's  father,  the  Hon- 
orable Alva  Wood,  had  forbidden  his  son  to  play 
the  role  of  Wild  Man ;  but  this  disappeared  when 
it  was  found  that  Skinny  Bruce,  who  at  once  vol- 
unteered to  substitute,  could  howl  louder  and 
make  noises  of  a  more  hideous  nature  than  Pile. 
Considerable  persuasion  had  been  brought  to  bear 
on  Plupy  to  induce  him  to  impersonate  the  Living 
Skeleton,  for  which  he  was  eminently  fitted,  but 
he  firmly  declined. 

A  small  tent  had  been  erected  for  the  horti- 
cultural   exhibits,    which    were    of    an    extremely 

varied  assortment,  consisting  of  currants,  Astra- 
II  i6i 


REAL    BOYS 

chan  and  Porter  apples,  cucumbers  and  tomatoes. 
With  the  promise  of  a  bright  day,  many  exhibits, 
and  good  racing  on  the  morrow,  the  boys  went  tQ 
bed  in  a  great  state  of  expectancy,  which,  as  their 
labors  for  the  week  had  been  excessive,  did  not 
prevent  them  from  falHng  asleep  at  once. 

The  next  day  was  clear  and  cool,  a  perfect  day. 
The  exhibitors  were  early  at  the  grounds  making 
the  final  arrangements.  Against  the  fence,  and 
beyond  the  track,  were  the  exhibits.  Plupy  ex- 
hibited Rocky  ]\Iountain  fowl  and  Seabright  Ban- 
tams; Tomtit,  Bolton  Grays;  Pheby  Ta3ior,  Co- 
chin Chinas.  Potter  exhibited  a  reall}-  fine  col- 
lection of  birds'  eggs,  butterflies,  and  a  large 
aquarium  of  fresh  water  fishes.  Fatty  had  with 
much  difficulty  persuaded  Mr.  Giddings  to  let  him 
take  a  three  weeks'  old  calf  for  an  exhibit  and  had 
securely  anchored  him  to  an  apple  tree. 

On  arriving  somewhat  late  at  the  Fair  grounds, 

Pheby  found  his  Cochin  China  rooster  in  a  much 

damaged  condition,  as  several  of  the  boys,  urged 

thereto  by  the  experienced   Plupy,   had   made   a 

competitive  test  of  the  relative  merits  of  that  bird 

and  Plupy's  old  Rocky  Mountain,  in  which  the 

Cochin  was  badly  worsted. 

The  attendance  was  gratifying,  even  in  view  of 
162 


REAL   BOYS 

the  low  price  of  tickets,  which  had  been  placed  at 
one  cent.  Several  of  the  visitors  refused  change 
for  ten  cent  scrips,  and  two  gentlemen,  Judge 
William  W.  Stickney  and  the  Honorable  Amos 
Tuck,  who  stopped  on  their  way  down  town,  not 
only  warmly  recommended  the  exhibition,  but  do- 
nated each  a  crisp  new  twenty-five  cent  note  to  the 
treasury. 

In  his  stout  cage  in  a  prominent  part  of  the 
grounds,  the  Wild  Man  of  Borneo,  with  a  sheep- 
skin thrown  around  him,  grinned,  chattered,  and 
raised  horrid  shrieks  to  heaven,  to  such  an  extent 
that  little  Willie  Chadwick,  who  came  under  the 
protection  of  his  three  brothers,  was  frightened 
nearly  to  death,  and  was  taken  home  in  a  state  of 
mind  impossible  to  describe. 

At  ten  o'clock  the  races  were  called,  and  Fatty, 
accompanied  by  the  Clerk  of  the  Course,  Doc,  and 
the  Treasurer,  Parson,  ascended  the  judges'  stand, 
and  rang  vigorously  upon  an  old  dinner  bell. 
While  the  horses  were  being  brought  up,  the  band 
struck  into  the  Wood-up  Quicksteps,  to  the  great 
delight  of  the  youngsters,  and  the  equally  great 
amusement  of  the  adults  present. 

The  first  race  was  between  Regulator  (Tomtit, 

with  his  trousers  rolled  up  to  his  knees),  and  Em- 

163 


REAL    BOYS 

press  (Jack  Melville,  similarly'  attired).  Regula- 
tor was  driven  by  Nipper,  while  Micky  Hickey 
held  the  lines  over  the  mettlesome  Empress. 
After  scoring  a  few  times  they  got  away  on  even 
terms,  Empress  having  the  pole.  Around  the  first 
turn  the  pace  was  very  fast,  but  just  before  they 
reached  the  wire  an  accident  happened  to  the  Em- 
press' sulky,  and  her  driver  was  thrown  and 
dragged  some  distance,  his  w^eight  so  retarding 
Empress'  speed,  that  she  came  under  the  wire  fully 
two  lengths  behind  the  black  horse. 

Micky  at  once  claimed  a  foul  and  the  race,  but 
he  was  called  before  the  judges  and  fined  two  cents 
for  pulling  his  horse,  and  a  new  driver  was  put  in 
his  place,  upon  which  he  stumped  the  judges  to 
come  down  and  intimated  a  willingness  to  "  paste 
time  out  of  them." 

Before  the  next  race  was  called,  the  Official  An- 
nouncer drew  attention  to  the  fact  that  Seenyor 
Plupilo  Shuto  would  play  that  world-renowned 
composition  "  Departed  Days "  upon  the  key 
bugle. 

This  announcement  was  greeted  with  great  ap- 
plause, and  that  virtuoso  modestly  arose,  feeling 

the  eyes  of  the  world  upon  him,  and  placing  his  in- 

164 


REAL    BOYS 

strument  to  his  lips,  launched  forth  into  that  de- 
lightful morccau  in  true  artistic  style. 

Now  there  was  a  certain  ripe,  yellow  cucumber 
that  had  up  to  that  precise  moment  peacefully  and 
quietly  reposed  in  a  fold  of  Bug's  jumper,  await- 
ing some  suitable  opportunity  when  it  could  be 
properly  introduced  into  society.  To  Bug  it 
seemed  that  the  proper  moment  had  arrived,  and 
just  as  Plupy  was  performing  a  most  difficult  ca- 
denza, with  eyes  rapturously  closed,  and  with 
much  in-drawing  and  out-puffing  of  cheeks,  Bug 
launched  the  juicy  missile.  Straight  as  an  arrow 
it  flew  to  its  mark,  and  striking  full  in  the  bell  of 
the  instrument,  drove  several  inches  of  the  mouth- 
piece into  the  performer's  mouth,  and  deposited 
about  a  gill  of  juice  and  a  few  dozen  seeds  in  that 
gentleman's  bronchial  tubes,  with  immediate  and 
astonishing  results.  Throwing  aside  his  instru- 
ment, poor  Plupy,  with  wide  open  mouth  and  dis- 
tended eyes,  alternately  bent  himself  double  and 
straightened  himself  out,  while  he  coughed, 
whooped,  and  strangled  in  his  spasmodic  efforts 
to  repel  boarders.  After  he  was  pounded  on  the 
back  by  the  sympathizing  bandmen  the  foreign 
elements  were  expelled  from  his  system,  quiet  was 
restored,  and  the  second  race  was  called. 

165 


REAL    BOYS 

This  occasioned  the  appearance  of  the  Wild  Man 
of  Borneo,  who  now  entered  the  track  as  Old 
Sheepskin  with  Pewt  up,  while  Nelly  Locke  with 
Beany  up  made  a  preliminary  circuit  of  the  track 
for  a  warming  up  heat.  On  the  last  quarter 
Sheepskin's  driver,  to  avoid  being  distanced,  used 
the  whip  freely  on  Sheepskin,  who  stopped,  smote 
his  driver  on  the  ear,  and  called  him  names. 

The  next  and  last  race  was  the  most  exciting  of 
the  day.  Tomtit  and  Arthur  French  were  easily 
the  fastest  runners  of  the  boys,  and  the  horses  they 
represented  were  famous  racers  of  the  local  track, 
and  dear  to  the  heart  of  every  boy  in  the  town. 

On  the  stretch  the  prettiest  race  of  the  day  oc- 
curred. Without  a  break  or  skip  Empress  went 
like  a  bullet,  while  inch  by  inch  and  foot  by  foot 
her  white  rival  steadily  wore  down  her  lead,  until 
they  flashed  under  the  wire  with  the  white  flyer  a 
short  head  to  the  good. 

The  finish  was  so  close  that  the  decision  of  the 
judges  was  doubted  by  some,  and  so  indignant  was 
Empress  that  she  declared  that  not  only  could  she 
beat  her  rival  but  she  could  lick  him  in  two  min- 
utes, which  she  was  only  prevented  from  doing  by 
the  presence  of  ladies. 

In  order  that  there  might  be  no  decline  of  in- 
i66 


REAL    BOYS 

terest  in  the  succession  of  events,  the  boys,  with 
the  spirit  of  true  showmen,  had  reserved  the  most 
exciting  event  to  the  last.  There  were,  moreover, 
other  reasons  for  its  position  on  the  Hst  of  events. 
At  five  o'clock  each  afternoon  Fatty's  adult  rela- 
tives rode  in  the  family  carriage  and  remained 
away  until  six. 

It  was  natural  therefore  for  Fatty  and  his  cro- 
nies to  perpetrate  all  especially  mischievous  or 
hazardous  undertakings  during  their  absence,  and 
it  was  wisely  concluded  that  this  particular  event, 
which  was  heralded  by  the  Official  Announcer  as 
"  The  most  terrific  and  blood-curdling  event  of 
the  day,  a  fearful  battle  between  the  Wild  Man  of 
Borneo  and  a  fierce  and  untamable  bull,"  might 
have  received  a  stern  and  authoritative  veto. 

As  soon  as  the  announcement  was  made,  most 
of  the  young  ladies  climbed  to  places  of  vantage 
and  safety,  while  the  boys,  with  a  fine  and  ostenta- 
tious disregard  of  danger,  which  lent  added  inter- 
est in  the  eyes  of  the  young  ladies,  strolled  into  the 
open  space  surrounding  the  post  to  which  the  bull 
was  to  be  tied. 

Fatty,  who  had  frequently  fed  this  animal  with 

carrots,  now  came  leading  him  from  the  barn,  a 

fine  black  cross-bred  yearling,  with  short  horns 

167 


REAL    BOYS 

just  peeping  out  of  his  curling  front.  From  oc- 
casional persecutions  he  had  become  rather  vicious 
and  now  blew  his  breath  out  sharply  and  swung 
his  head  outward  and  upwards,  while  Fatty,  hastily 
throwing  the  last  carrot  before  his  nose,  tied  him 
firmly  and  quickly  got  out  of  reach. 

And  now  the  Wild  Man  of  Borneo,  holding  a 
short  blunt  wooden  spear  in  his  firm  and  freckled 
right  hand,  chattering  his  teeth,  rolling  his  eyes, 
shrieking  discordant  gibberish  while  he  bent  his 
body  and  danced  a  grotesque  war  dance,  slowly 
approached  the  bull  and  waved  a  bright  red  petti- 
coat that  Fatty  had  removed  from  the  line  contain- 
ing the  family  washing. 

The  bull  was  eager  to  take  up  the  challenge, 
and  lowering  his  head,  and  stiffening  his  tail,  made 
a  bellowing  rush  at  the  Wild  Man,  only  to  receive 
full  in  his  thick  forehead  the  spear,  which  bounced 
back  out  of  reach  as  he  was  brought  up  short  by 
the  rope.  Twice  again  did  he  rush  at  his  gibbering 
tormentor  and  twice  did  he  receive  a  resounding 
thump  with  the  spear,  while  the  \\''ild  Man  fairly 
outdid  himself  in  the  variety  and  hideousness  of 
his  howls.  The  third  time  the  spear  dropped  in- 
side the  dead-line,  and  the  Wild  Man,  fitting  an 

arrow  to  the  thong  of  a  short  bow,  sent  it  whizzing 

i68 


REAL    BOYS 

into  the  bull's  ribs.  Again  he  drew  an  arrow  to 
the  head  and  again  it  left  the  bow  with  the  twang 
of  the  thong,  but  missed  the  bull  and  struck  the 
poor  little  calf  a  cruel  blow  in  the  side,  which 
caused  it  to  utter  a  hoarse  "  blat  "  of  surprise  and 
anguish. 

"  I  am  Kebokibopugatorywhack,  the  deadly- 
spear  thrower  of  the  Flathead  Indians  of  Kam- 
schatka,  oskinna  wah  wah  wonny  kahoop,  yowk, 
waw  wow,"  shrieked  the  Wild  Man.  "  I  fear  not 
man  nor  beast,  never  have  I  turned  my  back  upon 
a  foe,  yah  wow,"  he  howled,  contorting  himself 
fearfully. 

At  this  moment  and  while  all  present  were 
speechless  with  admiration  over  the  unexpected 
excellence  of  Skinny's  impersonation,  there  was  a 
crash  of  the  barnyard  fence,  and  through  a  whirl- 
wind of  splintered  boards,  with  lowered  head  and 
tail  aloft,  old  Speckled  Face,  the  famous  fighting 
cow,  the  Queen  of  the  Upper  Road,  came  charg- 
ing to  the  rescue  of  her  calf.  Straight  toward  the 
renowned  "  Kebokibopugatorywhack,  the  deadly 
spear  thrower  of  the  Flathead  Indians  of  Kam- 
schatka,  who  never  turned  his  back  upon  a  foe," 
she  charged,  and  that  valiant  warrior,   throwing 

aside  bow,  arrows,  buffalo  robe  and  all  other  im- 

169 


REAL    BOYS 

pedimenta,  put  the  speed  of  his  fleet  arrows  to 
shame  as  he  fairly  flew  across  the  yard  and  hurled 
himself  over  the  fence,  whence  he  took  the 
straightest  possible  route  for  Tan  Lane  at  mar- 
vellous speed. 

Balked  of  her  prey,  old  Speckled  Face  rushed 
back,  fighting  mad,  but  found  none  who  dared  to 
cross  her  path.  Seeing  the  red  gleam  of  the  cam- 
bric with  which  the  exhibit  booth  was  lined,  she 
charged  through  it,  producing  an  appalling  crash 
of  cheap  crockery  and  a  shower  of  fruit  and  vege- 
tables. This  demolished,  she  turned  her  attention 
to  the  band-stand,  crowded  with  terrified  per- 
formers, who  howled  lustily  as  she  bore  down  on 
them.  What  would  have  been  the  result  had  her 
attention  not  been  distracted  is  dreadful  to  con- 
template, but  catching  sight  of  the  bull,  she  at 
once  charged  him,  and  was  met  in  the  most  valiant 
manner  head  to  head. 

The  plucky  little  animal  was,  however,  no  match 
for  the  enraged  Amazon,  and  was  rushed  back  so 
rapidly  that  his  hind  legs  sank  beneath  him  and  he 
was  forced  completely  over  upon  his  back,  when 
she  leaped  over  his  prostrate  body  and  ran  to  her 
calf,  which  she  licked  and  nozzled  in  a  most  affec- 
tionate manner,  and  with  which,  after  many  at- 

J70 


REAL    BOYS 

tempts  and  much  persuasion,  she  was  finally  led  to 
the  barn  by  that  redoubtable  but  grumbling 
worthy,  Pat  Gilroy. 

After  the  fiel(kof  battle  had  been  cleared,  and 
the  crestfallen  little  bull  had  been  led  limping  to 
his  stall,  one  and  all  were  invited  to  feast  on  the 
remains  of  the  horticultural  exhibit,  and  a  com- 
bined rush  was  made  to  the  booth,  a  rush  in  which 
the  race-horses,  judges,  time-keepers,  the  band 
and  the  living  exhibits,  led  by  the  tattooed  man 
who,  in  short  sleeves  and  undershirt,  displayed  a 
maze  of  intricate  and .  beautiful  figures  that  had 
been  imprinted  on  his  youthful  neck  and  arms  by 
that  facile  artist,  Charlie  Woodbury,  all  took  a 
vigorous  part.  In  a  few  minutes  every  edible  ves- 
tige of  that  admirable  display  of  fruit  was  swept 
away,  while  a  pitched  battle,  with  potatoes,  cu- 
cumbers and  tomatoes  as  ammunition,  engrossed 
the  attention  of  the  boys  until  every  one  bore  in- 
numerable spots,  stains  and  marks  of  the  en- 
counter. 

Upon  an  equitable  distribution  of  the  proceeds, 
each  boy  became  the  fortunate  possessor  of  eleven 
cents,  in  which  affluent  circumstances  they  joyfully 
hied  them  to  their  several  abodes,  deeming  the  fu- 
ture secure  indeed. 

171 


CHAPTER  i6 

"An  ambling  palfrey,  when  at  need 
Him  listed  ease  his  battle-steed." 

— Scott's  "  Marmion." 

Fatty's  ambition  in  life  was  to  seek  military 
glory,  and  miltary  glory  as  he  viewed  it  was  im- 
possible to  consider  apart  from  horsemanship. 
This  argued  a  sincere  love  of  a  horse,  which  in 
truth  was  one  of  the  strongest  traits  in  his  nature. 

Plupy  had  no  love  or  desire  for  a  martial  life, 
except  such  part  as  pertained  exclusively  to  the 
manipulation  of  military  band  instruments.  He 
had  an  intense  love  for  music,  and  would  at  every 
opportunity,  and  forsaking  all  other  pleasures, 
cleave  unto  a  brass  band  until  dragged  therefrom 
by  an  irate  parent. 

Perhaps  next  to  his  delight  in  music  was  his 
longing  for  a  horse  of  his  own.  For  a  few  delight- 
ful and  never-to-be-forgotten  months  he  had  pos- 
sessed a  small  and  spavined  animal,  a  purchase  of 
his  father,  but  as  it  shortly  became,  if  possible, 

more  halting  in  gait  and  more  depressed  in  appear- 

172 


REAL    BOYS 

ance,  the  old  gentleman,  with  the  rare  judgment 
that  characterized  him,  traded  the  animal  off  for  a 
line-backed  cow,  of  great  age  and  exceeding  use- 
lessness. 

As  for  Beany,  his  whole  existence,  apart  from 
mischief,  ringing  doorbells,  playing  tit-tat-too  on 
neighbor's  windows,  and  raising  particular  Cain 
at  all  hours,  was  wrapped  up  in  horses.  Such  leis- 
ure as  he  spared  from  his  other  pursuits  was  spent 
in  riding  on  coaches,  leading  stable  horses  to 
water,  and  performing  other  offices  of  a  menial 
nature,  in  return  for  an  occasional  chance  of  riding 
or  driving  a  horse. 

Fatty  of  course  could  get  old  Chub  for  an  out- 
ing, but  that  animal's  engagements  on  the  farm 
and  in  the  family  carriage  w^ere  so  numerous  and 
engrossing,  that  Fatty's  opportunities  seemed  to 
him  woefully  infrequent. 

It  chanced  that  one  Nat  Mason,  a  semi-itinerant 
gentleman  of  the  ne'er-do-well  but  inoffensive 
class,  owned  a  particularly  sorry  looking  white 
mare  that  had  for  many  years  defied  the  old  gentle- 
man with  the  beard,  the  scythe,  and  the  insuffi- 
cient attire. 

Anything  more  impressive  as  an  equine  ruin 
than  Lady  Clara — such  was  her  name — was  sel- 

173 


(REAL!  BOYS 

ilom  if  ever  seen.  She  was  ewe-necked,  cow- 
bellied,  and  sway-backed;  she  had  no  foretop,  and 
her  mane  was  reduced  to  an  unsightly  wisp;  her 
tail,  once  a  fashionable  bob,  was  hairless  and  ratty; 
she  was  gaunt  to  emaciation,  and  abounded  in 
splints,  quarter  cracks,  windpuffs,  and  bone  spav- 
ins.   She  was  indeed  picturesque. 

In  addition  to  Lady  Clara,  a  cur  dog,  and  the 
tottering  wreck  of  a  dish-wheeled  wagon,  Nat  pos- 
sessed a  large  wen  on  the  back  of  his  neck,  which 
he  affirmed  had  the  sustaining  quahties  peculiar  to 
the  camel's  hump.  He  also  laid  claim  to  a  thirst 
for  ardent  spirits  to  an  immoderate  degree. 

In  some  way  it  became  known  to  Beany  that 
Nat  would  be  willing  to  part  with  Lady  Clara  for 
the  inconsiderable  sum  of  two  dollars  and  fifty 
cents,  which,  considering  the  fact  that  there  was 
and  could  be  but  one  Lady  Clara,  was  a  modest 
sum  indeed. 

Beany  communicated  this  to  Plupy,  and  after 
viewing  the  matter  in  all  possible  lights,  they  de- 
cided that  Fatty  would  be  more  likely  to  be  able  to 
raise  this  sum  than  any  of  their  acquaintances. 

They  were  reluctant  to  make  the  undertaking  a 
joint  stock  corporation,  but  wisely  preferred  a  lim- 
ited partnership,  which  promised  more  and  in- 

174 


REAL    BOYS 

dividual  opportunities  to  use  the  assets,  that  is  to 
say,  Lady  Clara  and  the  dish-wheeled  wagon. 

To  their  chagrin  they  found  Fatty  in  an  exceed- 
ingly bankrupt  condition,  owing  to  lavish  indul- 
gence in  jujube  paste  and  Jessup's  Candy,  but,  with 
the  optimism  that  characterized  him,  anxious  to 
pursue  the  fascinating  possibility  of  horse  owner- 
ship. 

Several  meetings  were  held  between  the  owner 
of  Lady  Clara  and  the  would-be  purchaser,  in 
which  the  utmost  diplomacy  was  unavailing  to  ob- 
tain credit.  At  last,  however,  the  following  agree- 
ment was  entered  into.  Lady  Clara,  wagon,  and 
harness  were  to  be  delivered  to  the  boys  upon  the 
receipt  of  the  following  goods  and  chattels,  to  wit : 
Beany's  six-bladed  knife,  dear  to  his  heart;  Plupy's 
sawed-ofif  musket,  and  Fatty's  silver  pencil  case. 
These  articles  were  to  be  held  by  Nat  as  security 
for  the  payment  of  five  dollars  within  one  calendar 
month  from  the  date  of  the  exchange  of  commod- 
ities, on  penalty  of  forfeiture. 

On  the  evening  of  the  same  day  the  boys  bolted 
their  suppers  with  unusual  haste  and  ran  all  the 
way  to  Nat's  shanty,  nearly  a  mile  from  town. 
They  had  arranged  with  old  Jethro  Simpson,  who 
lived  on  Hall  Place  and  was  known  to  be  the 

175 


REAL    BOYS 

meanest  man  in  town,  to  board  Lady  Clara  in  ex- 
change for  certain  labor  to  be  performed  by  them. 

When  they  reached  Nat's  modest  dwelling  they 
found  that  gentleman  placidly  smoking  in  the 
simple  room  of  his  castle,  from  which,  after  crit- 
ically examining  the  articles  brought  by  the  boys, 
he  proceeded  to  the  ramshackle  stable.  Some  an- 
noyance was  manifested  by  him  upon  finding  Lady 
Clara  reposing  on  her  side  in  her  stall,  and  when 
after  repeated  kicks  and  jabs  with  a  stick  she  still 
refused  to  rise,  he  became  very  profane  in  his  re- 
marks. 

This  having  no  effect,  he  deliberately  climbed 
over  her,  raised  her  head  until  her  nose  projected 
over  the  edge  of  the  manger,  climbed  back,  and  by 
loud  yells  and  sharp  cuts  with  the  whip  so  stim- 
ulated her  that  she  floundered  and  struggled  until, 
aided  by  the  leverage  of  her  nose  in  the  manger, 
she  managed  to  scramble  to  her  feet. 

"  Thar,  blast  yer  hide,"  he  grumbled,  "  that 
thar'll  larn  ye  not  to  lay  down  agin,  not  fer  a  spell. 
She  don't  a'most  never  lay  down.  Some  o'  the 
best  on  'em  never  do,"  he  continued,  eyeing  the 
boys  as  he  rubbed  his  gnarled  hand  over  his  bristly 
chin.  "Thar  was  Flory  Temple;  she  never  did 
but  onct  or  twict,  'en  they  du  say  Dexter  'n  Flyin* 

176 


REAL    BOYS 

Dutchman  never  did,  'n  ez  fer  Regilater,  'n  Nelly 
Lock,  'n  Empress,  they  don't  none  of  'em  more'n 
onct  a  month." 

"  How  old  is  she,  Mr.  Mason?  "  queried  Beany, 
patting  her  on  the  neck. 

"  Waal,  boy,  now  ye've  got  me,"  drawled  the 
old  man.  Fi-sh'd  tell  ye  she  wan't  more'n  eight, 
I  sh'd  be  shore  lying  to  ye,  but  my  'pinion,  mind 
ye,  's  only  my  'pinion,  she'll  never  see  twelve  agin, 
but  she's  good  fer  thutty." 

*'  Can  she  go  any?  "  asked  Plupy. 

"Go?  can  she  go?"  he  reiterated  scornfully. 
"  Git  her  waked  up,  'n  ther  hain't  any  hoss  in 
Exeter  that  kin  head  her  fer  a  half  mile.  Long 
'go's  Hirum  Woodruff  druv  her  agin  'Merican  Gal 
she  putty  nigh  tuk  fust  money." 

"  Le's  see  ye  make  her  go,"  urged  Fatty. 

"  I'll  show  ye,"  boastfully  replied  the  old  man,  as 
he  threw  the  crazy  old  harness  over  her  back,  tied 
and  buckled  it  around  her  gaunt  ribs,  and  backed 
her  between  the  shafts  of  the  rickety  wagon. 

Then  he  mounted  to  the  driver's  seat  and  leaned 

very  far  forward  as  he  started  the  venerable  trotter 

up  the  road,  while  the  boys,  perched  on  the  old 

stone  wall,  impatiently  awaited  his  return. 

In  a  few  minutes  back  he  came.  Lady  Clara, 
12  177 


REAL   BOYS 

urged  on  by  whip  and  voice,  doing  her  best  and 
displaying  a  combination  of  gaits  never  before 
seen,  heard  of,  or  imagined.  But  she  could  go,  and 
that  v^as  enough  for  the  boys. 

As  the  old  man  pulled  up  and  dismounted,  Lady 
Clara  stood  with  outstretched  neck  and  with  flanks 
heaving  in  spasmodic  jerks. 

"  What's  she  breathe  that  way  for?  "  demanded 
Fatty,  looking  dubiously  at  her  jerking  ribs. 

"  That  thar's  hickups,  boy,  hickups.  Don't  ye 
ever  hev  hickups  when  ye  hev  yer  dinner  and  go 
out  'n  run  fast?  Course  ye  hev.  Ye  see  trotters 
is  more  Hke  to  hev  it  cause  they  kin  eat  more'n 
go  faster  than  common  onery  plug  bosses.  Lady 
Clara  thar's  a  little  gi'n  to  hickups,  but  if  ye  wet 
her  grain  'n  fodder,  she  won't  trouble  ye  none  to 
speak  of." 

Thus  encouraged,  and  Lady  Clara's  gasps  be- 
coming less  stertorous  and  her  heaving  sides  grad- 
ually subsiding,  the  boys  in  great  glee  climbed 
into  the  wagon,  their  wagon,  clucked  and  chir- 
rupped  to  Lady  Clara,  and  proceeded  at  a  peaceful 
amble  townwards. 

They  found  the  harness  defective  in  some  par- 
ticulars, not  the  least  of  which  was  the  extreme 

shortness  of  the  reins,  which  compelled  any  driver 

178 


REAL    BOYS 

not  endowed  with  arms  like  an  orang-outang  to 
stand  up  while  driving,  which,  as  it  gave  extraor- 
dinary prominence  to  the  driver,  was  regarded  by 
the  boys  in  the  light  of  an  unexpected  merit. 

Carefully  avoiding  Front  and  Court  Streets, 
they  crossed  by  the  way  of  Winter  Street,  up 
Spring  Street,  to  avoid  the  brightly  lighted  Water 
Street,  through  Bow  and  Clifford  Streets,  across 
Great  Bridge,  and  arrived  at  Hall  Place  after  fre- 
quent and  clamorous  changes  of  drivers,  and  with 
no  mishaps  beyond  many  abrupt  stops  on  the  part 
of  Lady  Clara  which  rendered  the  foothold  of  the 
driver  precarious  in  the  extreme. 

Old  Jethro  was  expecting  them  and  showed 
them  where  to  put  their  beast,  and  when  they  had 
taken  turns  in  rubbing  down  that  ancient  charger 
with  a  discarded  curry-comb  that  Fatty  had  res- 
cued from  the  ash  heap,  they  carefully  wet  down 
the  scanty  supply  of  hay  doled  out  to  her  by  the 
mean  old  man,  and  the  generous  supply  of  grain 
furnished  by  Plupy  which  had  nearly  wiped  out 
his  entire  supply  of  poultry  food,  and  hurried 
home  full  of  plans  for  the  future. 

The  next  morning  at  an  early  hour  they  re- 
turned and  again  rubbed  and  curried  and  scraped 

and  washed  their  animal,  and  then  sat  down  and 

179 


REAL    BOYS 

gloated  over  her  while  she  ate  the  grain  brought 
by  Fatty  from  the  home  granary.  This  morning 
Lady  Clara  had  no  hay,  for  the  old  man  insisted 
that  a  horse  couldn't  work  when  stuffed  full  of  hay, 
but  as  soon  as  she  had  done  her  work  she  could 
have  all  the  hay  she  could  eat. 

Breakfast  over,  they  vied  with  one  another  in 
hooking  her  into  a  rattle-cart,  in  which  they  drove 
to  the  woodlot,  accompanied  by  old  Jethro,  where 
under  his  directions  they  loaded  the  cart  with  pine 
limbs  and  cordwood,  and  drove  to  his  barn,  and 
carefully  and  neatly  piled  the  wood  into  his  shed. 

It  was  hard,  blistering,  backbreaking,  dirty 
work,  but  all  day  long  they  labored,  and  load  after 
load  they  carried  and  piled,  and  when  night  came 
the  shed  was  nearly  full  of  neatly  piled  wood,  and 
their  task  was  finished.  As  the  last  cartful  was 
Unloaded  they  gladly  started  to  unharness  the 
hungry  and  weary  animal,  when  to  their  amaze- 
ment and  unspeakable  distress  the  contemptible 
old  man  told  them  roughly  to  take  their  horse  and 
wagon  and  get  out  of  his  yard  for  he  didn't  want 
them  there  any  longer. 

"  But  you  said,"  expostulated  Fatty,  that  if  we'd 

haul  you  wood  enough  for  winter,  that  you'd  let 

1 80 


REAL    BOYS 

us  keep  our  horse  in  your  stable  all  winter  and 
give  her  hay." 

"  Don't  make  any  diffunce  what  I  said,  I  won't 
have  ye  round  here,  d'ye  hear?"  roared  the  old 
man,  blusteringly.  "  I  warn  ye  to  tek  yer  old  plug 
an'  git  outer  here,  or  I'll  tak  a  stick  to  ye." 

Sullenly  the  crestfallen  contractors  hooked  up 
and  departed.  When  at  a  safe  distance  Beany 
shouted,  "  Old  Skinflint  Simpson !  old  Skinflint 
Simpson!  see  if  we  don't  pay  ye  for  this!  " 

It  chanced  that  old  Jethro's  nearest  neighbor 
was  a  widowed  lady  of  as  generous  and  good- 
natured  disposition  as  his  was  miserly  and  crabbed, 
and  perceiving  that  she  had  a  large  shed  that 
abutted  on  his  barn,  to  her  in  their  dire  need  went 
the  three  boys.  On  hearing  their  story,  which  was 
a  rather  difficult  one  to  disentangle  from  the  tor- 
rent of  words  poured  in  by  the  three  boys  at  once, 
she  was  all  sympathy,  and  readily  placed  her  shed 
at  their  disposal,  gave  them  a  lantern  and  told 
them  to  put  Lady  Clara  in  her  shed  and  keep  her 
there  as  long  as  they  pleased. 

When  the  grateful  boys  led  Lady  Clara  into  the 

shed,  they  made  an  important  discovery.     One  of 

the  boards  of  the  shed  had  become  loose  and  had 

fallen  off,  leaving  exposed  the  back  of  old  Jethro 

i8i 


REAL   BOYS 

Simpson's  barn,  through  the  cracks  of  which  pro- 
jected wisps  of  hay,  and  within  easy  reach. 

"  Look  at  the  hay  the  mean  old  cuss  skinned  us 
out  of!  "  said  Fatty,  bitterly. 

"  Gosh,  fellers,"  said  Beany,  "  le's  see  if  we  can't 
get  some  of  it." 

"  That  would  be  stealing,"  remonstrated  Plupy. 
'  "  'Taint  neither,"  snapped  Fatty.  "  You  fellers 
know  I  wouldn't  steal  nothin'  no  quicker  'n  any- 
body else.  Of  course  apples  'n  watermelons  'n 
walnuts  is  different,  but  I  wouldn't  steal  anything 
real  any  more  'n  you  would,  Beany,  or  you,  Plupy. 
But  don't  this  hay  belong  to  us  fellers  ?  We  'greed 
ter  haul  his  wood,  didn't  we,  fellers?  And  we 
done  it,  didn't  we,  fellers?  'n  he  'greed  to  give  us 
a  boss  stall  and  plenty  of  hay,  didn't  he,  fellers  ?  " 
he  continued,  in  great  excitement  and  indignation. 
"  'N  I  say,  fellers,"  he  continued,  "  that  this  hay 
is  ourn,  and  belongs  to  us,  and  'taint  stealin'  to 
take  it." 

And  having  delivered  himself  of  this  "  Oration 
against  Verres,"  he  mopped  his  heated  brow  with 
his  hat  and  challenged  contradiction. 

But  the  house  was  with  him  to  a  man.    "  That's 

so.  Fatty,"  said  Plupy.    "  Yer  right,  Fatty,"  quoth 

i8a 


REAL    BOYS 

Beany.  "  Gosh,  won't  we  get  even  with  old  Jethro 
Skinflint ! " 

With  a  little  care  they  found  they  could  spring 
back  a  board  several  inches,  and  in  a  few  seconds 
a  bountiful  supply  of  hay  was  across  the  border 
and  in  front  of  the  almost  starving  Lady  Clara. 

Plupy  suggested  that  they  pull  out  hay  enough 
for  bedding,  but  to  this  Fatty  objected,  and  upon 
consideration  the  proposal  was  voted  down  as  in- 
consistent with  the  strict  interpretation  of  the 
agreement,  and  Lady  Clara  was  compelled  to 
couch  her  gothic  framework  upon  a  bed  of  dry 
sawdust. 

And  now  for  nearly  two  weeks  did  Lady  Clara 
lead  a  life  of  comparative  ease  and  plenty,  and  in 
a  great  measure  at  the  expense  of  old  Jethro. 
Early  each  morning  the  boys  fed,  watered,  and 
curried  her.  Every  noon  they  did  the  same,  and 
every  night  they  hitched  her  into  the  ancient 
wagon  and  explored  the  back  streets  and  distant 
highways.  As  nothing  happened  to  them,  they 
became  bolder,  and  occasionally  took  her  out  in 
the  daytime,  to  the  huge  ridicule  of  their  friends, 
none  of  whom  however  had  the  least  suspicion  of 
the  true  state  of  affairs. 

There  were,  however,  certain  drawbacks  to  their 
183 


REAL    BOYS 

complete  enjoyment  of  their  purchase.  Several 
times  Lady  Clara  lay  down,  and  the  united 
strength  and  skill  of  her  owners  were  required  to 
get  her  on  her  feet  again.  Indeed,  on  one  occasion 
they  were  utterly  unable  to  resurrect  her  in  time 
to  take  their  usual  evening  ride,  and  as  the  nine 
o'clock  curfew  pealed  forth  its  brazen  summons  to 
bed,  they  were  compelled  to  leave  the  recumbent 
Lady  Clara  to  her  meditations,  only  to  renew  the 
struggle  the  next  morning,  and  after  unheard-of 
exertions  to  succeed  m  raising  her  to  a  locomotive 
condition. 

Besides  this  little  failing  on  her  part,  she  had 
developed  a  strong  tendency  to  pull,  due  in  a  great 
measure  to  her  improvement  in  strength  and 
spirit,  and  when  warmed  up,  it  sometimes  hap- 
pened that  the  pulling  and  sawing  powers  of  the 
trio  were  put  to  severe  tests  in  bringing  her  to  a 
stop,  and  as  her  roaring  and  wheezing  when  thus 
excited  could  readily  be  heard  for  a  long  distance, 
the  boys  took  pains  not  to  unduly  excite  her. 

Then  again  the  uncertainty  of  the  required  cash 

payment  at  the  end  of  the  month,  and  the  fear  of 

losing  her  in  consequence  of  failure  to  meet  their 

financial  obligations,  worried  them  extremely. 

184 


REAL    BOYS 

One  Saturday  afternoon,  about  two  weeks  after 
their  purchase,  the  boys  started  out  for  a  ride. 
There  were  many  strangers  in  town,  strangers 
with  smug  faces,  long-tailed  coats  of  broadcloth, 
white  chokers,  and  beaver  hats  of  bell-crowned 
style  and  seedy  appearance. 

These  gentlemen  were  in  Exeter  to  attend  the 
annual,  semi-annual,  or  quarterly  meeting  of  the 
Ecclesiastical  Synod,  which  was  to  be  held  in  the 
Upper  Church,  and  inasmuch  as  great  difference 
of  opinion  had  arisen  over  the  proper  method  of 
packing  barrels  for  the  heathen,  and  whether  or 
not  dismantled  hoop-skirts  and  cast-off  fur  tippets 
constituted  the  proper  evening  dress  of  the  be- 
nighted natives  of  Zulu  and  Caffraria,  the  most 
logical  debaters  of  the  faith  flocked  in  crowds  and 
with  doctrinal  chips  on  their  shoulders  to  the  old 
white  church  in  the  Academy  Yard,  and  the  cul- 
inary ability  of  the  united  sisterhood  was  put  to 
the  most  severe  tests  in  providing  elaborate  ban- 
quets of  corned  beef  and  cabbage,  brown  bread 
and  beans,  hogs-head  cheese,  pan-dowdy,  and 
pork  scraps  for  the  worn  and  hungry  debaters  and 
their  still  more  worn  and  hungry  partisans. 

185 


CHAPTER  17. 

"  First  flew  Eumelus  on  Pheretian  steeds ; 
With  those  of  Tros  bold  Dionied  succeeds." 

A  pillar  of  the  church  was  the  Honorable  Wood- 
bridge  Odlin,  business  man,  banker,  financier,  and 
land-owner.  Energetic  in  business  affairs,  he  was 
equally  so  in  the  interests  of  the  church,  and  on 
occasions  of  this  kind  his  stately  mansion  on  the 
"  Hemlock  Side  "  of  Great  Bridge,  now,  alas,  and 
long  since  shorn  of  its  glory  and  given  up  to  the 
material  needs  of  a  factory  boarding-house,  was 
thrown  open  for  the  entertainment  of  the  most 
prominent  and  noted  of  the  visiting  divines,  and, 
it  might  be  said,  to  them  only. 

The  Honorable  Woodbridge  Odlin  had  recently 
purchased  a  magnificent  pair  of  black  horses 
which,  in  obedience  to  the  prevailing  New  York 
style,  appeared  with  docked  tails,  to  the  open- 
mouthed  admiration  of  his  less  fortunate  towns- 
men. He  had  also  purchased  a  shiny  and  re- 
splendent landau  and  a  silver-mounted   harness 

aj  ingle  with  chains  and  pendants. 

186 


REAL    BOYS 

What  wonder,  then,  that  when  it  became  known 
that  the  Rig-ht  Reverend  Eusebius  Starr  King 
Scroggins,  President  of  the  United  Society  for  the 
Relief  of  Heathen  Widows,  and  Deputy  Mission- 
ary to  the  districts  of  Bechuanaland,  Kalahari,  and 
Bahr-el  Ghasel,  Aminadale  Whitefield  Pettibone, 
Missionary  Extraordinary  to  Fashoda  Addisa- 
beba,  and  the  Reverend  Thankful  Whittaker,  Sec- 
retary of  the  United  Endeavor  to  Prevent  Sin, 
were  to  be  present,  that  the  Honorable  Wood- 
bridge  Odlin  should  deem  it  fitting  that  he  should 
meet  them  at  the  station  and  convey  them  to  the 
church  in  his  elegant  equipage! 

He  was  particularly  gratified  at  hearing  that  the 
Reverend  Thankful  Whittaker  was  to  be  present, 
for  that  energetic  and  pious  gentlemen  had  been 
instrumental  in  introducing  measures  into  the 
legislatures  of  various  States,  making  it  a  felony 
to  instigate,  aid,  abet,  or  be  present  at  any  race, 
competition,  or  contest  between  trotting,  pacing, 
or  running  horses;  and,  next  to  safe  breaking, 
burglary,  and  highway  robbery,  the  Honorable 
Woodbridge  Odlin  placed  horse  racing. 

And  so  when  the  stately  landau,  bearing  in  its 
deeply  cushioned  hold  the  portly  and  broadcloth- 

i87 


REAL    BOYS 

robed  forms  of  the  Honorable  Woodbridge  Odlin 
and  his  distinguished  visitors,  swung  majestically 
out  of  Lincoln  Street  and  alongside  the  sorry  nag 
and  the  rattling  wagon  of  our  friends,  the  mag- 
nate, possibly  fearful  of  contamination,  sTiarply 
ordered  his  driver  not  to  loiter  but  to  drive  quickly. 

This  order,  perfectly  audible  to  the  boys,  rather 
nettled  Beany,  who  was  driving,  and  he  at  once 
gave  Lady  Clara  a  resounding  crack  with  the 
splintered  stock  of  the  old  whip,  and  let  out  a  loud 
yell  of  encouragement  to  the  surprised  trotter. 

Away  went  Lady  Clara  and  away  went  the 
black  horses,  two  lengths  in  advance  and  under 
the  whip.  It  took  Lady  Clara  a  few  seconds  to 
strike  her  gait,  but  when  she  did  she  went  after 
the  flying  blacks  at  a  most  tremendous  clip.  The 
boys  yelled  like  fiends,  the  dish-wheeled  wagon 
bounced,  rattled,  and  threatened  to  come  to  pieces 
at  every  jump,  and  the  old  mare's  raucous  breath- 
ing sounded  Hke  an  up  and  down  mill-saw  going 
through  a  nail. 

People  who  were  crossing  the  street  ran  for 

their  lives,  while  an  Irishman  driving  a  coal  cart, 

seeing  the  furious  horses  bearing  down  on  him, 

whipped  his  horses  upon  the  sidewalk  and  grinned 

i88 


REAL    BOYS 

broadly  as  he  let  out  a  genuine  Irish  yell  to  en- 
courage the  flying  racers.  And  now  they  were 
neck  and  neck,  Lady  Clara  breathing  tornado-like, 
with  neck  outstretched  and  tail  standing  straight 
up  like  a  wornout  broom;  the  blacks  going  hke 
the  wind,  one  at  a  trot  the  other  at  a  gallop. 

The  boys  were  leaning  forward  and  screeching 
like  maniacs,  the  reverend  gentlemen  holding  on 
to  the  sides  of  the  landau  for  their  lives,  and  the 
Honorable  Woodbridge  Odlin,  who  had  lost  his 
hat  in  the  excitement,  purple  in  the  face  with  rage, 
and  gesticulating  violently  to  attract  the  driver's 
attention. 

At  the  head  of  Elliot  Street  Lady  Clara  was  a 
length  ahead,  and  the  Reverend  Eusebius  Starr 
King  Scroggins,  who  had  arisen  to  lay  violent 
hands  on  the  coachman,  was  precipitated  with 
great  force  into  the  arms  of  the  Reverend  Amina- 
dale  Whitefield  Pettibone,  and  in  their  frantic 
efforts  to  right  themselves  these  gentlemen  pre- 
sented to  the  horrified  eyes  of  the  members  of  the 
congregation,  hastening  to  welcome  them,  the  ap- 
pearance of  drunken  roisterers  engaged  in  a 
rough-and-tumble  fight,  at  which  the  Academy 
students  from  their  ball  grounds  gave  them  a  tre- 


REAL    BOYS 

mendous  cheer,  and  loudly  bet  on  the  man  with 
the  bald  head  and  the  long-  siders. 

The  Reverend  Thankful  Whittaker,  who  had 
for  some  time  been  wildly  waving  his  hat  to  at- 
tract the  attention  of  the  driver,  presented  every 
appearance  of  urging  that  gentleman  to  do  his 
best,  and  raised  serious  doubts  in  the  minds  of  the 
amazed  onlookers  as  to  the  sincerity  of  his  previ- 
ous sin-rebuking  professions. 

By  this  time  the  driver  had  got  it  through  his 
head  that  it  was  about  time  to  stop,  and,  leaning 
back  in  his  seat,  with  some  difficulty  pulled  the  ex- 
cited horses  to  a  stop  in  front  of  the  church  door, 
before  the  grim  and  disapproving  faces  of  the 
scandalized  flock.  But  it  was  a  different  thing  to 
arrest  the  mad  flight  of  Lady  Clara,  She  was  in 
the  race  to  stay.  Vainly  the  boys  tugged  and 
sawed  on  the  reins;  they  might  as  well  have  tried 
to  stop  an  express  train. 

*'  Run  her  up  Factory  Hill,"  gasped  Fatty,  do- 
ing a  tug-of-war  on  the  reins.  "  If  she  turns  the 
corner  she'll  break  our  necks."  Vain  hope,  Lady 
Clara  was  bound  for  home  by  the  usual  route,  and 

although  the   boys  braced,   strained,   and  pulled 

190 


REAL    BOYS 

themselves  almost  to  bursting,  she  turned  the 
corner, 

Alas!  the  overtaxed  wagon  could  not  stand  the 
strain.  Crash  went  the  near  wheels,  over  went  the 
wagon,  and  out  flew  the  boys  like  peas  out  of  a 
pop-gun,  while  Lady  Clara,  with  the  shattered  re- 
mains of  the  wagon  bouncing  and  clattering  be- 
hind her  dashed  over  the  bridge  and  disappeared. 

The  boys  were  not  hurt  in  the  least,  owing  to 
that  special  providence  that  so  constantly  watches 
over  boys,  and  their  one  idea  was  to  follow  their 
fast  fleeting  possessions.  Which  they  did  with  de- 
lightful unanimity  and  at  a  high  rate  of  speed. 

When  they  arrived  breathless  at  the  shed  they 
found  Lady  Clara  standing  in  her  stall,  panting 
but  unhurt,  and  surrounded  by  a  crowd  of  curious 
and  amused  bystanders,  who  watched  the  boys' 
solicitous  care  for  the  old  trotter  and  chained  them 
unmercifully  on  her  points. 

After  they  went  away,  the  boys  made  her  com- 
fortable for  the  night,  and  went  home  elated  over 
the  result  of  the  race,  but  somewhat  depressed  at 
the  loss  of  their  rolling  stock. 

The  exciting  nature  of  the  race  and  runaway 

caused  much  comment  and  some  inquiry,  and  wit'h- 

191 


REAL    BOYS 

in  an  hour  the  secret  of  the  ownership  of  the  horse 
was  a  secret  no  longer.  And  when  Phipy's  father 
returned  from  Boston  on  the  evening  train,  he  was 
astonished  and  not  a  Httle  dismayed  at  the  reputa- 
tion his  son  had  acquired  in  so  short  a  time,  and 
after  a  somewhat  acrid  interview  with  that  young 
man,  he  went  over  to  see  Beany's  father,  and  they 
soon  proceeded  to  Hemlock  side  to  view  the 
animal. 

Judge  of  the  grief  of  the  boys  when  they  found 
that  Lady  Clara  had  breathed  her  last,  and  lay  out- 
stretched on  her  pile  of  sawdust,  stiff  and  cold. 
Whether  she  had  overstrained  her  aged  organs  in 
the  excitement  of  the  race,  or  had  wisely  con- 
cluded that  her  victory  marked  a  fitting  end  to  an 
honorable  career,  and  had  taken  her  own  life,  we 
can  but  conjecture. 

Plupy  and  Beany  shed  tears — tears  of  unfeigned 
sorrow.  Fatty,  of  sterner  mould,  coughed  and 
strangled  to  avoid  shaming  'his  manhood,  while  as 
for  the  old  gentlemen,  it  were  well  to  draw  a 
mantle  of  charity  over  their  picturesque  and  kal- 
eidoscopic language  when  the  full  nature  of  the 

transactions  involving  the  purchase  of  Lady  Clara 

192 


REAL    BOYS 

and  the  method  of  accumulating  her  suppHes  was 
laid  before  them  in  all  its  originality. 

In  justice  to  these  gentlemen  it  is  well  to  state 
that  they  did  not  whip  the  boys,  but  read  them  a 
moral  lecture  of  great  severity,  and  then  chipped 
in  and  redeemed  their  personal  property  from  the 
former  owner  of  the  late  lamented  Lady  Clara. 

It  may  also  be  of  interest  to  know  that  Mr. 
Jethro  Simpson  received  a  visit  from  the  elder 
Shute,  who  gave  him  a  most  thorough  dressing 
down,  and  fully  demonstrated  that  the  art  of  vitu- 
peration in  the  mouth  of  a  skilful  disciple  could  ap- 
proach the  limits  of  the  sublime. 

Poor  Lady  Clara !     She  played  'her  part  well, 

and  her  memory  is  still  fresh  and  green  in  the 

hearts  of  her  boy  owners. 
13  193 


CHAPTER  i8 

"This  is  what  we  call  a  scrimmage,  gentlemen,  and  the 
first  scrimmage  in  a  school-house  match  was  no  joke  in 
the  consulship  of  Plancus." 

— Tom  Brown  at  Rugby,  Hughes. 

For  weeks  the  High  Schoolers  liad  been  train- 
ing for  a  football  game  with  the  students.  Most 
of  the  townies  were  expert  football  players,  and 
as  games  were  played  every  day  during  the  fall 
term  they  were  always  in  first  class  condition. 

Their  expertness  was  recognized  by  the  stu- 
dents, and  arrangements  foramatch  had  been  made 
soon  after  the  opening  of  the  term.  The  students 
had  given  but  little  attention  to  systematic  prep- 
aration, as  they  relied  on  the  strength  of  numbers 
and  the  prowess  of  individual  players,  while  the 
townies  had  faithfully  studied  the  game,  knew  the 
ability  of  every  member  of  the  team,  and  played 
together  constantly. 

The  sporting  element  was  deeply  interested  in 
the  result,  and  had  laid  heavy  wagers.  This  ex- 
citement had  spread  to  our  friends.     Fatty  had 

wagered  a  driving  whip  with  an  ivory  handle,  be- . 

194 


REAL    BOYS 

longing  to  Dan,  against  a  meerschaum  pipe  and  a 
brass  pistol.  Plupy  had  rashly  ventured  his  all, 
a  pair  of  Seabright  bantams,  against  an  old  musket 
with  a  sawed-off  barrel.  Whacker,  Potter,  Beany, 
Pewt,  Puzzy  and  Bug  had  plunged  heavily  in  the 
event,  and  stood  to  win  largely  or  to  face  absolute 
ruin. 

The  first  of  November  was  a  clear,  bracing  day. 
The  ground  was  dry,  and  there  was  no  wind,  an 
ideal  day  for  the  game.  By  half  past  one  o'clock 
the  Academy  yard  was  alive  with  students  and 
small  townies.  By  two  o'clock  the  fence  and  side- 
walks in  front  of  the  yard  were  filled  with  spec- 
tators, and  the  street  lined  with  carriages,  grocery 
teams,  and  family  vans,  filled  with  earnest  parti- 
sans. 

At  quarter  past  two  the  grounds  were  cleared 
of  all  but  the  upper  and  middle  classmen.  There 
was  a  stir,  a  craning  of  necks,  a  clapping  of  hands, 
and  the  townies,  two  by  two,  came  at  a  jog 
through  Maple  Street,  crossed  by  the  old  county 
building,  passed  through  the  lower  gate,  and 
entered  the  field  amid  the  whoops  and  cheers  of 
their  friends.  And  indeed  they  were  a  goodly  lot. 
Forty-two  alert,  well  built,  muscular  young  men, 
of  from  seventeen  to  nineteen,  looking  fresh  and 

195 


REAL    BOYS 

hard,  and  able  to  play  a  fast  and  punishing  game. 

There  was  Glynn,  broad,  stocky,  and  powerful; 
Eastman,  lithe  as  a  panther  and  quick  as  a  cat; 
Blodgett,  whose  rush  was  resistless,  and  whose 
coolness  proverbial;  Brigham,  a  born  fighter;  the 
Robinson  brothers;  Langley,  Ware,  Warren,  all 
dangerous  men  to  encounter  in  the  rush  line,  with 
many  other  powerful  and  skilful  youngsters  who 
feared  neither  back  trip,  fall,  nor  fence-rush. 

They  will  need  all  their  pluck,  strength,  and 
knowledge  of  the  game,  for  they  are  playing 
against  tremendous  odds  in  the  way  of  numbers, 
and  the  other  side  has  many  skilful  and  powerful 
players.  Indeed,  the  students  outnumbered  the 
townies  nearly  two  to  one;  about  seventy-five  of 
the  former  were  arrayed  against  the  townies. 
Among  the  students  are  Nichols,  the  best  athlete, 
fastest  runer,  and  quickest  dodger  in  the  Academy; 
James,  known  as  "  Spartacus "  from  his  well 
known  prowess;  Briggs,  bow-legged  and  active; 
Rhett,  a  Southerner,  a  great  runner  and  kicker; 
Hall,  a  terrific  kicker  and  fighter;  and  Bennett, 
whose  breadth  of  beam  quite  equalled  that  of 
Glynn. 

And  now  the  captains,  Eastman  and  Spartacus, 

meet  at  the  centre  for  a  choice  of  position,  and  a 

196 


REAL    BOYS 

coin  is  flipped  up.  The  town  has  the  choice,  and 
takes  the  kick-off.  As  the  sides  separate  and  pre- 
pare for  the  game,  a  great  difference  in  the  ar- 
rangement of  their  respective  forces  is  apparent. 

The  town  has  arranged  a  hne  of  battle  with  the 
fighting  men  at  the  front,  quite  close  together  and 
close  behind  the  ball.  On  each  side,  and  deployed 
across  the  field,  are  about  a  dozen  or  fifteen  active 
men;  while  the  remaining  players,  including  the 
coolest  men  and  the  safest  kickers,  are  placed  be- 
hind as  goal  tenders. 

On  the  school  side  you  see  little  attempt  at  sys- 
tematic arrangement.  The  players  are  for  the 
most  part  left  to  follow  each  his  own  method  and 
position. 

Perhaps  before  the  game  begins,  you  young 
men  who  play  the  modern  game,  with  its  elaborate 
system  of  rules,  signs,  and  trick  plays,  as  well  as 
its  correspondingly  elaborate  uniform  and  armor, 
and  who  are  prone  to  regard  the  old-fashioned 
game  as  a  tame  affair,  free  from  excitement,  skill, 
or  danger,  would  like  to  look  over  the  rules  of  the 
game. 

It  was  played  in  an  open  field,  the  distance  be- 
tween the  goals  varying  from  one  hundred  to  one 
hundred  and  fifty  yards.    The  goal  lines  extended 

197 


REAL  BOYS 

the  width  of  the  playing  space,  and  a  ball  kicked 
or  struck  over  the  goal  lines  in  any  part  thereof 
counted  a  game,  and  the  players  changed  sides. 
The  side  lines  were  usually  bounded  by  the  fence 
when  the  field  was  not  too  wide.  The  game  was 
started  by  a  place  kick  from  a  point  some  fifteen 
to  twenty  yards  in  front  of  one  goal,  according  to 
the  length  of  the  field. 

After  the  "kick-off"  or  "warning,"  the  ball 
was  in  play,  and  the  game  only  ended  in  driving 
the  ball  over  the  end  line.  The  ball  must  be 
kicked  or  struck,  but  could  not  be  held.  The 
players  could  not  strike,  hold,  or  punch  each  other 
with  their  hands,  but  must  shove  with  their 
shoulders,  or,  as  it  was  called,  "  root "  each  other. 
Eadh  player  must  keep  on  his  side  of  the  ball, 
and  should  the  ball  be  kicked  back,  he  must  at 
once  run  back  until  he  is  behind  it  before  taking 
part  in  the  game.  A  violation  of  this  rule  was 
called  "  playing  peanuts,"  and  it  was  considered  a 
disgrace  to  be  caught  "  peanutting." 

The  game  being  free  from  holding  and  clinch- 
ing, was  very  fast,  and  only  those  in  the  best  of 
condition  could  stand  the  fatigue  and  hard  work 
of  a  well-fought  game. 

After  a  short  consultation  with  his  men,  Captain 
198 


REAU    BOYS 

Eastman  calls  "  warning,"  and  with  a  short  run 
gives  the  ball  a  vigorous  kick  well  toward  the 
school  goal.  The  town  rushers  at  once  follow  the 
ball  as  hard  as  they  can  tear,  but  before  they  can 
reach  it  it  is  kicked  over  their  heads.  Back  they 
come  with  a  rush.  Again  the  ball  goes  spinning 
toward  the  school  goal,  but  a  short  grounder,  and 
the  two  sides  come  together  with  a  dull  crash. 
The  ball  is  now  in  the  centre  of  a  swaying,  strug- 
gling mass  of  players,  and  the  muffled  thump  of 
the  kicks  is  heard  above  the  shouts  of  the  con- 
testants. Men  are  bowled  over  in  every  direction. 
Some  are  borne  off  their  feet  by  the  momentum  of 
the  mass,  and  crawl  out  from  amidst  a  vortex  of 
frenzied,  kicking,  gyrating  legs.  One  or  two  limp 
away  to  the  fence  and  sit  down,  but  the  majority 
struggle  to  their  feet  and  rush  into  the  fray. 

"  Mass  behind  the  ball,"  rings  out  Eastman's 
voice,  "  follow  it  for  short  gains." 

Now  the  difference  in  the  training  of  the  two 
opponents  becomes  apparent,  for  the  townies, 
holding  themselves  in  a  compact  mass,  and  keep- 
ing the  ball  just  in  front  of  them,  by  a  series  of 
s'hort  and  desperate  rushes  are  rapidly  driving  it 

toward  the  school  goal,  in  spite  of  the  efforts  of 

199 


REAL    BOYS 

their  more  numerous  but  less  disciplined  adver- 
saries. 

In  vain  do  Spartacus,  Bennett,  Hall,  Gleason 
and  others  fling  themselves  upon  the  advancing 
wall  and  valiantly  contest  every  inch  of  ground. 
They  are  forced  back,  fighting  like  bulldogs.  And 
now  the  ball  is  close  to  the  line,  and  one  desperate 
rush  will  send  it  over,  but  the  town  is  too  fast,  the 
ball  escapes  them,  and  before  Eastman,  the  watch- 
ful, can  reach  it,  Nichols,  who  seems  omnipresent, 
seizes  it,  and  with  a  magnificent  drop-kick  sends 
it  far  over  the  heads  of  the  players,  and  three- 
quarters  of  the  distance  to  the  town  goal,  while  a 
loud  cheer  from  the  school  sympathizers  greets 
this  brilliant  play. 

Back  it  comes,  high  in  air,  and  again  is  sent 
toward  the  town  goal,  and  kicked  back  and  for- 
ward several  times,  neither  side  gaining  much  by 
this  interchange  of  kicks.  While  the  players  are 
rushing  to  and  fro  in  their  efforts  to  follow  and 
keep  behind  the  ball,  great  deeds  are  done,  and 
many  valiant  "  roots "  exchanged  between  the 
heavy  men  of  both  sides.  Bennett  and  Glynn,  the 
heaviest  men  on  the  field,  come  together  Hke  two 
bison,  and  the  student  is  rolled  over,  to  the  huge 
delight  of  the  assembled  townies,  while  the  stu- 


REAL    BOYS 

dents  in  turn  cheer  to  the  echo  when  spectacled 
Spartacus  causes  the  older  Robinson  to  bite  the 
dust. 

Again  the  ball  falls  near  the  centre  of  the  field, 
and  again  waves  of  turbulent  townies  and  stren- 
uous students  rush  over  and  around  it;  but  the 
students,  learning  wisdom  from  experience,  mass 
behind  it,  and  by  weight  of  numbers  prevent  the 
town  from  direct  advance,  and  the  rush  of  players 
boils  toward  the  fence,  w'here  a  fearful  jam  occurs. 
The  ball  becomes  wedged  under  the  lower  rail  of 
the  fence,  the  umpire  calls  time  and  pronounces  it 
out  of  bounds. 

It  is  brought  in,  and  the  sides  line  up  about  ten 
feet  apart.  Half  way  between  the  sides  stands  the 
umpire,  with  Nichols  and  Brigham  facing  each 
other  at  arm's  length.  Both  declare  themselves 
ready,  and  the  umpire  tosses  the  ball  about  ten 
feet  in  the  air  and  directly  between  the  two,  who 
spring  hghtly  up  and  strike  viciously  at  the  ball. 
That  was  a  good  jump,  Brigham,  but  not  quick 
enough,  for  Nichols  has  already  struck  it  over  the 
head  of  the  town.  Back  it  comes  like  a  return  ball, 
Greenough  kicks  it,  it  strikes  Glynn  full  in  his 
broad  breast,  and  bounces  back,  and  the  townies 
are  on  it  before  the  scattered  line  of  the  students 

20T 


REAL    BOYS 

can  prevent  it,  and  drive  it  with  a  mighty  rush 
straight  toward  the  school  goal.  In  vain  do  the 
heavy  men  of  the  school  fling  themselves  before 
the  rush  Hne,  they  are  toppled  over  or  hurled  aside. 
And  now  it  is  over  the  line,  and  the  umpire  calls 
"  goal  and  game."  A  ringing  shout  goes  up  from 
the  crowd  about  the  grounds,  and  the  small  town- 
ies — and  you  may  be  sure  that  our  young  friends 
are  among  the  shrillest — cheer  and  shout  and 
shriek  with  delight. 

The  sides  now  change  places,  and  during  the  ten 
minutes  intermission  the  school  leaders  hold  an 
earnest  conference.  Spartacus,  Hall,  Greenough, 
and  others  vigorously  lay  down  the  law  and  ar- 
range a  line  of  battle.  The  town  boys  put  on  their 
coats  and  saunter  out  among  the  carriages.  Where 
they  receive  the  delighted  plaudits  of  their  friends, 
and  their  earnest  counsel  for  the  next  game.  Just 
before  time  is  called,  Eastman,  who  has  been  care- 
fully watching  the  school  leaders,  calls  his  men  to- 
gether, and  instructs  them  to  play  carefully,  and  to 
keep  behind  the  ball  and  close  together. 

Time  is  called,  and  the  school  arranges  its  lines 

in  close  imitation  of  the  townies' :  the  great  body 

of  men,  with  the  heavy  rushers  in  the  centre  and 

well  to  the  front,  the  fastest  runners  and  more 

202 


REAL    BOYS 

active  men  deployed  across  the  field,  and  a  few  of 
the  best  kickers  and  safest  men,  including  Nichols 
and  Hall,  well  to  the  rear.  Spartacus  himself  takes 
the  kick-off,  and  as  the  ball  rises  in  a  beautiful 
curve,  the  entire  body  of  students  comes  charging 
down  the  field  like  a  squadron  of  cavalry. 

And  now,  boys,  show  what  you  are  made  of,  for 
the  last  game  was  but  a  breather  to  what  is  coming. 

Spartacus  had  shrewdly  kicked  the  ball  high  in 
the  air,  to  give  his  men  time  to  get  down  the  field 
before  the  return  kick — a  good  trick,  it  is  met  by 
one  equally  good.  As  the  ball  touches  the  ground 
it  falls  near  Warren,  who  kicks  it  diagonally  across 
the  field  to  a  point  about  twenty  yards  forward 
of  the  line  on  which  he  stands,  at  the  same  time 
shouting  to  Gerrish,  who  is  on  the  extreme  right, 
to  look  out  for  it.  Which  that  shrewd  player  does 
to  perfection,  kicking  it  far  toward  the  school  goal. 
Back  it  comes  to  the  centre  of  the  field,  where  the 
most  active  men  meet  and  kick  and  root  and  fall 
over  and  about  it,  until  the  sides  close  in  a  terrific 
scrimmage,  and  nothing  can  be  seen  but  a  dust 
cloud,  in  the  midst  of  which  are  struggling  forms 
and  prostrate  figures. 

After  a  moment  the  school,  by  dint  of  num- 
bers, gradually  forces  the  town  back,  but  not  far 

203 


REAL    BOYS 

before  the  rush  is  broken  and  the  ball  driven  back. 
Again  and  again  does  the  school,  with  the  ball 
before  it,  charge  down  the  field,  and  again  and 
again  is  the  line  broken  by  the  desperate  resistance 
of  the  solid  men  of  the  town  line.  But  still  they 
come  on  with  indomitable  pluck,  and  rush  follows 
rush  in  rapid  succession.  Heart  and  lungs  cannot 
stand  it  forever,  and  the  townies  are  driven  stead- 
ily back,  striving  desperately  to  regain  lost  ground. 
And  now  the  ball  is  near  the  town  goal,  in  the 
clump  of  trees  near  the  fence,  and  here  the  townies 
make  a  desperate  stand,  and  a  terrible  scrimmage 
takes  place,  wliich  ends  in  the  ball  being  driven  out 
of  bounds.  But  alas  for  the  town !  Eastman  is 
carried  from  the  field  with  a  badly  sprained  ankle, 
and  Glynn  takes  the  leadership. 

The  ball  is  brought  out  to  a  point  half  \vay  be- 
tween the  sides  and  barely  twenty  feet  before  the 
town  goal.  Again  the  sides  line  up,  with  Nichols 
and  Brigham  in  the  centre.  Now  Nichols,  you 
must  strike  it  over,  as  you  are  fresher  and  more 
active  than  Brigham.  It  is  an  anxious  moment  for 
the  town,  and  some  of  the  players  climb  upon 
others'  shoulders,  with  arms  outstretched  to  Ijlock 
the  ball.  It  is  thrown  up,  and  both  strike  quickly, 
but  Nichols  reaches  it  first.     It  is  a  glancing  blow, 

2D4 


REAL    BOYS 

however,  and  the  ball  is  caught  by  Tady  Finton, 
and  kicked  to  the  centre  of  the  field,  before  the 
school  rush  can  reach  him.  Indeed,  so  narrow  is 
the  margin,  that  before  he  can  recover  from  his 
fierce  kick  Greenough  reaches  him  with  his 
shoulder,  and  poor  Tady  is  sent  ploughing  the 
ground  for  several  yards. 

The  ball  is  blocked  about  a  third  of  the  distance 
from  the  town  goal,  and  again  the  town  is  driven 
slowly  backwards.  It  is  growing  dusk,  and  game 
will  be  called  in  a  few  minutes.  The  school  must 
make  a  goal  soon  or  be  beaten,  and  if  the  town 
can  hold  a  few  minutes  it  will  win.  The  town  is 
in  bad  shape.  Ware  can  hardly  stagger  through 
the  game;  Robinson  senior  was  hurt  among  the 
trees  and  retired.  Several  of  the  best  men  are 
bruised  and  limping,  and  all  are  covered  with  earth 
from  head  to  foot.  Glynn,  smeared  with  dirt  and 
grime,  and  panting  from  his  fierce  exertions,  is 
unhurt;  while  Tady  Finton  is  still  cheerful  despite 
the  fact  that  he  looks  as  if  he  had  been  struck  by 
a  runaway  team. 

Tlie  students,  barring  numbers,  are  in  no  better 

shape.     Both  sides,  however,  go  in  with  a  will, 

and  the  town  slowly  gives  ground  to  the  furious 

onslaught  on  its  line.    It  is  no  time  for  kicking  or 

205 


REAL   BOYS 

fancy  playing,  but  for  grim  earnestness.  Sparta- 
cus  has  called  in  his  backs,  and  the  entire  body  of 
students  is  hurled  against  the  town  line.  The 
charge  is  irresistible.  Back,  back  they  are  driven 
until  their  goal  line  is  almost  reached.  And  here 
a  foul  occurs.  Greenough,  from  the  centre  of  the 
rush,  seizes  the  ball,  and  crawling  between  the 
legs  of  the  rushers,  carries  it  over  the  line. 

The  school  claims  goal,  but  the  claim  is  promptly 
disallowed  by  the  referee,  "  No  holding  the  ball." 
It  is  brought  out  and  the  sides  line  up,  the  school 
triumphant  and  aggressive,  the  town  dogged  and 
determined.  W'hat  is  Glynn  meditating?  He  has 
sent  two  men  of¥  to  each  side,  while  Spartacus  has 
called  in  his  backs.  The  crowd  near  the  fence  is 
as  silent  as  death.  A  forlorn  hope  of  Glynn,  for 
surely  the  town  can't  get  the  ball  through. 

It  is  thrown  up  by  the  referee,  and  immediately 

Nichols  is  flat  on  his  back.  Brigham  has  "  rooted  " 

hin_  instead  of  trying  for  the  ball,  clearly  a  foul. 

Before  the  referee  can  speak  Nichols  springs  to  his 

feet,  and,  furious  with  rage,  lands  a  sounding  left 

and  right  full  in  Brigham's  face,  and  the  two  are 

fighting  Hke  gamecocks.     Both  sides  have  their 

blood  up,  and  for  a  moment  a  general  fight  seems 

imminent.      But    here    Glynn    comes   in   strong. 

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REAL   BOYS 

Seizing  the  combatants  he  tears  them  apart  as  if 
they  were  children,  while  at  the  same  time  he 
pushes  his  huge  bulk  between  Warren  and  Green- 
ough,  who  are  on  the  point  of  settling  a  few  little 
difficulties  of  their  own.  The  referee  forces  his 
way  through  the  angry  crowd,  and  the  yard  police 
with  difficulty  keep  back  the  spectators,  who  are 
swarming  over  the  fence  to  take  part  in  the  scrim- 
mage. "  The  first  man  who  strikes  a  blow  leaves 
the  field,  and  his  side  forfeits  the  game,"  declares 
the  referee,  in  tones  as  even  and  hard  as  steel.  He 
means  it,  and  they  know  it,  and  the  crowd  falls 
back.  The  sides  line  up  again,  with  Brigham  and 
Nichols  facing  each  other  and  glaring  like  wild- 
cats. 

Again  the  ball  is  tossed  up,  each  springs  and 
strikes  it  fairly,  and  it  falls  a  little  to  one  side;  and 
the  sides  close  in  What  proves  to  be  the  last  scrim- 
mage of  the  game.  "  Now,  boys,  we've  got  to 
take  it  over,"  shouts  Spartacus,  and  the  school 
strains  every  nerve  to  force  back  the  town.  It  is 
do  or  die  this  time,  and  both  sides  know  it.  The 
townies,  leaning  forward  until  their  hands  almost 
touch  the  ground,  and  digging  their  hands  deep 
in  the  soil,  refuse  to  yield  an  inch,  and  keep  the 
ball  wedged  in  place.     Again  and  again  the  school 

207 


REAL    BOYS 

surges,  and  the  pressure  is  so  great  that  some  of 
the  foremost  men  are  forced  completely  off  their 
feet  and  over  the  heads  and  shoulders  of  the  town 
rushers. 

While  they  are  frantically  rushing  back  to  re- 
gain their  positions  the  town  gains  an  inch,  six 
inches,  a  foot,  when  a  gasping  bellow  is  heard  from 
Glynn,  "  Now,  boys,  to  the  right  all  together,  give 
'em  hell !  "  In  an  instant  every  pound  left  is  swung 
to  the  right,  and  before  the  school  masses  can 
sweep  round  to  check  it,  the  town  breaks  through 
with  a  rush,  and  Gerrish  and  Sullivan,  the  two 
active  fellows  who  have  been  placed  there  for  the 
purpose,  have  the  ball  past  the  school  with  a  clear 
field  before  them,  and  dart  toward  the  school  goal 
amid  the  frantic  shouts  of  the  spectators. 

Back  rushes  the  school,  dusty,  hoarse  and  furi- 
ous. Nichols  runs  as  he  never  ran  before.  Spar- 
tacus  speeds  along  like  a  man  pursued  by  an  evil 
spirit.  Hall  jumps  clear  over  a  bunch  of  townies 
who  try  to  block  him,  and  Bennett  ploughs 
through  the  atmosphere  like  a  runaway  hippopot- 
amus. But  they  had  too  good  a  start.  That  was  a 
bad  mistake,  Spartacus,  to  call  in  your  backs,  and 
you  may  run  and  shout,  it  is  too  late  now,  and  the 

two  runners,  pursued  by  both  sides,   who  root, 

io8 


REAL    BOYS 

tumble,  and  roll  each  other  in  the  dirt,  are  not 
headed,  and  easily  carry  the  ball  ov^er  the  line  for 
game. 

Think  of  it,  two  games  to  none,  and  against 
great  odds.  The  enthusiasm  of  the  townies  knows 
no  bounds,  and  the  players  are  escorted  back  to 
their  homes  by  throngs  of  gossipy,  excited  parti- 
sans, while  the  school,  silent  and  discomfited,  scat- 
ters to  the  boarding-houses. 

And   our  young  friends  retire,   to  discuss  the 

game,  and  to  glory  in  their  new  possessions,  and 

to   wonder   loudly   which   would   have   "  licked," 

Nichols  or  Brigham. 

14  209 


CHAPTER  19 

"Heap  on  more  wood!     The  wind  is  chill; 
But  let  it  whistle  as  it  will, 
We'll  keep  our  Christmas  merry  still." 

— Scott. 

As  winter  closed  in,  after  a  wet  and  disagreeable 
fall,  the  attention  of  the  boys  and  girls  was  for  a 
time  fully  taken  up  with  skating.  The  river,  at 
this  season  deep  and  rapid  from  the  fall  rains,  froze 
slowly  and  unevenly,  and  was  too  dangerous  to  be 
attempted.  But  Giddings'  brickyard  pond,  Gor- 
don's overflow,  and  every  pool  and  shallow  sheet 
of  water  was  covered  with  muffled  figures,  while 
the  crisp  singing  of  the  rocker  blades  was  punctu- 
ated by  the  dull  thud  of  small  craniums  on  the 
hard  ice,  and  the  shrill  shouts  of  "  Shinney  on  your 
own  side,"  "  Who  yer  hittin'?  "  "  No  fair  holdin'," 
"  Tiddly  benders,  tiddly  benders !  "  and  other  cries 
appropriate  to  the  season. 

An  early  snowfall  put  an  end  to  skating,  and  the 

sleds  were  put  in  use  for  a  while,  but  coasting  was 

poor,  and  the  two  weeks  before  Christmas  began 

to  drag  slowly.      Of  course    Christmas   was   the 

210 


REAL    BOYS 

theme  of  conversation,  and  the  staple  of  thought 
and  dreams. 

How  to  obtain  the  greatest  amount  of  enter- 
tainment out  of  Christmas  was  the  problem  for  the 
youngsters  which  taxed  their  ingenuity  to  the  ut- 
most. 

Exeter,  in  comon  with  most  country  towns  re- 
joiced in  a  plethora  of  churches.  Her  worthy  citi- 
zens, delightfully  harmonious  in  many  respects, 
did  not  wholly  agree  as  to  the  best  method  of 
obtaining  salvation,  and  the  result  was  an  aston- 
ishing number  of  churches  and  religious  societies, 
all  of  which  were  exceedingly  zealous  in  the  pur- 
suit of  proselytes  for  the  aggrandisement  of  their 
faith,  and  parishioners  for  the  payment  of  expenses 
incidental  to  the  maintenance  of  the  local  society. 

To  this  effect,  and  in  compliance  with  the  de- 
mands of  the  seasons,  they  held  May  fairs,  where 
the  credulous  public  were  led  to  part  with  their 
wealth  for  a  small  percentage  of  return;  June 
breakfasts,  where  well-intentioned  burghers  were 
led  to  forego  the  pleasures  of  their  own  table  for 
the  tribulations  of  a  pubHc  grab  bag;  strawberry 
festivals,  where  disastrous  results  were  only 
avoided  by  the  small  purchasing  value  of  a  quarter; 
midsummer  picnics  at  the  Eddy,  where  people 

211 


REAL   BOYS 

rowed  in  boats,  swung  in  swings,  and  ate  hugely 
of  ill-assorted  and  indigestible  lunches  to  the  last- 
ing detriment  of  their  constitutions,  and  oyster 
sociables,  where  deep  sea  soundings  were  required 
to  accumulate  evidence  of  title. 

But  the  great  event  of  the  year  was  the  Christ- 
mas festival.  Each  church  society  planned  to 
make  their  Christmas  festival  a  little  better  than 
that  of  any  other.  There  was  no  ill  feeling,  bless 
you,  no !  To  be  sure  the  Phillips  Church,  which, 
some  time  in  the  previous  century,  had  seceded 
from  the  old  Orthodox  Church,  for  reasons  so 
shrouded  in  the  dusts  of  antiquity  as  to  be  known 
to  no  man,  afterwards  known  as  the  Upper  Church 
from  its  geographical  situation  on  Front  Street, 
thoug'ht  it  just  as  well  to  show  that  Lower  Church 
that  it  was  quite  capable  of  administering  its  af- 
fairs. And  per  contra  the  First,  or  Lower  Church, 
while  taking  great  pains  to  speak  well  of  her  sister 
church,  managed  in  some  mysterious  way  to  in- 
stil into  the  latter  the  complete  realization  that, 
while  the  roads  to  Paradise  might  be  parallel,  they 
were  at  least  separate. 

Likewise,  the  two  Baptist  churches,  while  lustily 
singing  on  each  and  every  Sunday  reassuring  and 
comforting  words  to  the  effect  that  "  Salvation 

212 


REAL    BOYS 

was  free  to  you  and  me,"  none  the  less  persisted  in 
pursuing  separate  and  parallel  roads,  which  put 
them  to  great  straits  to  maintain  separate  houses 
of  worship,  separate  pastors,  subscription  lists,  and 
separate  traditions,  and  to  the  thinking  pilgrim 
rendered  the  words  of  the  dear  old  hymn  mis- 
leading in  the  extreme. 

The  Orthodox,  Methodist  and  Baptist  looked 
with  a  sort  of  good-natured  tolerance  upon  the 
Episcopal  and  Catholic,  which  in  turn  regarded 
them  as  worthy  but  somewhat  jog-trot  and  com- 
mon, and  all  completely  ignored  the  existence  of 
the  small  but  united  band  of  Adventists. 

The  Unitarian,  however,  like  the  Secretary, 
"  stood  alone,"  and  unlike  the  Secretary  modern 
degeneracy  had  not  only  reached  but  sadly  soiled 
them,  at  least  in  the  opinion  of  the  other  churches. 
"  Alone,  alone,  and  every  step  the  mist  thickened 
about  them,"  was  their  situation  in  the  minds  of 
every  devout  follower  of  other  faiths.  Was  there 
a  convention  to  which  all  the  old  churches  were  in- 
vited, the  Unitarian  remained  away,  uninvited  and 
solitary,  while  the  members  of  her  sister  churches 
shook  hands  guardedly,  after  the  manner  of  pugil- 
ists at  the  call  of  time,  and  rejoiced  that  they  were 

not  as  other  men,  even  as  did  the  Pharisee  of  old. 

213 


REAL    BOYS 

Consequently  it  is  not  to  be  wondered  at  that 
the  Christmas  festivals  were  exclusively  sectarian, 
not  perhaps  to  the  point  of  requiring  the  establish- 
ment of  a  dead  line,  but  still  sectarian  to  a  point 
that  practically  kept  everyone  within  the  shadow 
of  his  doctrinal  vine  and  fig  tree. 

These  festivals  were  very  similar.  They  began 
with  a  supper,  which  was  hugely  enjoyed  by  both 
young  and  old.  This,  commencing  with  prayer, 
was  followed  by  recitations  of  a  religious  and  up- 
lifting nature,  the  singing  of  Sunday  School  songs, 
the  unveiling  of  the  Christmas  tree,  and  the  dis- 
tribution of  presents  and  pop  corn,  after  which  the 
people  went  home  jaded  but  happy,  and  confident 
that  no  other  festival  could  equal  their  own. 

Now  the  one  society  that  openly  violated  tradi- 
tion was  the  Unitarian.  These  misguided  people, 
with  the  praiseworthy  desire  of  accommodating 
the  public  and  securing  the  greatest  good  to  the 
greatest  number,  held  their  festival  in  the  town 
hall,  which,  after  weeks  of  preparation,  was  beauti- 
fully decorated  for  the  occasion. 

The  exercises  began  with  a  bountiful  supper 

served  at  long  tables,  and  when  the  tables  were 

removed  the   distribution  of  presents  from   two 

and  sometimes  three  trees  began  from  the  plat- 

314 


REAL   BOYS 

form.  After  the  presents  were  distributed  an  hour 
or  more  was  spent  by  the  children  in  playing 
games,  sliding,  falling,  and  bumping  their  heads 
on  the  polished  floor.  At  nine  o'clock  the  chil- 
dren were  wrapped  up  and  taken  home,  and  amid 
a  tuning  up  of  violins,  the  liquid  tones  of  clarinet, 
and  brazen  tones  of  cornet  and  trombone,  the 
young,  the  middle-aged,  and  sometimes  the  old, 
joined  in  a  jolly  old-fashioned  dance  until  twelve 
o'clock. 

What  wonder,  then,  that  the  ambition  of  every 
boy  and  girl  was  to  go  to  the  Unitarian  Christ- 
mas Festival.  What  wonder  that  the  Unitarian 
Sunday  Sc'hool  assumed  the  appearance  of  a  con- 
gested town  meeting  for  a  few  weeks  prior  to 
Christmas. 

Of  our  friends,  the  majority  were  legitimate 
members  for  various  reasons.  Plupy's  father  fa- 
vored the  Unitarians,  for  his  daughters  were  tune- 
ful members  of  the  choir,  and  there  was  no  church 
in  the  afternoon.  Pewt's  father  had  painted  the 
edifice,  and  was  a  solid  member  of  the  parish. 
Potter's  grandfather  was  one  of  the  early  members, 
While  Nipper's  uncles  had  secured  the  contract 
for  the  erection  of  the  building,  and  the  entire 
family   became   ardent   supporters   of   the   faith. 

2X5 


REAL    BOYS 

Beany,  an  alien,  was  blowboy  of  the  organ  and  a 
functionary  of  importance,  albeit  somewhat  prone 
to  sUimber  during  the  sermon  and  to  be  awakened 
with  a  pin  in  the  hands  of  the  basso,  the  Hon.  Alva 
Wood,  Pile's  father.  Fatty's  mother  w^as  the  god- 
mother to  whom  the  society,  one  and  all,  turned 
when  in  trouble,  financial  or  otherwise.  On  the 
other  hand  the  Chadwick  boys  were  occasionally 
allowed  to  attend,  on  account  of  the  fact  that 
their  father,  Captain  Chadwick,  a  staunch  sup- 
porter and  attendant  of  the  Upper  Church,  was  so 
firm  a  friend  of  the  Unitarian  pastor  as  to  fre- 
quently attend  his  church,  and  always  contributed 
liberally  to  its  funds.  Indeed  it  was  that  redoubt- 
able gentleman  wdio,  when  the  Unitarian  pastor 
had  been  invited  to  a  conference  with  some  irate 
saloon  keepers  who  were  intending  to  give  that 
outspoken  man  a  rough  handling,  casually  strolled 
m  upon  the  assemblage  with  the  identical  gold- 
headed  cane  with  xVliich  he  had  unaided  quelled  a 
mutiny  in  his  ship,  and  the  deference  of  those 
saloon  keepers  was  beyond  precedent. 

So  it  can  easily  be  seen  that  this  selfsame  Uni- 
tarian society  counting  as  its  friends  Pewt  and 
Beany,  Plupy  and  Fatty,  Potter  and  Nipper,  Pile 

and  Whacker,  Bug  and  Puzzy,  Micky  and  Hoppy, 

216 


REAL    BOYS 

could  not  find  time  to  be  lonely  in  its  isolation, 
and  was  in  fact  a  very  lively  institution  at  all  times. 

Regularly  three  nights  a  week  for  two  weeks 
before  Christmas  the  young  ladies  and  young 
gentlemen  of  the  parish  gathered  at  the  vestry  and 
wound  evergreen  and  made  hemlock  wreaths  of 
the  bountiful  supply  that  the  boys,  under  the 
leadership  of  Fatty  and  the  motive  power  of  old 
Chub,  had  amassed  during  the  afternoon. 

It  was  during  one  of  these  excursions  that  an 
accident  happened  poor  Plupy  that  nearly  put 
that  ingenuous  youth  out  of  the  running  for  good 
and  all.  One  of  the  most  fascinating  pursuits  of 
the  boys  was  that  of  "  bending  birches."  There 
may  be  some  persons  who  do  not  know  what  it 
means  to  bend  a  birch,  but  at  that  time  and  in  that 
community  it  was  a  common  and  most  fascinating 
sport,  dangerous  enough  to  be  exciting,  but  sel- 
dom productive  of  accidents.  It  consisted  of 
selecting  a  tall,  slender  live  birch,  large  enough  to 
allow  one  to  climb  fifteen  or  twenty  feet  before  it 
swayed  too  much  to  support  his  weight.  Then 
at  the  proper  moment  the  climber  swung  outward, 
with  his  full  weight  hanging  by  'his  hands,  and  the 
birch  bending  came  to  the  ground  with  a  stately 

sweep,   when   the   climber   let   go,   and   the   tree 

217 


REAL    BOYS 

sprang  back  into  place.  The  sensation  was  abso- 
lutely unique. 

Whenever  the  boys  went  after  evergreen  and 
hemlock  they  spent  a  large  part  of  the  time  in  this 
pursuit. 

Now  there  was  a  large  birch  that  none  of  the 
boys  had  dared  to  bend.  It  stood  apart  from  its 
kind,  surrounded  by  a  group  of  small  pine  trees. 
On  the  afternoon  in  question  the  boys  had  filled 
the  rattle  cart  to  the  brim  with  green,  and  before 
starting  homeward  had  bent  all  the  birches  in  the 
neighborhood  but  this  one. 

Much     to     their    astonishment     Plupy,    w'hen 

"  stumped  "  to  bend  the  big  birch,  announced  his 

willingness  to  try  it,  and  spitting  on  his  hands  and 

wrapping  his  long  legs  snakewise  about  the  tree, 

began  with  many  grunts  and  wry  faces  to  make 

the    toilsome    ascent.     When    he    had    ascended 

about  a  dozen  feet  he  began  to  waver  in  his  fixed 

purpose,  but  the    jeers  of    the  boys  drove  him 

higher,  until  he  had  reached  the  height  of  about 

twenty-five  feet,  when  the  swaying  of  the  tall  tree 

warned  him  that  he  could  not  go  any  higher  with 

safety.     Then,  on  looking  down,  he  was  appalled 

at  the  height  and  afraid  to  swing  out. 

"  Aw,  Plupy's  afraid!  "  sneered  Whacker,  and  a 
218 


REAL    BOYS 

chorus  of  shrill  "  aw's  "  cut  the  air,  and  the  cheeks 
of  Plupy,  already  empurpled  with  the  exertion  of 
climbing,  took  on  a  still  more  apoplectic  hue. 

"  I  ain't  afraid  neither,  only  I  ain't  got  any  good 
holt." 

"  Plupy's  'fraid."  **  'Fraid  cat !  "  "  'Fraid  cat !" 
shouted  the  boys. 

"  Huh !  "  sneered  the  mudh  badgered  youth, 
"  you  needn't  be  so  smart.  None  of  you  fellers 
dast  to  try  it." 

"  Yah-h-h,  come  down,  old  'fraid  cat,"  they 
scoffed,  "  and  see  if  we're  afraid.  Plupy's  'fraid, 
Plupy's  'fraid ! "  and  each  one  yelled  as  loud  as 
he  could,  and  vied  with  the  others  in  heaping 
odium  upon  poor  Plupy. 

All  at  once  a  sort  of  desperation  took  possession 
of  him,  and  tearing  his  cap  from  his  head  he  cast 
it  to  the  ground.  At  this  all  shouting  ceased  in  a 
respectful  silence,  for  it  was  an  unwritten  law, 
which  no  boy  ever  thought  of  disobeying,  that 
wherever  one  threw  his  hat  there  would  he  follow. 

As  they  gazed  open-mouthed,  Plupy  took  a  firm 

hold,  a  long  breath,  and  having  chanted  the  well 

known  couplet, 

"  What  goes  up  must  come  down 
On  the  head  or  on  the  ground," 
219 


REAL    BOYS 

swung  outwards,  and  the  tree,  bending  gracefully 
to  his  weight,  came  toward  the  ground  in  a  ma- 
jestic sweep.  But  not  to  the  ground,  however, 
for,  unfortunately  for  him,  the  birch  in  bending 
crossed  the  top  of  a  small  pine  and  stopped,  leav- 
ing Plupy  dangling  in  mid-air  about  fifteen  feet 
from  the  frozen  ground. 

"  Git  something  to  ketch  me,  fellers,"  he  sput- 
tered, trying  vainly  to  curl  up  his  body  so  as  to 
get  his  legs  around  the  tree. 

"  Shin  back  to  the  pine  tree  hand  over  hand," 
yelled  Fatty. 

This  Plupy  tried  to  do,  but  the  stifT  twigs  point- 
ing towards  him  prevented. 

"  Do  something  for  thunder's  sake,"  bawled 
Fatty,  his  eyes  protruding  with  excitement. 

"  Git  under  him  and  let  him  fall  on  you,  Fatty," 
urged  Bug.    "  'Twon't  hurt  much." 

"  Hold  on,  Plupy,  till  we  cut  down  the  pine 
tree,"  shrieked  Potter,  tearing  around  like  a  cat  in 
a  fit. 

"  I  can't.  I  can't,"  gurgled  Plupy,  whose  arms 
were  stretched  to  their  utmost  tension. 

"  Drive  the  team  under  him,"  shouted  Puzzy,  as 

he  ran  for  old  Chub. 

Amid  shrill  encouragement  from  the  others  to 
220 


REAL    BOYS 

hold  on,  Fatty  and  Fuzzy  untied  Cliuh  and  drove 
at  a  gallop,  the  cart  bounding  over  the  hummocks 
and  the  evergreen  streaming  behind. 

"  Hurry  up,  Fm  slippin',  Fm  slippin' !  "  gasped 
Plupy  despairingly. 

Alas !  before  the  team  reached  him  his  hands  re- 
laxed their  grip,  and  with  a  hoarse  bellow  he  came 
shooting  through  the  air  like  a  limp  scarecrow, 
just  in  time  to  strike  full  on  old  Chub's  fat  round 
back,  from  which  he  rebounded  like  a  rubber  ball 
into  a  thick  snarl  of  wild  blackberry  vines,  where 
he  lay  unhurt  but  howling  like  a  maniac,  while  the 
astonished  horse,  plunging  wildly  to  one  side, 
tipped  the  wagon  over  and  dragged  it  some  dis- 
tance before  he  brought  up  and  was  firmly  an- 
chored between  two  trees. 

After  righting  the  wagon,  and  rescuing  the  limp 
and  recumbent  but  uninjured  form  of  the  sadly 
bedraggled  hero,  the  boys  drove  to  the  vestry, 
where  they  delivered  their  load  of  evergreen  to  a 
committee  of  young  ladies,  who  were  assisted  by 
several  Academy  students. 

For  several  evenings  the  boys  attended  the 
vestry,  and  worked  their  fingers  to  the  bone  in 
stripping  hemlock  boughs  for  the  girls,  who,  each 
attended  by  an  Academy  student,  wove  the  twigs 


REAL   BOYS 

into  streamers  and  wreaths,  and  who,  at  ten 
o'clock,  were  escorted  home  by  the  selfsame  Acad- 
emy students,  who  were  m  turn  waylaid  by  our 
boy  friends  and  mercilessly  "  plugged  "  with  hard 
snowballs. 

The  Unitarian  Festival  was  to  be  held  on  the 
evening  of  the  second  day  after  Christmas,  and  in 
the  afternoon  the  boys  were  on  hand  working  like 
Trojans.  Their  first  duty  was  to  remove  the  set- 
tees from  the  hall.  Ordinarily  the  settees  were 
lowered  through  a  trap-door  to  the  basement,  but 
as  some  repairs  were  being  made  in  the  basement 
there  was  only  room  for  a  part  of  them,  and  ac- 
cordingly the  rest  were  piled  up  in  the  east  end 
of  the  hall  in  two  great  stacks.  This  should  have 
been  superintended  by  the  janitor,  but  that  worthy 
man  was  so  in  demand  that  he  could  not  person- 
ally attend  to  it. 

After  completing  two  huge  but  exceedingly  un- 
steady stacks,  the  boys  mounted  ladders  and 
helped  hook  up  streamers,  tacked  the  bunting 
around  the  platform,  lugged  in  the  Christmas 
trees,  and  ran  here  and  there  after  gimlets,  screw- 
drivers and  other  necessary  articles,  while  the 
students  flirted  with  the  young  ladies,  the  super- 

222 


REAL    BOYS 


intendent  fussed  around  and  gave  directions,  and 
all  went  merrily. 


At  five  o'clock  the    boys    were    excluded,  and 

peeped  through  the  keyhole  and  the  blinds,  while 

a  select  committee  hung  the  presents  on  the  trees 

223 


REAL    BOYS 

and  adorned  them  with  strings  of  pop  corn,  tinsel, 
gold  and  silver  stars  and  colored  candles. 

At  six  o'clock  the  doors  were  thrown  open  and 
people  began  to  troop  in  singly,  in  pairs,  in 
bunches  and  in  platoons.  The  ante-rooms  re- 
sounded with  the  thump  of  heavy  boots  as  they 
were  exchanged  for  light  shoes  or  slippers,  while 
the  chatter  of  tongues  was  incessant  as  woollen 
scarfs  and  clouds  were  unwound,  muffs  laid  aside, 
beaded  reticules  hung  up,  and  dolmans  and  fur 
tippets  shoved  into  corners. 

Soon  the  long  tables  were  filled,  and  jests  and 
repartee  flew,  while  ham  and  tongue,  rolls  and 
tarts,  and  jellies  disappeared.  Then  there  was  the 
roar  of  chairs  and  settees  dragged  across  the 
room,  and  the  squeaking  of  long  tables  as  they 
were  unjointed  and  removed. 

Then  amid  breathless  excitement  the  superin- 
tendent of  the  Sunday  School,  assisted  by  athletic 
young  men,  began  removing  the  presents  from 
the  trees  and  shouting  the  names  of  the  favored 
ones. 

What  delight  when  Plupy,  whose  musical  long- 
ings were  well  known,  received  a  trumpet  which 
when  blown  discharged  a  strong  jet  of  water  into 

his  face;  when  Fatty  received  a  huge  doughnut 

224 


REAL    BOYS 

made  of  pine  wood,  and  artfully  covered  with  a 
thin  coating  of  frosting  sugar,  whereon  he  nearly- 
broke  his  jaw;  to  see  Bug's  distorted  countenance 
and  bulging  eyes  when  he  attempted  to  devour 
the  chocolate  cream  filled  with  cayenne;  and 
Whacker's  speechless  and  gasping  indignation 
when  he  found  that  the  pretty  little  cologne  bottle 
marked  with  his  name  contained  strong  ammonia. 

None  of  the  boys  escaped,  and  indeed  none  ex- 
pected or  hoped  to,  for  each  knew  that  his  hand 
was  against  everyone  and  everyone's  hand  against 
him.,  and  each  had  been  planning  mischief  for 
weeks. 

But  the  pop  corn  and  the  candy  in  bags  of 
mosquito  netting  were  plenteous  and  delightful, 
and  the  evening  one  to  be  remembered. 

And  after  the  smaller  children  were  sent  home, 
and  the  cornet  sounded  its  brazen  call,  and  the 
prompter,  with  violin  in  hand  and  hair  greased 
and  parted  even  to  the  back  of  his  neck,  made 
through  his  raven  dyed  mustache  the  time-hon- 
ored announcement, 

"  Gents,  take  pardners  for  a  plain  quadrille," 

the  boys  gathered  at  the  side  of  the  hall,  and  to 

them  it  seemed  as  if  fairy  land  had  opened. 

While  the  dancing  was  at  its  height  the  outer 
15  225 


REAL    BOYS 

doors  had  been  opened  to  cool  the  hall,  which  was 
becoming  a  trifle  over-heated.  Attracted  by  the 
music  a  half  inebriated  individual  had  wandered 
into  the  hall,  and  leaning  against  the  stack  of  set- 
tees watched  the  dancers  with  tipsy  gravity.  His 
unlooked-for  appearance  attracted  the  boys,  who, 
on  the  lookout  for  fun,  gathered  around  and 
watched  him. 

Perceiving  that  he  had  an  audience  he  began 
to  beat  time  to  the  music  and  to  perform  a  pas 
seul,  to  their  unbounded  delight,  and  suddenly,  his 
mind  changing,  he  began  to  address  a  solemn 
warning  against  the  sin  of  dancing  to  the  amused 
urchins.  Now  the  huge  stacks  of  settees  had  been 
nodding  and  trembhng  for  some  time  under  the 
measured  tread  of  the  dancers,  and  as  he  lurched, 
and  steadied  himself  by  holding  on  to  the  seats, 
at  once,  with  a  grinding,  shuddering  crackle,  the 
entire  stack  toppled  over.  The  boys  scattered 
with  warning  cries,  but  the  poor  drunkard  was 
caught  and  buried  under  a  huge  mass  of  seats. 

Instantly  the  dancing  ceased,  and  a  crowd  of 
excited  men  and  women  gathered,  asking  ques- 
tions and  getting  in  each  other's  way,  while  the 
men  began  to  drag  and  lift  the  settees  away  from 

the  supposed  lifeless  body  of  the  imprisoned  one. 

226 


REAL    BOYS 

But  even  as  they  worked  a  far-off,  muffled  and 
maudlin  voice  chanted : 

"  Hark,  from  the  tombs  a  mournful  sound, 
Mine  ears  attend  the  cry." 

Reassured,  they  worked  like  Trojans,  when 
again  the  voice  droned; 

"  Lift  up  your  heads,  ye  gates  of  brass. 
Ye  bars  of  iron  yield." 

And  then  again,  as  if  impatient  of  delay: 

"  Lift  up  your  heads,  ye  mighty  gates, 
Behold  the  King  of  Glory  waits." 

And  then,  in  a  resigned  and  patient  but  still  maud- 
lin voice: 

"  Sun  and  moon  and  stars  decay, 
Time  shall  soon  this  earth  remove; 
Rise,  my  soul,  and  haste  away 
To  seats  prepared  above." 

By  this  time  the  settees  were  removed  and  he 
was  found  prostrate  but  unhurt.  As  he  was  re- 
moved from  the  hall  he  solemnly  stared  about  him, 
and  pointing  an  accusing  finger  at  the  boys  said, 
"  Those  are  my  murderers."     At  once  the  entire 

blame  for  the  accident  was  laid  at  their  doors.    In 

227 


REAL    BOYS 

vain  their  denials;  they  were  at  once  sent  home 
in  disgrace,  and  the  dance  went  on. 

As  Plupy  slowly  and  sullenly  crawled  into  bed, 
the  fun  of  the  whole  thing  struck  him  so  forcibly 
that  he  laughed  and  laughed  until  he  laughed  him- 
self to  sleep,  as  did  each  and  every  one  of  his  con- 
demned but  innocent  companions. 

228 


CHAPTER  20 

"  And  now,  farewell !    'Tis  hard  to  give  thee  up, 
With  death  so  like  a  gentle  slumber  on  thee." 

Some  of  the  pleasantest  recollections  are  associ- 
ated with  Potter.  He  was  a  peculiarly  gifted  and 
brilliant  boy.  Slight  in  build,  quiet  and  self-con- 
tained, he  was  one  of  those  quietly  observant  boys 
who  never  let  anything  escape  their  notice.  His 
grandfather  was  a  noted  physician,  his  father  a 
cultivated  gentleman,  also  a  physician,  whose 
health  did  not  permit  him  to  practise.  From  them 
he  had  inherited  an  intense  love  of  natural  sci- 
ences, and  his  knowledge  along  these  lines  was 
well  nigh  intuitive.  He  had  a  remarkable  mem- 
ory, and  his  mental  powers  were  otherwise  re- 
markable. 

All  his  spare  time  was  spent  in  collecting,  classi- 
fying and  arranging  birds'  nests,  bugs,  butterflies, 
and  geological  specimens,  and  Dr.  Gorham's 
office,  where  he  was  allowed  a  free  rein,  was  a 
veritable  museum  of    curiosities,  and    a    favorite 

lounging  place  on  rainy  days  for  the  other  boys. 

229 


REAL   BOYS 

With  the  exception  of  Plupy,  who  was  an  ar-- 
dent  but  somewhat  unsuccessful  votary  of  science, 
and  Chick  Chickering,  who  was  much  more  suc- 
cessful than  Plupy  but  less  interested,  the  other 
boys  were  not  particularly  interested  in  these  pur- 
suits, but  preferred  to  spend  their  half-holidays  in 
the  village,  always  active  and  restless,  and  almost 
always  in  mischief.  Fatty's  barn  was  perhaps  the 
most  favored  resort.  A  horizontal  bar  and  a  tra- 
peze had  been  erected  there,  and  the  amount  of 
hard  work  the  boys  went  through,  in  their  am- 
bition to  become  circus  gymnasts,  was  wonderful. 
Most  of  the  boys  could  circle  the  bar,  skin  the  cat, 
do  the  muscle  grind,  hang  by  the  legs  and  drop 
through  the  hands. 

Fatty's  memorable  experience  in  the  Academy 
yard  during  his  preparations  for  the  fight  had 
completely  cured  his  ambition  to  shine  as  an  acro- 
bat, while  Plupy's  lack  of  muscle  militated  against 
success  in  that  line,  though  his  ardor  was  undim- 
inished. He  could,  however,  do  two  things  which 
were  always  rewarded  with  prolonged  and  iron- 
ical applause.  By  dint  of  making  hideous  faces, 
and  much  gyrating  of  legs  and  body,  he  could  pull 
himself  up  and  chin  the  bar,  and  accomplish  one 

other  feat  that  no  one  else  dared  try.     Plupy's 

230 


REAL    BOYS 

heels  being"  by  nature  more  protuberant  than  was 
consistent  with  the  strict  Hues  of  beauty,  gave  him 
a  purchase  by  which  he  could,  on  firmly  inserting 
those  heels  into  the  angles  formed  by  the  trapeze 
ropes  and  bar,  hang  head  downward  with  almost 
as  much  security  as  if  he  were  suspended  by  hooks. 

Unfortunately  he  did  not  have  strength  enough 
in  his  legs  and  body  when  extended  at  full  length 
and  head  down,  to  curl  up  and  grasp  the  bar  with 
his  hands,  and  it  was  a  regular  part  of  the  per- 
formance for  two  of  the  boys  to  lift  him  back  to 
the  bar,  whence,  after  spasmodically  disengaging 
his  heels,  he  descended,  triumphant,  and  purple  of 
countenance.  One  afternoon,  however,  the  rest 
of  the  boys,  conspiring  together  for  his  undoing, 
contra  formam  statuti^  et  cojitra  pacent  et  digni- 
tatem reipublicae,  left  Plupy  hanging,  and  finally 
the  overstrained  heels  relaxed,  and  poor  Plupy  fell 
to  the  floor  on  the  top  of  his  head,  which  induced 
a  species  of  mental  and  physical  collapse,  which 
was,  I  rejoice  to  say,  but  temporary. 

It  was,  however,  in  other  pursuits  that  Arthur 
Gorham  took  the  greatest  pleasure.  Accom- 
panied by  Chick  Chickering,  Plupy,  and  Luke 
Mannix,  who  was  the  most  daring  climber  in  town, 

with  an  unerring  instinct  for  the  woods  and  fields, 

231 


REAL    BOYS 

they  ranged  far  and  wide,  amassing  great  stores 
of  curious  woodland  plunder,  running  some  risks, 
but  gaining  in  health  and  instruction. 

In  winter  how  impressive  were  the  woods  after 
a  heavy  snowfall.  Absolute  silence,  not  a  sound 
or  movement.  But  see,  at  the  foot  of  that  beech 
tree  are  tiny,  interlacing  tracks  of  mice,  and  here 
is  a  large  one,  perhaps  a  weasel;  yes,  here  are 
marks  where  he  went  along  in  long  leaps,  and  here 
is  a  small  stain  of  blood  in  the  snow  marking  a 
tiny  tragedy.  Further  on  are  tracks  showing 
where  he  leaped,  where  he  loitered,  ajid  vvhere  he 
squatted  in  the  snow.  Gracious,  what's  that?  A 
sudden  and  delicious  excitement  sends  the  blood 
rushing  through  one's  veins,  as  an  old  cock  par- 
tridge rises  with  a  roar  of  wings,  and  goes  boom- 
ing through  the  woods  like  a  solid  shot. 

And  now^  a  sharp  chir-r-r  is  heard,  as  a  red 
squirrel  querulously  protests  against  unwelcom.e 
visitors.  There  he  is  at  the  top  of  that  tall  pine. 
Watch  his  tail  jerk  in  time  wdth  every  chitter  and 
squirrel  oath.  Now  he  has  gone,  and  everything 
is  quiet.  Not  quite,  though,  for  a  clear  and  dis- 
tinct chic-a-de-de-deee  is  heard,  and  half  a  dozen 
tiny  bunches  of  drab  colored  down  flit  in  and  out 

amoner  the  trees.     How  tame  they  are,  as  they 

232 


REAL    BOYS 

come  almost  within  reach,  hanging-  head  down, 
and  searching  for  minute  insects  in  the  crevices  of 
the  bark,  and  regarding  the  visitors  curiously  with 
their  bright  and  beadlike  eyes,  while  keeping  up 
their  cheerful  song  with  its  peculiarly  long-drawn 
last  syllable.  How  black  their  caps  are,  and  how 
ridiculously  fat  and  puffed-up  they  look. 

But  we  must  get  on  to  our  traps.  Yes,  here  we 
are.  "  Now,  fellers,  go  easy.  Shut  up  talking, 
Plupy,  and  see  where  you  are  stepping.  Now 
wait  and  keep  quiet,  and  let  me  look.  All  right. 
Not  sprung."  And  so  from  one  trap  to  another 
the  boys  go,  generally  finding  the  traps  empty, 
but  still  full  of  hope  and  excitement,  until  at  last 
a  capture  is  made  of  a  gray  or  red  squirrel,  which 
succeeds  in  biting  its  captors  one  and  all  severely 
before  it  is  secured  at  home  in  a  cage. 

And  sometimes  the  boys  stopped  and  built  their 
campfire  at  the  base  of  some  tall  pine  or  giant  oak, 
and  ate  their  small  lunch  of  hard  boiled  eggs, 
doughnuts  and  sandwiches,  which  they  spoke  of 
as  jerked  meat,  pemmican,  and  bufifalo  tongue, 
and  imagined  themselves  trappers  and  Indian 
fighters,  and  recounted  hairbreadth  escapes  and 
hand-to-hand  struggles  with  desperate  dime  novel 
and  Mayne  Reid  renegades,  while  the  dead  gray 

233 


REAL    BOYS 

leaves  still  clinging  to  the  oak  saplings  fluttered 
and  rustled  witli  an  eerie  sound  in  the  cold  wind. 

Do  you  remember,  boys,  and  girls  too  for  that 
matter,  the  heroes  of  the  dime  novels  we  used  to 
read—"  Bill  Biddon,  the  Trapper,"  "  Nat  Todd," 
"  Billy  Bowlegs  "?  Do  you  remember  "  The  Des- 
ert Home,"  and  "  Young  Yagers,"  and  "  Bush 
Boys,"  and  Groot  Willem,  Hendrich,  Swartboy, 
Hans,  Klass,  and  the  lion  that  got  stuck  in  the 
chimney?  And  do  you  remember  "  Scalp  Hunt- 
ers," and  "  Snarleyow,"  and  "  Masterman  Ready," 
and  "  Bruin,"  all  great  stories  to  read  during  the 
long  winter  evenings? 

And  late  in  March,  or  early  in  April,  these 
young  trappers  used  to  haunt  the  orchards  with 
bows  and  arrows,  and  shoot  at  little  black-and- 
white  woodpeckers.  And  how  the  boys  would  run 
and  shout  and  go  wild  with  excitement.  I  can- 
not remember  that  they  ever  hit  one  of  these 
birds,  who  had  a  habit  of  dexterously  slipping 
round  a  limb  or  trunk  of  the  tree  and  avoiding 
the  best  aimed  shafts. 

And  what  a  delightful  sound  was  the  first  note 
of  the  bluebird,  and  how  eloquently  the  sharp, 
clear  and  sweet  calls  of  the  robins  spoke  of  warm 
days,  soft  wind,  and  bright  sunshine.     Yes,  even 

234 


REAL    BOYS 

the  distant  cawing  of  the  rusty,  ragged  and 
weather-beaten  crows,  which  had  been  living  dur- 
ing the  winter  on  a  limited  diet  of  frozen  apples 
and  refuse,  had  a  spring-like  sound  that  was  in- 
spiriting. 

In  May  and  June  these  boys  were  in  the  habit 
of  rising  early,  and  tramping  through  the  wet 
grass  to  try  and  surprise  the  bobolinks  on  their 
nests,  so  hard  to  find,  for  the  old  birds  were  so 
wary  as  never  to  perch  and  sing  in  the  neighbor- 
hood of  their  nests. 

But  if  one  has  sufificient  enthusiasm  to  get  up 
about  three  o'clock  in  the  morning,  one  can  have 
better  luck.  How  wet  is  the  grass,  it  fairly  drips 
moisture,  and  a  damp,  white  mist  rises  from  the 
river.  It  is  not  yet  light  enoug^h  to  see  clearly, 
but  already  the  male  birds  are  astir,  and  joining 
in  the  wonderful  chorus  of  bird  voices  that  fairly 
fills  the  air.  How  can  people  sleep  through  it? 
Now  sit  down  here  on  this  knoll,  and  keep  your 
eyes  peeled  and  your  tongue  quiet.  While  you 
wait,  listen  to  the  birds,  and  see  how  many  voices 
you  can  recognize.  There  you  hear  the  mellow 
morning  song  of  the  robin;  the  rattling,  bubbling, 
jolly  song  of  the  bobolink;  the  chatter  and  scream 

235 


REAL    BOYS 

of  the  blue  jay;  and  the  clear  and  beautiful  trill 
of  the  song  sparrow  and  the  hermit  thrush. 

Now  a  catbird,  over  in  the  alders  by  the  rivers, 
spoils  its  beautiful  mocking  song  by  the  harsh 
whine  from  which  it  derives  its  name;  and  the 
rasping  file  of  the  nighthawk,  returning  from  ma- 
king a  night  of  it,  is  heard  far  aloft.  "  It's  getting 
light,  old  fellow,  time  to  feel  for  your  latchkey." 

It  is  quiet  for  a  moment,  and  the  homelike  twit- 
ter of  the  chipping  sparrow,  and  sweeter  yet,  the 
plaintive  question  and  answer  of  the  pewee,  and 
the  triumphant  "  kankaree  "  of  the  red-winged 
blackbird,  as  he  flies  from  his  nest  in  the  half-sub- 
merged bushes  in  the  little  swamp  on  the  edge  of 
the  river,  are  heard.  "  All  right,  old  fellow,  we 
will  take  a  look  through  those  bushes  later."  Yes, 
there  is  the  indignant  chink-chink  of  the  ground 
sparrow,  who  has  a  nest  somewhere  within  a  mile 
of  you,  and  objects  to  your  presence  anywhere 
within  three  miles  of  the  spot. 

Up  comes  the  sun,  and  look!     There  goes  the 

little  gray  bird  from    under    that  clump  of  tall 

weeds,  where  the  nest  is  found;  a  hollow  in  the 

ground,  well  lined,  and  almost  perfectly  concealed. 

How  pretty  are  the  eggs,  and  how  anxiously  the 

old  birds  hover  around,  the  female  giving  utter- 

236 


REAL    BOYS 

ance  to  a  sharp  and  distinct  note,  the  male  nerv- 
ously singing  as  if  to  split  his  throat. 

Sometimes,  in  the  sunny  afternoons  of  summer 
or  fall,  they  scoured  the  fields  in  pursuit  of  butter- 
flies, racing,  chasing,  hot  and  breathless.  Here 
is  a  fine  Archippus,  perched  light  as  a  thistle-down 
in  the  cup  of  a  wild  rose.  See  how  he  slowly  ex- 
pands his  wings,  and  then  shuts  them  together 
like  the  leaves  of  a  book.  Crawl  up  carefully  now 
and  try  the  net.  Down  it  comes,  but  not  quite 
quick  enough;  the  flower  is  a  wreck  of  pink  petals, 
but  the  butterfly,  with  a  dancing  flight,  "  volti- 
geant "  as  the  French  put  it,  the  only  word  to 
properly  express  the  airy  motion,  leads  the  boys 
a  chase.  Now  they  have  him,  and  with  careful 
fingers,  to  avoid  brushing  the  velvety  gloss  from 
his  wings,  get  him  in  a  corner,  and  a  drop  of 
ether  on  the  black  head  ends  the  brief,  fluttering, 
sunshiny  life. 

Oftimes,  in  the  evenings,  they  haunted  the  gas- 
lights, Which  attracted  all  manner  of  flying  moths 
and  curious  night  creatures.  And  once  it  was 
their  great  pleasure  and  delight  to  entrap  a 
gigantic  gauze-winged  moth,  a  most  rare  speci- 
men, almost  as  large  as  a  chipper  bird.  "With  v.-hat 
pride  and  delight  he  was  shown  to  various  young 

237 


REAL'   BOYS 

collectors,  and  when  the  local  papers  made  a 
prominent  mention  of  the  capture,  it  seemed  to 
the  boys  that  they  occupied  a  very  large  niche  In 
the  temple  of  fame. 

And  in  the  fall,  when  the  fields  began  to  look 
bare  and  brown,  and  the  blackbirds  began  to  col- 
lect in  vast  troops  for  their  southern  flight,  Plupy 
and  Potter  lEook  to  the  fields  on  slaughter  bent; 
Plupy  with  the  sawed-off  musket,  Potter  with  a 
muzzle-loading  duck-gun  of  fabulous  length. 
Plupy's  gun  was  the  weapon  won  in  the  football 
match,  and  was  a  curious  looking  and  somewhat 
unreliable  instrument.  As  his  financial  condition 
generally  hovered  on  the  border  line  of  insolvency, 
he  was  compelled  to  economize  and  buy  cheap 
powder  and  the  cheapest  of  G.  D.  caps.  Occa- 
sionally he  would  eke  out  his  shot  with  the  small- 
est of  pebble  stones. 

The  first  time  he  fired  that  ancient  field  piece  it 
recoiled  with  force  enough  to  send  him  flat  on  his 
back.  Occasionally  it  would  go  off  with  a  pro- 
longed "  woosh,"  somevVhat  like  the  bent  fire- 
crackers in  a  "  cat-and-dog  fight,"  At  other  times 
it  would  hang  fire  for  a  moment,  and  then  go  off 
with  a  deafening  report,  and  land  poor  Plupy  heels 
up.    With  a  weapon  of  this  disposition,  while  the 


REAL   BOYS 

bag  was  nevef  great,  there  was  the  fascinating 
element  of  uncertainty,  which  added  much  to  the 
enjoyment  of  the  occasion. 

I  have  known  that  gun,  when  aimed  point  blank' 
at  an  almost  solid  flock  of  blackbirds,  and  within 
easy  range,  to  explode  with  an  ear-splitting  bang, 
and  never  start  a  feather,  and  at  another  time  to 
bring  down  a  squirrel  from  the  top  of  a  tall  pine 
in  such  a  mangled  condition  that  Bufifon  would 
never  have  been  able  to  classify  the  remains. 

Potter's  gun  was  a  very  good  one,  and  Potter  a 
very  good  shot,  and  as  Plupy  was  not  at  all  jealous 
of  his  companion's  success,  their  hunting  trips 
were  thoroughly  enjoyed,  and  the  prospect  of  new 
guns  that  their  parents  had  hinted  at  kept  them 
on  the  qui  vive. 

Did  it  seem  to  any  of  these  boys,  in  the  bright- 
ness of  their  lives,  in  the  fullest  enjoyment  of  their 
health  and  strength,  in  the  careless  happiness  and 
vigor  of  boyhood,  that  death  was  near?  That  the 
light  would  fade  from  the  eyes,  the  laughter  from 
the  lips,  and  the  bloom  from  the  cheek  of  the  best 
beloved  of  them  all  ?  That  the  black  shadow  of  a 
crushing  sorrow  would  fall  tlpon  the  home  of  one 
in  their  circle  that  never  would  be  hfted? 

One  afternoon  in  November  Arthur  had  made 
239 


REAL    BOYS 

arrangements  to  go  duck-shooting  at  Hampton 
Beach  with  two  older  boys.  Much  to  Plupy's  re- 
gret his  father  had  forbidden  him  to  use  the 
musket  again,  and  he  was  unable  to  go  with  them. 
That  afternoon  the  three  boys  passed  Plupy's 
house  with  Dr.  Gorham's  old  horse  and  buggy, 
and  Arthur  leaned  from  the  buggy  and  proudly 
held  up  a  new  double-barrelled  shot-gun.  It  was 
the  last  time  Plupy  ever  saw  his  friend  alive.  A 
few  hours  later  a  horse,  furiously  driven,  passed 
the  Academy  yard,  where  the  boys  were  playing, 
and  stopped  at  Dr.  Gorham's  house.  In  a  few 
moments  it  was  known  that  Arthur  Gorham  had 
been  instantly  killed  by  the  accidental  discharge 
of  his  gun. 

The  horror  of  these  tidings  none  of  the  boys 
will  ever  forget.  How  they  got  home  that  night 
I  think  no  one  of  them  has  any  distinct  idea.  They 
were  benumbed  by  the  dreadful  suddenness  of  the 
blow.  When  Clark  was  drowned  by  breaking 
through  the  ice,  it  cast  a  gloom  over  all  his  ac- 
quaintances, but  Clark  was  not  so  well  known. 
When  Garland  fell  from  the  upper  rail  of  the  stair- 
case of  the  Town  Hall  it  was  dreadful  indeed,  but 
nothing  in   their   experience   ever   afifected   them 

like  this. 

240 


REAL    BOYS 

How  could  it  be,  that  the  brightest  and  best 
among  them  should  be  taken?  The  one  to  whom 
they  were  indebted  for  so  many  kindnesses,  to 
whom  they  all  turned  for  advice,  instruction  and 
sympathy?  The  one  whose  quiet  and  gentle  dis- 
position always  prompted  him  to  smooth  over  the 
ill-feeling  that  often  arose  between  the  boys;  the 
only  one  who  was  absolutely  generous,  modest, 
manly,  sweet-tempered  and  pure-minded.  True, 
too  true,  it  is  that  death  loves  a  shining  mark. 
Can  it  be  wondered  at  that  the  most  devoutly  re- 
ligious souls  find  it  hard  not  to  rebel  against  the 
decrees  of  the  Great  Father,  all-wise  and  all- 
powerful  though  they  be? 

It  seemed  hard,  bitterly  hard,  that  he  should 
go  so  young,  so  full  of  promise,  but  the  reason  he 
knows  and  approves,  and  in  good  time  the  veil 
that  obscures  our  earthly  vision  will  be  rent,  and 
the  last  lingering  doubt  of  divine  omniscience  dis- 
pelled forever. 

They  saw  him  dimly  through  their  tears  as  he 
lay  in  his  little  coffin,  so  strangely  quiet,  cold,  and 
pulseless,  and  he  seemed  no  longer  to  belong 
to  t'hem  or  to  earth,  but  to  have  passed  beyond 
and  above  them,  and  they  were  hushed  and  awe- 
stricken  at  the  sight.  And  afterwards,  when  the 
i6  241 


REAL    BOYS 

simple  services  were  over,  and  they  returned  to 
their  daily  round  of  work  and  play,  for  a  long  time 
there  was  no  ardor  in  their  work  and  no  pleasure 
in  their  play. 

It  is  often  said  that  the  sorrows  of  youth  are  fit- 
ful and  fleeting.  I  do  not  think  so,  Afifections 
are  never  stronger,  or  sorrows  keener  than  in 
youth.  True  enough,  there  is  more  buoyancy  to 
rise  above  them.  Life  is  before  one,  and  hope  is 
strong.  But  one  does  not  forget,  and  they  have 
never  forgotten  the  bright  boy  in  whom  was 
centered  their  dearest  affections.  The  rest  of 
them  have  grown  to  manhood,  have  experienced 
the  sharp  edges  and  rough  places  of  life;  have 
been  successful  or  not,  according  to  their  environ- 
ment, their  ability,  their  temperament;  have  con- 
tracted new  ties,  new  affections,  new  interests; 
but  they  have  never  forgotten  their  little  friend, 
and  the  sight  of  the  little  white  cross  in  the  ceme- 
tery, with  his  name  graven  thereon,  never  fails  to 
awaken  a  deep  and  unspeakable  regret. 

Twenty-five  years  later  the  old  Gorham  place 

was  sold,  the  family  having  left  it  years  before. 

The  party  purchasing  it  found  in  the  old  of^ce  a 

few  articles  which  he  thought  would  be  of  interest 

to  Plupy.     The  parcel,  when  opened,  disclosed  a 

242 


REAL    BOYS 

few  birds'  eggs,  a  small,  square  paper  box,  con- 
taining the  very  same  gauze-winged  moth,  the 
capture  of  which  so  many  years  ago  had  afforded 
the  boys  so  much  delight,  and  had  merited  an 
article  in  the  local  paper;  and  a  small  red  book,  an 
English  work  on  angling,  a  book  they  had  studied 
many  times,  upon  the  ily-leaf  of  whic'h  was  written 
these  words : 

"Arthur  Gorham. 

"  The  best  angling  book  out 
I  am  told  by  an  experienced  angler. 
"  Xmas  i8— . 

"Uncle  Bob." 

Could  there  have  been  anything  better  calcul- 
ated to  awaken  the  old  sorrow?  It  seemed  al- 
most as  a  message  from  the  dead. 

343 


CHAPTER  21 

Vorbei,  Vorbei !     Und  so  geht  es 
Mit  alien  Geschichten. — Anderson. 

In  looking  back  thirty  or  more  years  it  seems 
hard  to  realize  that  a  generation  has  been  born, 
and  has  grown  to  maturity,  since  we  were  boys 
and  girls  together,  and  that  children  then  unborn 
are  now  dictating  to  us  measures  in  business, 
politics,  and  social  matters. 

To  such  of  us  as  have  lived  our  uneventful  lives 
in  our  native  town,  and  have  watched  the  growth 
of  these  youngsters,  the  realization  of  the  dignity 
of  middle  age  comes  upon  us  slowly  and  reluc- 
tantly. We  feel  a  slight  wonder  and  bewilderment 
when  one  prefixes  the  "  mister  "  instead  of  calling 
us  by  our  first  names,  and  do  not  quite  like  it 
when  we  are  addressed  as  "  Squire,"  or  "  Deacon," 
or  "  Colonel,"  or  by  some  other  title  that  our  dif- 
ferent interests  or  pursuits  have  given  us. 

It  is  only  when  a  boyhood  acquaintance  who 

has  lived  in  a    distant    city    returns    for  a  visit, 

bringing  a  family  of  grown  children,  himself  bald, 

244 


REAL    BOYS 

gray,  with  a  face  furrowed  with  hnes  of  thought 
or  care,  that  we  begin  to  reaHze  that  we  are  pro- 
gressing a  httle  faster  than  is  agreeable,  and  we 
mentally  cast  a  balance,  and  trust  that  we  do  not 
look  as  old  as  our  friend  Blank.  And  if  he  is  bald 
and  we  are  not,  we  feel  quite  cheerful  over  the 
comparison;  and  if  the  reverse  is  true  we  cling  to 
the  idea  that  our  figure  is  still  youthful  and  our 
digestion  unimpaired. 

And  when  our  social  duties  compel  us  to  take 
out  the  daughter  of  our  friend,  a  charming  bud 
of  nineteen,  and  to  try  to  adapt  the  measure  of  the 
"  hop  waltz,"  resurrected  with  difficulty  from  the 
dust  of  ages,  to  the  graceful  step  of  the  modern 
and  up  to  date  waltz,  we  feel  our  age  acutely,  and 
retire  most  ungracefully,  and  quite  out  of  breath. 

And  when,  mopping  our  heated  brow  on  the 
side-lines,  we  overhear  a  group  of  young  men 
laughingly  asking  her  who  the  "  ancient  blade  " 
was,  and  otherwise  referring  to  us  as  the  "  trilo- 
bile,"  or  the  *'  last  year's  almanac,''  or  ''  old  Mr. 
Turveydrop,"  our  confusion  is  increased  four-fold, 
and  we  feel  well  stricken  in  years. 

We  ought  to  have  known  it,  for  w-e  have  been 
fencing  with  middle  age  for  some  years.  We  have 
carefully  parted  our  hair  in  the  middle,  because 

245 


REAL    BOYS 

(.  ., 

the  old  side  parting  was  rapidly  expanding  into  a 
path  of  undesirable  width;  grown  a  full  beard  to 
conceal  deep  furrows  in  our  once  smooth  cheeks, 
and  have  promptly  shaved  it  off  when  gray  hairs 
came  faster  than  we  could  pull  them  out. 

We  have  spent  vast  sums  in  the  purchase  of  the 
most  natural  looking  of  false  teeth;  and  how 
jauntily  we  have  walked,  and  how  ardently  did  we 
welcome  the  bicycle  that  placed  the  old  on  an 
equality  with  the  young.  Yea,  years  ago  we  con- 
quered the  old  "  boneshaker,"  the  velocipede  of 
our  youth  and  strength,  and  e'en  to-day  bear  upon 
our  person  various  marks  and  scars  received  in 
honorable  combat  with  this  fiendish  invention 
And  we,  at  least  such  of  us  whose  physical  devel- 
opment equalled  the  responsibilities  that  the  golf 
stocking  imposes  on  its  wearer,  adopted  the  game 
and  the  costume  with  effusion. 

,We  long  ago  lost  our  wonderful  instinct  for  the 

woods,  and  can  no  longer  distinguish  a  trillium 

from  a  dog-tooth  violet.    We  feel  no  desire  to  run 

when  the  fire  alarm  rings;  cats  and  dogs  pass  us 

by  unharmed,  even  in  the  snowball  season;  and 

even  the  appearance  of  an  unaccustomed  plug  hat 

upon  a    personal    acquaintance    awakens    but  a 

faint  emotion,  although  the  snow  is  soft  and  of  the 

246 


REAL    BOYS 

right  consistency.  A  street  dog-fight  has  lost  in 
a  measure  in  absorbing  excitement,  although  we 
cannot  deny  that  we  sometimes  hurry  to  our  office 
window  to  see  such  affairs.  We  no  longer  run 
after  hand-organs  or  street  bands. 
In  short: 

"  We  were  happy  youngsters  then. 
And  now  we're  sober-sided  men, 
Half  through  life's  journey," 

But  in  looking  back  over  our  adventures,  our 
pranks  and  games,  the  unpleasant  experiences 
seem  in  a  great  measure  to  have  slipped  from  cur 
memory,  while  the  pleasant  recollections — and 
they  are  legion — remain.  With  no  bicycles,  no 
golf,  no  tennis,  with  baseball  yet  in  an  undeveloped 
state,  without  many  of  the  resources  of  our  own 
boys  and  girls,  it  yet  seems  that  our  lives  were  full 
of  enjoyment,  health,  happiness,  and  high  spirits. 

Do  you  remember,  Tomtit,  the  time  you  at- 
tempted to  play  a  trick  on  old  Mr.  Pollard,  by 
springing  suddenly  upon  a  fence  with  a  shriek  as 
he  hobbled  by?  And  do  you  remember  the  light- 
ning-like crack  upon  the  head  he  gave  you  with 
his  knotted  cane?  Do  you  remember,  Hickey, 
the  time  you  made  insulting  remarks  to  a  deaf 

man,  wholly  in  fun,  for  you  knew  he  could  not 

247 


REAL    BOYS 


hear  a  word,  and  it  never  occurred  to  you,  until 
too  late,  that  he  could  see  and  read  the  motions 
of  your  Hps,  and  your  painful  realization  of  that 
fact? 


And  do  you  remember,  Beany,  the  time  you 
rang  your  father's  doorbell,  and  the  time  we  broke 
the  gaslight,  and  the  fight  we  had,  and  the  count- 
less other  joint  transactions  in  which  we  were  en- 
gaged ? 

248 


REAL    BOYS 

We  had  races  in  Fatty's  yard,  on  the  circular 
walk  around  the  great  lawn,  an  ideal  race-track. 
Tomtit  was  the  fastest  runner;  Arthur  French,  the 
schoolmaster's  son,  came  next,  the  other  boys 
stringing  along,  while  Fatty  and  Plupy  struggled 
to  avoid  being  last.  And  we  all  remember  the  day 
that  Beany's  sister  Mary  defeated  Tomtit  and 
Arthur  French  after  a  most  exciting  race. 

The  huge  vacant  lots  on  Pine  Street,  where  we 
used  to  play  football  and  "  three  old  cat,"  and 
marbles,  "  First  in  a  hole  and  no  fudging,"  have 
been  entirely  built  up.  The  vast  field  on  the 
"  Plains,"  in  which  the  county  fair  was  held,  with 
the  half  mile  track  where  we  have  so  often  seen  old 
"  Wake-up  Robinson  "  and  other  horsey  spirits 
dashing  down  the  stretch  behind  "  Sheepskin," 
and  "  Regulator,"  and  other  flyers,  and  where  the 
excitement  in  our  small  hearts  was  intense  at  the 
nip  and  tuck  contests  between  such  cracks  as 
Nelly  Locke  and  Topsey,  and  where  the  black  cart- 
horse Regulator  easily  left  the  field  trailing  and 
distanced,  has  been  converted  into  a  business  col- 
ony. 

Our   best   swimming   places,    the   "  Oak,"    the 

"  Eddy,"    the    "  Stump  "    and    "  Sandy    Bottom  " 

have    grown    up    with    weeds    and    alders.      The 

249 


REAL    BOYS 

"  Raceway  "  no  longer  swarms  with  boys,  and  the 
"  Gravel  "  alone  is  left.  Why  is  it?  Don't  Exeter 
boys  swim  now,  and  is  the  art  perishing  from  dis- 
use? 

Has  the  age  of  nicknames  passed?  I  hope  not, 
for  a  good  nickname  seemed  to  establish  a  sort 
of  free-masonry  between  the  boys  as  nothing  else 
could.  I  am  sure  that  Exeter  boys  were  partic- 
ularly gifted  in  that  line  of  word  coinage.  Shall 
we  ever  forget  Jabber  and  Nipper  and  Pewt,  and 
^Beany  and  Cawcaw  and  Plupy?  And  Diddly  and 
Priscilla  and  Bobberty  and  Phoebe  and  Tabby? 
And  Chitter  and  Crusoe  and  Nibby  and  Skinny 
and  Stubby  and  Pacer  and  Tongley?  And  Buck 
and  Boosey  and  Lubin  and  Zee  and  Markeye? 
And  Dutchy  and  Tickey  and  Blobsy  and  Game- 
eye  and  Nigger  and  Pop  and  Pile? 

The  transition  period  between  roundabouts  and 

bobtailed  coats,  between  false  bosoms  and  linen 

shirts,  was    marked    by  developments    in    other 

directions.     We   no  longer   disdained   to   openly 

affect  the  society  of  girls,  but  competed  with  one 

another  for  the  chance  to  skate  cross-handed  with 

them.     And  we  know^  just  how  those  Httle  red 

mittens  felt. 

And  in  the  spring  we  used  to  organize  may- 
250 


REAL   BOYS 

flower  parties  and  scour  the  woods.  How  care- 
fully we  would  bend  back  the  branches  and  pull 
aside  briars,  that  they  might  not  touch  the  hem  of 
their  garments.  How  carefully  and  tenderly  we 
would  help  them  over  brooks  and  puddles  and 
fences,  and  how  we  vied  with  one  another  in  risk- 
ing life  and  limb  in  wading,  shinning,  and  climbing 
for  the  woodland  prizes. 

And  we  began  to  go  to  dancing  school,  and  to 
take  lessons  in  deportment,  which  heaven  knows 
we  needed  badly  enough,  and  to  display  great  ex- 
panse of  shirt  collar  and  cuffs  at  church  sociables. 
We  received  many  rebuffs,  but  with  the  buoyancy 
of  youth  persisted.  Will  Plupy  ever  forget  the 
time  he  asked  five  girls  in  succession  to  dance 
with  him  at  a  Seminary  reception,  and  received 
five  prompt  and  unconditional  refusals?  I  feel  for 
that  gawky  youth  this  moment,  as  I  see  him  in 
memory  cheerfully  approach  the  first  and  receive 
his  first  snub;  with  slightly  diminished  spirits  he 
tries  another,  and  a  firm  "  No,  I  thank  you,"  is 
received;  with  heightened  color  he  assays  a  third 
atempt,  and  a  sharp  "  no  "  punctuates  the  silence ; 
with  consternation  depicted  on  every  line  of  his 
countenance  he  advances  trembling  to  the  con- 
quest of  a  fourth,  and  she  turns  her  back  and 

251 


REAL    BOYS 

giggles;  almost  demented,  and  conscious  that  the 
eyes  of  the  world  are  upon  him,  he  feebly  stutters 
forth  his  simple  plea  to  a  fifth;  she  regards  him 
with  a  cold  stare,  before  which  he  wilts  entirely, 
and  in  a  dazed  and  mechanical  fashion  he  drifts  to 
a  seat,  where  he  sits  with  his  hand  to  his  head. 

In  literary  lines  we  began  to  shine,  and  if  the 
world  never  heard  of  "  Strombolibomcatch,  or 
Lightnings  Let  Loose  on  the  World's  Grand  Pal- 
ladium," the  joint  production  of  Puzzy,  Stiffy  and 
Tomtit,  the  world  is  indeed  unfortunate.  We 
scorned  the  familiar  little  couplets  that  once  de- 
lighted us,  from  the  disturbing  effect  they  had 
upon  the  persons  at  whom  they  were  aimed,  and 
no  longer 

"  Chaddywhacker,  chew  tobacker, 
If  you  die  it  ain't  no  matter," 

excited  instant  war,  as  did  the  equally  familiar 

"  Ed  Towle  fell  in  a  hole 
And  couldn't  get  out  to  save  his  soul," 


and 


Gran  Miller  the  barber 
Went  to  shave  his  father, 
The  razor  slipped  and  cut  his  lip. 
Gran  Miller  the  barber," 
252 


REAL    BOYS 

excite  reprisal  on  the  part  of  the  insulted  ones. 
Curiously  enough  Gran  Miller  fulfilled  the  pre- 
diction so  poetically  proclaimed,  and  became  a 
barber,  although  whether  or  not  he  ever  sliced 
the  paternal  physiognomy  history  does  not  state. 

Our  dignity  began  to  be  ponderous,  and  had  it 
not  been  for  the  natural  outlet  that  the  rapid  de- 
velopment of  baseball  opened,  I  do  not  know  what 
might  have  become  of  us.  We  went  into  baseball 
with  our  whole  souls,  and  the  old  "  Eagle  B.  B.  C." 
was  for  several  years  a  famous  aggregation  of 
famous  players,  with  W'hacker,  Bug,  Puzzy, 
Sammy  Ricker,  Cawcaw,  Pacer,  Billy  Byington, 
Hen  SafTord,  Billy  Folsom,  Crusoe  Robinson, 
Shinny  Thyng,  Ham  Welch  and  others. 

"  We  played  the  "  Atherletics  "  on  our  knees, 
boys,"  defeated  the  "  Flying  Tigers,"  goose-egged 
the  "  Stewed  Cats,"  and  generally  made  mince 
meat  of  any  local  or  foreign  nine  that  stood  up  to 
our  famous  pitchers,  Cawcaw,  Shinny  and  Sammy. 
Who  will  ever  forget  the  two  Fourth  of  July 
games  netting  the  two  famous  scores  of  104 — 3  and 
53 — 2,  and  when  the  ball  went  over  "  Janglings  " 
faster  than  the  fielders  could  follow  it. 

Well,  all  these  things  are  past  and  gone,  and  a 
new  generation  has  taken  our  place,  but  it  is  very 

253 


REAL    BOYS 

pleasant  to  think  of  old  times  and  talk  them  over 
with  old  timers.  I  was  told  by  a  city  man  who  had 
never  been  in  Exeter,  but  who  had  been  thrown 
into  contact  with  several  Exeter  boys,  that  he 
greatly  regretted  not  having  had  an  opportunity 
of  passing  his  early  days  in  our  town,  because  he 
had  always  remarked,  and  greatly  envied,  the 
warm  friendship  and  good  fellowship  between 
Exeter  boys,  and  the  pleasure  they  took  in  talk- 
ing over  their  past  pleasures. 

A  short  time  ago  I  was  asked  by  a  lady  if  it 
didn't  break  my  heart  to  think  of  the  good  times 
we  used  to  have,  when  it  was  a  wonderful  delight 
to  live.  No,  it  seems  to  me  that  a  happy  boyhood 
and  girlhood  must  always  exercise  a  great  influ- 
ence over  the  mature  years  of  life,  an  influence  for 
the  better. 

If  a  person  is  unfortunate  in  life,  how  much 
deeper  is  that  feeling  if  one  has  bitter  memories  of 
an  unhappy  childhood.  There  appears  to  be  a 
special  and  all-wise  providence  that  allows  the 
misfortunes,  the  mistakes,  and  the  bitter  things  of 
our  past,  to  gradually  fade  from  our  minds,  while 
the  memory  of  the  pleasures,  the  sweets,  and  the 
successes  remains  ever  fresh  and  enduring  as  our 
years  accumulate  and  weigh  us  down. 

254 


REAL    BOYS 

It  is  in  our  children  that  we  are  enabled  to  actu- 
ally live  over  the  past,  and  our  own  past  should 
be  the  means  of  guiding  them  through  their  child- 
hood and  youth.  If  we  have  been  successful,  they 
should  double  our  successes  in  their  lives;  if  we 
have  failed,  then  our  failures  should  clearly  indi- 
cate the  mistakes  they  should  avoid  making.  In 
so  far  as  our  past  affects  for  the  better  their  future, 
then  we  should  never  sigh  for  the  days  that  are 
gone,  or  unavailingly  long  for  their  return. 

On  the  whole  I  think  Exeter  boys  have  done 
pretty  well.  The  aggressive  and  pronounced  qual- 
ities that  characterized  our  friend  Bug,  have  forced 
him  into  a  business  position  of  great  responsibility 
in  our  largest  city,  where  he  brings  up  his  boys  to 
row  and  swim  I  have  no  doubt.  That  we  see  him 
so  seldom  is  our  loss,  and  we  like  to  hope  that  he 
feels  it  his. 

The  quiet  persistence  and  striking  qualities  that 
marked  his  brothers  Puzzy  and  Whacker,  have 
made  them  solid  business  men  in  a  neighboring 
city,  occupying  positions  of  trust  and  honor,  and 
still  keeping  in  touch  with  their  native  town.  Tom- 
tit is  bringing  up  a  family  in  a  college  town,  and 
occasionally  a  letter  finds  its  way  to  his  old  town 

255 


REAL    BOYS 

containing  glowing  and  entertaining  accounts  of 
his  doings. 

Ned  Gilman  died  recently  in  the  prime  of 
splendid  mental  and  physical  endowments.  The 
qualities  that  made  him  a  leader  among  boys,  de- 
veloped in  him  a  power  in  the  business  of  his  na- 
tive town  and  state,  and  his  eminent  success  and 
hard  work  may  have  contributed  to  his  sudden 
and  unexpected  death.  He  loved  his  native  town, 
and  was  admired  and  loved  by  its  citizens,  one  and 
all,  for  his  rugged  honesty,  his  unfailing  kindness, 
cheerfulness  and  evenness  of  temper. 

With  few  exceptions  the  other  Exeter  boys 
have  done  well,  and  in  whatever  lines  their  duties 
have  fallen,  they  have  shown  the  true  Exeter 
spirit. 

But  w^ait  a  moment,  what  about  Plupy?  It 
wouldn't  do  for  a  moment  to  leave  him  out  after 
the  ludicrous  prominence  he  has  occupied  in  this 
story.  Well,  Plupy  entered  one  of  the  liberal  pro- 
fessions, and  to  this  day  is  puzzled  to  know  just 
what  the  word  "  liberal  "  means  in  this  connection. 

He  was  urged  to  do  this  by  the  advice  of  his 

friends,  who  assured  him  there  was  plenty  of  room 

at  the  top.     Whether  this  is  true  or  not  he  has 

256 


REAL    BOYS 

long  since  come  to  the  conclusion  that  there  will 
never  be  any  less  room  there  on  his  account,  and 
as  there  is  a  comfortable  amount  of  room  at  the 
bottom,  and  as  it  requires  no  effort  to  remain 
there,  the  result  is  obvious. 

In  the  ancient  forays  of  the  Gauls,  it  v^-as  the 
custom  to  look  to  all  the  able-bodied  men  for 
actual  warfare,  and  leave  the  old  and  sick  and 
worn-out  men  to  tend  the  camp.  It  happened 
that  there  was  always  some  man  not  old  enoug'h 
to  shirk  duty,  but  of  no  value  in  the  rude  sports, 
the  forced  marches,  and  the  fierce  conflicts  of  the 
time. 

Such  a  one  was  usually  employed  to  chronicle 
the  events,  to  sing  of  the  descriptions  of  battles 
and  the  prowess  of  heroes.  This  position  was  usu- 
ally accorded  him  not  because  he  was  in  any  de- 
gree better  fitted  for  it,  but  because  he  was  fit 
for  nothing  else.  And  so,  perhaps  for  similar 
reasons,  this  position  has  fallen  to  Plupy's  lot,  and 
if  his  description  pleases,  he  is  indeed  fortunate 
and  grateful. 

17  257 


MigMy  High  Traise  of 

••REAL    BOYS'* 

A  Book  about  PeaX  Boys  to  carry  old  Boys  back  to  Boyhood  iays* 


*'  This  morning  I'm  feeling  '  pert  and  sassy,'  because  I  have  just 
finished  Judge  Shute's  '  Real  Boys.'  And  they  are  real  boys.  I  know 
'em  and  played  with  'em,  even  if  they  have  different  names.  You  will 
say  the  same  thing  too,  and  find  boyish  counterparts  for  Plupy  and 
Pewt,  Skinny — all  the  long  roll,  in  fact.  What  they  did,  too,  will  be 
paralleled  in  our  own  experiences  and  remembrances.  It's  a  book  to  read 
and  laugh  at  and  sigh  over  now,  and  to  dip  into  for  a  Ponce  de  Leon 
literary  rejuvenation  every  time  you  feel  particularly  old." 

— Literary  Editor,  TIu  Cltveland  Leader. 

"Any  one  who  has  ever  been  a  real  boy,  and  wants  to  renew  his 

Cth,  or  any  one  who  has  never  been  a  real  boy  and  wants  to  imagine 
r  it  feels,  had  better  read  Henry  Shute's  book  of  reminiscences  of 
'Real  Boys.'" — Philadelphia  Evening  Telegraph. 

"  It  describes  boy  life,  presented  from  a  man's  point  of  view.  It 
was  back  in  the  sixties  when  these  '  real  boys '  flourished,  '  in  the  good 
old  days  when  men  of  substance  wore  black  broadcloth  frock  coats  of 
wondrous  sheen  and  velvety  softness,  and  light,  almost  white,  trousers, 
which  hung  in  folds  about  their  manly  legs.  When  lofty  and  ofttimes 
shiny  domes  of  thought  were  surmounted  by  tall  beaver  plugs  of  great 
price,  while  their  feet  were  brave  in  closely  fitting  calfskin  boots,  which 
were  always  kept  in  the  highest  state  of  polish.'  It  is  animated  with  a 
keen  sense  of  humor  and  still  further  enlivened  with  the  touch  of  human 
nature  which  make  these  pictures  of  boyhood  complete." — Toledo  Blade. 

"  '  Real  Boys '  evidently  was  written  by  Judge  Henry  A.  Shute  for  the 
delectation  of  old  boys  who  were  once  real  boys,  and  that  they  will  thor- 
oughly enjoy  it  we  are  convinced,  in  spite  of  the  fact  that  it  describes 
New  Hampshire  boys  in  particular.  Their  traits  are  much  the  same 
everywhere," — The  Rochester  Herald. 

'*  As  amusing  as  its  predecessors,  '  The  Diary  of  a  Real  Boy '  and 
*  SsquiL'  It  is  a  delightful  volume.  It  will  please  all  ages  and  all 
tastes.  It  would  be  difficult  to  read  it  without  smiling  and  sighing, 
while  the  one  pathetic  chapter  will  cause  many  an  eye  to  moisten." 

— Chicago  Record-Herald. 

*•  There  is  something  essentially  human  in  every  page  of  the  book, 
and  readers  of  all  ages  will  be  carried  back  to  boyhood  days,  and  find 
delight,  not  only  in  the  pranks  of  these  wholesome  youths,  but  in  the 
habits,  dress  a.nd  customs  which  the  author  describes  so  faithfully." 

—  The  Boston  Herald. 

Fall  or  that  little  touch  of  nature  that  *  makes  the  whole  world 
}^B^  "__  Worcester  Gazette. 

Embellished  with  nearly  40  illustrations  by  F.  R.  Gruger.     $1.25. 

G.  W.  DILLINGHAM  CO.,  Publishers,  NEW  YORK 


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